Page 59 of Heavy is the Crown
But instead of ripping those sweats down so I can lick his cock, I let out a long sigh. “Something is going on with her.”
“That’s obvious. The question is, what? She’s never been this closed-off before. I’m worried,” Shadow says as he walks over to me. Looping his arms around my body, he drops his head to my chest. The feeling is comforting, and the tension in my muscles melts away. “I’m supposed to be the mess. Not her,” he says, quietly laughing to mask his anxiety.
My fingers dance over his back, tracing the raised scars under his tattoos. “You aren’t a mess.”
“Why was she asking for forgiveness?” he asks.
I don’t answer him. The silence elongates as we hold each other tight, as if we are afraid letting go means the momentary peace we found in mating will be shattered and the world will crash down around us.
THIRTY-TWO
Shadow,
What I’m going to ask is incredibly unfair.
And I am so sorry for that, given how hard you’ve worked to heal.
How hard you are still working to heal.
– Ava
Ava
(“Exile” – Taylor Swift)
When sleep finally leaves me the next morning, my head is cracked in two. I barely make it to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach are heaved up into the toilet. I wait a few moments before slowly standing and grabbing the mouthwash. I don’t bother looking at myself in the mirror. In the distance, I hear the coffee start up. Taking a deep breath, I make my way out to the kitchen, ready for my interrogation. Only, it’s not Shadow or Drago standing there.
Astrea’s long hair hangs loosely down her back, the waves messy and uncontrolled. Her curvy body is dressed in asweatshirt and leggings. I watch as she rolls up the sleeves of her sweatshirt before turning around and offering me a smile. “I was wondering if I would have to drag you out of bed or if coffee would summon you.”
I chuckle. “Coffee can summon me from even the deepest pit of Hell.” She slides a steaming mug toward me. “What are you doing here, Astrea?”
She grabs her own mug and motions to the couch, where she sits down with her feet tucked under her. “Our mates were seemingly worried about us and thought some girl time was needed.” It’s the first time I notice that she looks exhausted, her dark circles matching mine. A heavy sigh flows out of her body before she takes a sip of the coffee.
“What’s going on?” I ask, folding myself up in the chair opposite her. It hasn’t been that long since we last saw each other.
It takes her a while before she responds, her eyes distant, looking out the large window across from us. “I think our families underestimated what it would mean for this power to wake.” She pulls her green eyes to me. “They greatly underestimated it, Ava. The more I train with it, the more it takes hold, and I know Ciaran sees it.”
I don’t say anything, because truly, what can I? That dark magic that flows through her isn’t something any of us truly understand, aside from maybe Kallen. So, instead, I put my mug down on the coffee table and lean forward. “It sounds like we need a girls’ day of movies and pizza.”
She smiles sadly but nods in agreement. “You aren’t going to tell me what’s going on with you?”
My heart breaks a little, desperate to let her in on why I’m so upset but knowing nothing good can come from sharing.
“You know, Hansley used to get like that, when she saw something. Something that scared her.” I stay quiet, my eyestrained on the floor so she can’t take anything from them. “Ava, in the end, that killed her. Don’t make my sister's mistake. We can help, if you’ll let us.”
“Your sister was a seer, so you above all should know and understand just why I can’t say anything. One wrong word, one wrong conversation, and it can all go up in flames,” I try to explain.
She shakes her head sadly. “If we can change it for the bad, why can’t we change it the way we want it to go?”
“It doesn’t work that way, Astrea, you know that. Please, please, don’t push me on this. I’m already barely hanging on. I don't want to keep denying you this information. So, please, stop asking.” My voice cracks, tight with tears threatening to pour over.
For a moment, I worry she won’t let it drop, but in the end, she gathers me up in her arms for a hug and a promise that she won’t push. For the rest of the night, she gives me what I’ve desperately needed: a moment's rest to forget what is hunting us.
After the Eufori incident, we fall into a strange routine of fucking, working, and cuddling. But my anxiety is always there, clawing at me, demanding a way out. Astrea’s words are also haunting me now. It’s eating me alive, and I know I don’t have long before I lose my mind trying to keep it all at bay. I can see why Shadow used drugs to deal with his emotions; it’s easier than sitting in them all the time. Drowning in them.
Shadow and Drago rotate who is with me whenever I work at the club, despite the assurance from my brother that the wards will hold. Drago doesn’t let me return to his club, though hedisappears often at night, coming home with cracked knuckles and blood that isn’t his own. Shadow is always the one to go to him first, taking care of him alone. It’s time I often wish I could intrude on, if only to spend the precious few moments I have left with them in their presence.
Drago must have left this morning only a few hours after he got in, the side of his bed long cold by the time I roll over and reach for him. Shadow pulls me against his bare chest instead, and I enjoy the warmth. It’s these moments that make me endlessly thankful for how Shadow has evolved during our time together. He has developed a softer side, a side that he refused to have prior to our mating. Cuddling was something he never allowed before, and now, he can’t keep his hands off me.This will make it so much worse when it all happens.
