Page 57 of Heavy is the Crown
She slowly slips the blade from my hand. “Shadow, you aren’t walking through a minefield alone anymore. You have us. You aren’t the same person you were days, weeks, months, years ago, as you dealt with all this shit. Cravings aren’t going to go away, but cravings don’t have to have the same power they used to.” She pushes to stand, a halo of light appearing around her. “This thing only has power the longer you sit with those thoughts. The more you feed it, the bigger it gets. So, next time you feel like this? Come to us, first off, but second, acknowledge its existence, but don’t dwell.”
I shake my head, not understanding. How do I acknowledge something but not dwell on it? It’s a monster in the closet, stalking me from behind the closed door whether I say it’s there or not.
She smiles warmly at me, her eyes alight with love and understanding. “Imagine a leaf floating down a river. You see it, you know it's there, but you don’t stop it. You let it float by. You aren’t ignoring it. But you also aren’t allowing it to build up and clog the river.” She bends down and plants a kiss on my head, the move so tender it brings tears to my eyes. “Remind yourself of the times you didn’t give in, like right now. Never forget the battles you’ve won.” Her lilac scent wafts by me as she exits the apartment, leaving me alone again.
Ava
My hand shakes as I drop the blade into the trash can of our bedroom. My breathing is barely contained; I don’t have to wonder what would have happened if I had walked into that bathroom a moment later. Guilt ravages me as I think about what will happen to Shadow if I execute my plan to stop my vision. I bite my lip hard to avoid the broken sob that wants to wrench itself from my throat. The metallic taste of blood floods my mouth, and I quickly move away from the room in case Shadow can scent it.
The kitchen is barely lit by the early morning light, but I can make out the coffee pot regardless. The liquid is still piping hot from Drago having made some for his workout. I can’t remember a time he’s been in bed when I’ve awoken. He’s either at the club or at the gym. Shadow, however, is normally always with me since we mated. Which was what made this morning so strange and had me rushing to the bathroom when I realized he wasn’t coming back to bed.
Samhain flutters down to my shoulder, his beak pushing through my hair as he nuzzles into me. I scratch the soft feathers behind his head, closing my eyes and soaking up the calming effect he has on me. As I settle onto the couch, he flutters down next to me. I clutch the warm coffee mug like a lifeline, as if I’ll suddenly be thrown into a typhoon of emotions if I set it down.
I know what Ineedto do now that I have my magic again. The idea came to me in the wee hours of the morning after we mated. But I can’t bring myself to ruin the bliss we’ve created here. We’ve been mated for such a short time, I don’t want to throw a grenade into it. I want us all to enjoy this peace. Yet, I know the longer I wait, the worse it’ll be when it all comes crumbling down.
Setting the mug down, I stand and spy my cell phone where it lies discarded on the countertop. I grab it and scroll down to my brother’s name, then take a deep, grounding breath before I hit send and bring the phone to my ear.
“Ava?” his deep voice rumbles, sleep coating it. I can imagine him lying in bed, hair messy, as he holds the phone.
“Jax, I need your help.”
THIRTY-ONE
My Loves,
I know if you find this letter, I’ve called in my favor to my brother.
I also know you may never forgive me for that.
– Ava
Drago
(“SWEET DREAMS” – HANZO)
From the dark recess above the crowd, I hold court. Partially hidden behind black velvet curtains, I sit on my leather couch, legs splayed open and both arms thrown over the back of it. I look at ease with my surroundings. My white shirt is thrown open, revealing my tattooed midsection and the defined muscles from years of fighting. My white hair hangs untidy in my face.
I keep my eyes scanning the crowd, on alert for issues but also looking out for my mates. Ava and Shadow are down there someplace, one enjoying the fray while the other is most likely cursing our tiny hellion for wanting to be in the crowd. It wasn’t my first choice to have her out on the floor, but something hasbeen off about her, an anxious energy that keeps pulsing down the bond. So, I couldn’t say no to her tonight. And Shadow would rather brave the crowds than allow someone to touch what is ours.
The movement of the curtains blocking the stairway pulls my gaze away from the congested dance floor, and I find my head of security walking up to me. Kai doesn’t look imposing to the naked eye, but there is a reason he’s managed to work his way up to being one of my most-trusted men. His dark hair and luminous yellow eyes give him an edge. I look him up and down. His black suit is pristine.
“The weather is getting worse; it’s bringing more people in,” he says in his typical flat voice.
I nod. “Make sure anyone who needs to get home is able to. I don’t want my people in danger because of this fucking storm,” I say, before taking a long drag of liquid from the tumbler in my hand. Outside the weather clashes, wind and rain pelting the streets in a maelstrom.
He nods, already sending out a text from the phone in his hand. “We have one more issue,” he says, his voice uncharacteristically unsure.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. If it’s flustering Kai, it can’t be good. “What now?”
He rocks on his heels, as though he wants to be anywhere but here, delivering me this information. “It’s Ava. Tren saw her take something from the stash. I, uh . . . I don’t think she’s sober.”
(“Promises (Skrillex and Nero Remix)” – Nero)
A long sigh escapes my mouth as I lean forward on my knees before standing and walking to the edge of the railed balcony. Looking down, it only takes a second for me to find Ava—crawling up into one of the cages on the mainstage. She’s wearing a black mesh bodysuit. Save for the patterns of dark snakes that curve over the most sensitive parts of her body, it’sentirely transparent. Her pink hair is pulled up into two buns, one on either side of her head, and even from here, I can see the obscene amount of glitter she’s plastered on her body. Cheers erupt from the crowd as they see her take the stage. But instead of entering the cage, she stays in front of the DJ booth, her hands suddenly producing flames that match Shadows.
“Shit,” I mutter as she starts to dance in a sultry way, those flames licking over her body like a lover’s tongue. The crowd goes wild as she dips and spins around, her ass on full display in the tiny bodysuit. Off to the side, I can see Shadow seething, his own flames practically spilling off him. She continues to run her hands up and down her body, those flames following her obediently. The DJ is living for it—he continues to pick up the beat of the song, throwing his hands in the air as the crowd screams. I continue to track her body as the song draws to a close, and when she meets my eyes, I know she sees the small tilt of my head.
“Get them up here.”
