Page 27 of Now and Forever
Golden held her breath and looked down at the small space that existed between them where his phone sat. She wished she had the nerve to sit closer. She wished she had the backbone to continue their conversation but she just didn’t. What if the answer to her question wasn't at all what she wanted to hear?
It was the single worst day of my life because you were always like a daughter to me, Golden,she imagined him saying. What if she had scooted closer when he first sat down next to her and he gave her a look of horrified confusion and moved away? No, she wasn't strong enough to survive being made a fool of again. What happened two years ago in his bedroom was enough to haunt her until the day she died.
Golden could feel his eyes on her and she looked up.
Grayson studied her face and glanced away before looking back at her with a curious expression. "What were you thinking about earlier when I first drove up? You were standing there in the yard with your eyes closed and head back."
She tried to recall earlier in the yard. It seemed lifetimes away since Grayson arrived. Squinting in thought, she remembered she was thinking about her time at Juilliard.
Golden made a face. She decided to answer a question with a question. "Why haven't you asked me about Juilliard?"
"You weren't ready to talk about it. I just got you back, I'm in no rush to run you off," he answered solemnly.
She stared at him. Did he truly mean that? "You're not disappointed I quit? After getting into such a prestigious school for the exact thing I wanted to do, I just up and quit. You'renot disappointed at all?" Her words could barely squeeze out the tightening of her throat as shame latched itself onto her.
"No. Are you?"
Tears ran down her face. "Yes," she hissed. All the pent-up feelings of her failure began to spill out. "I hated it there. I hated the people. I hated the teachers and students. The toxic attitudes and passive-aggressive treatment. The feeling of always being the odd one out and not belonging no matter how hard I tried to fit in with people I just couldn't vibe with. I don't know what it was–classism, racism, or sexism. Honestly, it felt like all of the above but not in a direct way. It was so pervasive I couldn't tell anyone and believe they’d actually listen. It just made me sound crazy like the problem was me. They would sayno one else is having these issues, orwe haven't heard this complaint before, completely invalidating everything I was saying. I just couldn't imagine doing another two years of that. Or worse, a possible lifetime of dealing with more people like that all to achieve a dream to sing professionally. And do I even want to sing professionally or do I just like to sing? I don't know, I just feel lost and stupid and like I wasted everyone's time.”
Grayson reached for her, his hands finding her shoulders and pulling her close until she was leaning against him. Gently, he swiped the tears from her face with his thumb. "You haven't wasted anything."
"I feel like I’ve been spoiled here, as funny as that is," she sniffed. "Years and years of just feeling like a weirdo with no real family. Feeling like I was just Gaige's friend or the girl who could sing well. But in reality, I had it all here. Because New York immediately took the veil off my eyes and showed me just how good I had it back here. I feel like a failure."
"Spoiled?" Grayson laughed under his breath. "You don't know the meaning."
Golden could feel herself growing hot against the hand that lingered on her cheek.
"But I know how you feel," he continued. "Trust me, I know. My father was a true bastard through and through. The kind of man who had a set path for all three of his sons and then pitted us against one another. I never wanted to work for the company, but saying that would have been the equivalent of spitting in my father's face. So, I did what the dutiful son is expected to do and obeyed. I got the degrees and the endless training but I hated every minute of it. I felt ungrateful and a little inadequate at first. Here I was, a Rosebank, a man with generational wealth and a role in my family's company handed to me and I was miserable."
She never knew any of this. Sitting a little straighter against him, she looked up at him. "How did you get out?"
"Well, as you can see, I'm not truly out," he smirked and pointed to his phone on the table. "Grant still calls me about anything he doesn't trust the usual team of lawyers with."
"You know what I mean," she urged.
Grayson relaxed into the couch and his arm around her shoulders tightened, hugging her to him. "I got out because I decided I would not live the rest of my life doing what other people wanted and never what I wanted. So, I just left it for Grant to run."
Golden imagined Grayson telling his intimidating brother he was leaving the company and the argument that no doubt occurred amongst the brothers. "How did it feel when you made that decision?"
"Like taking my first breath of air. I promise you; it will feel the same for you." His sincere voice was pitched so low it thrummed through her, working its strange magic over her.
She did feel relief and she was more than happy to reconnect with him, but the shame of quitting Juilliard was still fresh. She just hoped one day it would fade.
Taking the chance, she leaned deeper into his side until her face was pressed against him. "Can I stay like this a little longer?”
His hand rubbed rhythmically at her shoulder. "You never have to ask."
Leaning against the reception desk, Golden stared out the windows of the main entrance. She was standing in the foyer of the building waiting on the post. Having just gotten back from lunch with a friend when she got a message from Grayson's assistant to pick up the mail, she decided to wait in the lobby before going up.
Good. It gave her plenty of time to daydream about last night.
When she watched Grayson pull away from the curb last night, the powerful engine giving off a beautiful low growl that echoed off the houses in the neighborhood, she practically squealed like a child. It was perfect. So freaking perfect she could hardly stand it, much less sleep. All she could do was think about the firm strength of his body against her when he held her. Or the way his deep velvety voice wrapped around her as he spoke.
Last night, it felt like another door opened between them. A path that led her further from the friendly guiding role he always played in her life to something a little more intimate.
Golden grinned. Happiness soared through her like fireworks.
A big brown truck stopped in front of the building and she straightened away from the reception desk. Greeting the delivery man and signing for the heavy envelope, Golden headed to the elevators.
