Page 61 of Needing More
His words faded and she knew he wanted to say he was still hurt. Hurt that she caused.
Leaning her head onto his big shoulder she closed her eyes at the warmth and prayed to whoever was out there. She couldn't lose them.
Hayden spoke again and there was a resigned note to it this time. "Let's just take this one day at a time."
Sitting up, she looked at Hayden's face and she could see the doubt and anger still there. Both Joel and Vic shared curious if not hopeful looks with her in return.
Her once neatly organized love life was messier than before, filled with uncertainty and hostility. But she had hope. All she had to do was ignore the insecure thoughts whispering in her heart.You're not strong enough to hold these three great men to you? A girl whose own mother abandoned her and whose father wanted nothing to do with her. Where do you get off thinking you're good enough?
She had to push the thoughts away. She had to fight for them, fight for this. Because if she didn't, she knew she would never get a chance at love like this ever again.
Chapter 19
NormallySapphirewouldhavedriven to the big home improvement store in Stardust Cove for all the things she needed, but here she was walking into Ham's Hammers and Hardware waving at Ham as she passed by the register counter.
Damn small town.
If word got out, and it very much would, that she went to Home Depot over Ham's place for all her purchases, not only would she lose a pretty loyal customer to her Friday chocolate banana bread special at the café, she would without a doubt gain an enemy as well.
"Hi there, Miss Sapphire. What can I do for ya today?" Ham called out, walking from behind his counter to meet her in the center of the store.
"I need paint. Lots and lots of paint." She said, giving him a deadpan look and holding up her phone with a picture of the farmhouse.
Ham let out a long low whistle under his breath as he stared at the picture. "Well, I'll say," he drawled the old country phrase before turning around and holding up his hand at the side of his mouth to holler toward the back. "Herbert!" he yelled. "Come on out here."
Sapphire smirked at the sight of Herbert Foster, Ham's ornery husband. His white beard and bushy white eyebrows clashed beautifully against his dark mahogany skin and permanent glower. He reminded her of a stern Santa Claus. Wearing a pair of overalls that matched his husband and a faded pink and green checkered shirt underneath, the barrel-chested man dwarfed his slender built partner.
Herbert looked to her and then to his husband in silent question.
"You won't believe it," Ham began excitedly. "But it seems like that old farmhouse of Vic's is finally getting fixed up."
Herbert's bushy eyebrows shot up. "You don't say. I know it couldn’t be Mateo's doing. That old bastard never gave a damn about that house." He looked to her to confirm. "Vic trying to sell it or something?"
Feeling a little guilty and knowing fully well that these two viewed gossip like a form of currency, Sapphire looked around dramatically before leaning conspiratorially forward. Like plants turning toward the sun, the two men happily leaned forward as well.
"No one really knows yet but," she paused for dramatic effect and she could swear she heard Ham swallow in anticipation. "Ruiz senior has finally been taken to a nursing facility in Stardust due to one too many violent outbursts with Vic."
She couldn't help but remember her first and last encounter with the notorious old man. She didn’t feel bad at all using him as gossip fodder.
The bit of news hit the couple's palate like sweet cream. Sapphire could practically feel the satisfaction roll off of them as they nodded in understanding, all the while their eyes twinkled at the juicy bit of gossip. And just like that, the ball was rolling. Waving her to follow them, Herbert and Ham chimed in with their opinions as they simultaneously started grabbing supplies and heaping them into her cart.
"It's about time if you ask me," Herbert grumbled from behind the paint counter as he easily hoisted a big bucket of paint onto a mixing machine. "That man was hell-fucking-bent on dragging Vic's life down with his. You pick a color?"
Blinking at the quick change of topic, Sapphire pulled out her chosen paint samples. "Oh, um, yes. I was thinking of this Sandy Dove color for the exterior and maybe pair it with the Colonnade Gray?" Her tone becoming less sure the longer she stared at the Colonnade Gray, which she had planned on using for the trim and the wrap-around porch.
"Let me see that picture again?" Ham asked, wearing his own frown.
After a few minutes of scanning the picture and shuffling through paint samples, they decided to pair the off-white with an olive sage instead.
Three bags of paint supplies and four twelve-gallon buckets of paint later Sapphire was on the road again.
Normally gossiping wasn't something she would entertain much less instigate, but Sapphire felt no guilt whatsoever. She didn't care if the whole world knew about Mateo Ruiz's fate. The old man had tried to ruin everything that day last week.
But he didn't. Despite everything, they were all holding on.
After that tumultuous night, the four of them decided to take it slow when it came to Vic's presence. To take it day by day and not rush anything. Later on, Joel told her what Vic had confessed to both him and Hayden about possibly leaving them and Holter altogether if things didn't work out between the four of them. The thought made her physically ill.
It was one thing for her to lose them. It would hurt and it would probably leave a permanent scar deep in her heart for the rest of her life. But it was inconceivable to even think of the friendship between the three men breaking apart—all because of her. That was an outcome she could not live with.
