Page 59 of Needing More
Sensing that there wouldn't be any more punches thrown his way, Vic backed up and sat heavily on one of the benches behind him. Exhaustion settled over him and Vic stared at his hands. There were splinters stuck in the skin here and there covered in dried blood. He hadn't even noticed it.
"I can't do this if I can't love her too," he admitted in a low whoosh of air. Still examining his hands, Vic thought of Sapphire's beautiful smile and tilted his head, and closed his eyes as the words spilled from his mouth. "Yeah, I love being around you guys and I more than love being around her. But that's the damn problem. I can't do it anymore. I can't enjoy myself and only sample the happiness all around me while watching you two take her away from me every goddamn night for the rest of my life. Just knowing that you three are living a life I could only ever dream of right in front of my eyes would break me. All we used to ever say we wanted back in the day was to stay friends forever. I used to think if we could just get out of that fucked up lifestyle and keep by each others' side then that would be all I need. And fuck if I didn’t get it all, too. We had everything untilsheshowed up." He could hear both men shift uncomfortably at his words, but Vic continued.
"In walked in this sassy little thing with her mean, beautiful face and reluctant smile and…and Jesus Christ all she did was show us what the hell we were really missing—her. So, no," Vic finished, each word heavier than the last as he opened his eyes and looked painfully back at his two best friends. "I can't do it. I can't stay and not have her too."
Vic thought the words would have been a relief, a weight of truth off his shoulders. They weren't. He felt worse somehow. As if he had thrown the gauntlet onto the table and was waiting for his opponents' next move. It was a helpless feeling that made him want to throw up.
Hayden looked lost for words. Shaking his head, he stepped back and turned around.
The silence between them sat like a load of bricks in the air.
Could he even do it? Vic looked at the house and thought of selling it all and riding away on his bike, putting Holter and Stardust behind him. He couldn't help but think of Sapphire. What would she do when he announced his leaving? Pain bloomed in his chest like blood from a gunshot wound soaking his shirt as his imagination conjured her image. She would probably just give him a resigned look and nod, telling him it's all for the best. Hayden was probably right. Maybe her love wasn't real at all. Maybe it was just all in his head.
"I wouldn't mind," Joel spoke.
Both Hayden and Vic turned and looked at the smirking man. Joel stood with his arms crossed and considered Hayden with a raised brow before speaking again. "I thought I had made it pretty obvious that I wouldn't mind if Vic joined this relationship."
Hayden opened his mouth to speak, but Joel held up a hand.
"I'm serious." He looked seriously at both men. "Vic's like a brother and honestly I kind of knew from the beginning Sapphire could love him too."
Hayden's mouth dropped and he looked at Joel, speechless for a moment. "That's…that's not the point he betrayed us. He-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Joel waved Hayden's words away like flies. "But to be real honest, I kind of figured it would happen eventually."
"And you're okay with that?!" Hayden asked.
Joel nodded before grinning. "Yeah. Just like I'm okay with you fucking her in the gym the other day breaking our so-called rules." He held up air quotes.
Hayden glared at him. "Don’t give me that. I know what you both do in the shower every morning. I'm not an idiot."
Joel didn't look apologetic at all.
"It still doesn't change this and his fucking lies," Hayden said sourly, pointing at Vic. "What if he tears it all apart? What if everything we built with her just fucking vanishes because he came into the mix?!"
Joel heaved a sigh and pinned Hayden with a frustrated stare. "You're just afraid she’s going to stop lovingyoufor him. And if tonight," he pointed to the house, his voice edging on anger now, "wasn't enough of an indicator that she is scared as fuck to lose you, then I'm not sure what else you need."
The grim set of Hayden's mouth drooped a little as he looked over to the house. Vic knew he was feeling guilty for what happened. They stood there for a couple of seconds in silence before Hayden straightened and walked back toward the house, apparently done with the conversation.
Vic looked at Joel and tried to read the man's real feelings behind his usual smile. He wanted to ask him if he was being genuine earlier if he really meant what he said about him being okay with Sapphire loving him too. But Vic didn't say anything. It already felt as if he was skating on thin ice as it was.
"Come on." Joel motioned for him to follow and made his way back to the house.
Chapter 18
ThelastthingSapphireremembered was the bright sun shining into the white tiled bathroom. The sun in its clear brightness had tried and lost against the painful thumping in her head and the miasma of self-loathing surrounding her. She had ruined everything in her life. That had been her last thought before the cold comforting blackness stole her away.
Now as she opened her eyes to the low-lit room, streaks of late evening light coming in through the window on the far-left wall barely illuminating the large room, she blinked as her memories came back. Like a tide rolling in, the painful memories of reality brought with them the echoes of pain in her head.
"Sweetheart?"
Turning to the familiar voice beside her, Sapphire blinked at Joel. Her beautiful fallen angel. Worry streaked his beautiful blue eyes and his golden hair fell partially in his face.
Joel glanced above her head and she followed his line of sight. On the other side of her, Hayden sat at the edge of the bed while beyond him a familiar figure stood draped in shadows in the far corner of the room.
All at once, her tears fell.
"Shh, baby, don't cry," Joel hushed her as he helped her sit up and wrapped one arm over her shoulder and sat on the bed next to her. "It's okay."
