Page 34 of A Love So Wrong
The boy behind the cash register smiled awkwardly at her as he rang up the items. Jade remembered a time when she was younger and how self-conscious she felt buying pads, usually forcing the task off on her mom to do. Now, she was just too tired and in too much pain to care. Giving the boy a tired smile back, she held out her cash in one hand when he totaled it up. She froze. It was three dollars more than she had. Embarrassed, Jade looked back down in her wallet to see if she maybe missed a few dollars, all the while feeling the impatient stares of the people behind her waiting. Her heart sank as her empty wallet gaped back at her. Leaning forward, she pulled the little green foil box of chocolates back out of the plastic bag and handed it back to the attendant with shame.
"Can you take these off?" she asked in a low voice, all the while praying he didn't need to call for a manager to do so.
Nodding, the boy took off the item bringing the total down to what she had. Paying for the items, she took her bags and walked quickly out of the store, too happy to get away from that mortifying scene.
She was lying in her bunk a half-hour later when the sound of the driver's door opening stirred her from the edge of a nap she was flirting with.
"It smells good in here," Gideon announced, but Jade didn’t turn over in her bunk.
When she got back to the truck, she had started the barbecue ribs on the slowest setting. It would be a few hours before they were ready.
Making a grunting noise of acknowledgment, she stayed in her cocoon with her heating pad pressed firmly to her stomach. Jade was so uncomfortable she could scream—or cry, she couldn't be sure. Her stomach hurt, her back hurt, and she was cold and hungry, at this point, all she wanted to do was sleep.
"You ready to go?" Gideon called out, and she could hear him fiddling with the controls on the dashboard and guessed he was in the driver's seat. "We need to pick up the load on Wallace street, and then we will be on our way to Utah."
Knowing she needed to get up, Jade pushed herself upward from her warm cocoon and slowly climbed down to the floor, dragging her blanket around her shoulders as she went. Walking to her seat, she froze. Sitting in her seat was the little green box of chocolates she couldn't afford.
Looking to Gideon, she stood there in silence as she looked at the back of his head. From her position, she could see the rise of his cheeks and knew he was grinning as he typed in the directions onto the GPS. He must have followed her to the store and saw that she had to put them back. Tears pricked at her eyes. Damn him for being so sweet. How did she stand a chance like this? How was she supposed to act like the sister he wanted if he was always going to be so considerate to her? Every month without fail, Gideon always sensed when she was on her period. She wasn't even sure how he did it. Was he counting her birth control tablets and realizing when he got to the dummy pills? She had no clue, but each time he went out of his way to accommodate her, whether it be random shoulder rubs, stopping for bathroom breaks more than usual, or this—buying her much needed chocolate.
Realizing she hadn't moved or said anything, Gideon turned in his chair to look back at her, his grin falling a little as he caught her tears. Getting up before she could stop him, he pulled her into his arms, which only made her cry more.
Sinking into his warmth, she hugged him back. Dear Lord, what was she going to do? She could feel her heart breaking and remolding itself in her chest as her love for him grew beyond the boundaries she and society had placed. She was sinking, and she knew deep down she didn't want to save herself.
~*~
Leaning against the grill of his truck, Gideon yawned loudly as he listened to Ron, yelling on the other end of the phone.
"It's my house and my family's money! I am the one fucking taking care of mom," Ron screeched through the line. "This allowance you set up isn’t working, she needs to be able to access more!"
Pulling his attention from Jade's smile as she sat across the cement bench and laughed at something Toby said, Gideon stared off at the Salt Flats around them. They were still in Utah, but they were heading out towards Nevada tomorrow.
"Well, that's funny," Gideon answered. "Because before mom handed you the phone, she told me she was doing just fine."
"She is just saying that, but I'm telling you what she is too afraid to say," Ron shouted, not willing to let go of his argument.
Bringing his gaze back to Jade, who was staring at her hand of cards with a level of seriousness no one should ever use at a game of spades, Gideon sighed. He needed to end this stupid phone call.
"Ok, Ron, I understand you’re disappointed because now that you’re back in the house you were kicked out of, you realize it's in my name, and the accounts are controlled by me. Yeah, ok, I get that. But what you fail to realize is that Jade talks to mom once a week, and mom texts me more than that. Her doctor sends me an email after every check-up, as does her pharmacy after every refill. So, you see Ron, even though mom chose to side with you, I'm still taking care of her. So, do me a favor, just sit there and live rent-free and be the worthless piece of shit dad always thought you were."
Gideon had hoped that the last barb would get the man to hang up in anger so he could go back to enjoying his day off. No such luck.
"I'll make you regret that, you bastard!" Ron growled, and Gideon could just imagine the man's pinched face tightening in anger.
Looking up from her game, Jade cast Gideon a questioning glance to which Gideon smiled back in return. Putting his other hand on the mic, he mouthed he would be over there in a moment. Nodding with a smile, she turned back to her game.
Time to end this. Stepping off from the truck, Gideon rolled his stiff shoulders. "Look,brother," Gideon said the word with as much derision as he could muster. "I suggest you go back to the charade of being a good son. Because if I even suspect you're not taking care of my momma, I will have the sheriff's office doing random welfare checks at all hours of the day, every day until I make my way back, and when I get down there, Ron, there won't be enough officers to pull me off of you."
The muted hush signaled to Gideon that the line was finally disconnected.
"About damn time," Gideon mumbled as he pocketed the phone and made his way over to the other two.
~
"I feel like we've been to nearly every damn state since we left home, and every single one of them looks the same," Gideon groaned as they passed another major off-ramp leading to yet another strip of concrete carved into nature filled with the same big-name chain stores.
Jade grinned at that. In a way, he was right. Every major exit of any town located off the highway seemed to consist of the same stores over and over again. Even how they were positioned and which order they ran in from left to right was the same. Although, she mused as she stared off at the brightly lit Target parking lot in the distance, for all the similarities the states possessed, there was one signifying difference amongst them, and that was nature. From the southwest to the far east, drylands changed to wetter climates. From the south heading north, trees shifted from broad leafy canopies to narrow spurs of conifer. Miles and miles of endless grass changed to sepia fields of dirt and rocks. Hills rose higher and higher until great mountains emerged topped with untouched snow. Nature announced its difference, while uniform man-made structures strived for congruity.
"We've seen a lot of beautiful places too, though," she reminded him.
