Page 19 of A Love So Wrong
"Eventually," she continued. "I just had to give her a cup of chamomile tea and a sleeping pill," she said tiredly. Quietly, she added, "It just feels like nothing I do is ever good enough."
"Hey, don't put that on yourself," Gideon leaned forward. The wide range of his shoulders blocked out the living room behind him as he leaned forward until she had no choice but to focus on the six-foot-plus ex-football player in front of her. "Mom has been like this in some degree or another from the moment we met her, and God bless dad for being the one to willingly dedicate his life to it. But now that he's gone…well, you know what dad told us."
It would only get worse, she repeated mentally. Those five words echoed silently between them, with no need to be spoken aloud.
The pitter-patter sound of rain hitting the metal vent-a-hood over the stove in the kitchen lulled over the room like a blanket of quiet.
Standing from his seat, Gideon grabbed his dishes and walked over to the dining room window, and pushed the blinds apart with one finger to stare out into the night.
"Saved by the rain," he said, tossing her a dimpled grin over his shoulder as he walked back and picked up his dirty dishes. Placing the dishes in the washing machine, he started it. Coming back to the dining room, he stopped behind her chair. The warm feel of his big hands sliding around her shoulders made her jump slightly.
With a gentle grip on her shoulders, he silently urged her to get up from the chair. "Come on, let's go sit in the den. I'll even let you snuggle under the blanket with me."
Jade's heart clenched at that, and she wasn't too ashamed to admit to herself that that sounded perfect. Turning the dining and living room lights off as they passed by, they left the house completely dark in their wake. Going into the den, he shut the door that led to the living room and the other that connected to the laundry hall. Completely shut off from the rest of the house, he flipped on the dim lamp by the side of the couch. Much like the glow from a candle, the lamp’s creamy yellow light barely covered the room. Flopping onto the couch first, Gideon patted the spot directly at his side. As soon as she sat down and her back hit the comfy sofa, Jade could feel the tension immediately dissipate from her body. Between school and coming home and dealing with mom all evening, she was exhausted.
"Is it terrible of me that some days after having to deal with mom all day, I sometimes wish we could enact the plan now?" she confessed softly.
Gideon stiffened beside her, his large arm that was draped behind her head along the top of the sofa dropped down to her shoulder and hugged her closer to him. For the briefest second, Jade closed her eyes, allowing herself to bask in the warmth from his body. Pulled closer to him, she could clearly feel the hard, defined ridges of his oblique muscles.
"No," he finally answered. "It's not terrible at all, but I don't want you to get the wrong impression about it, Jade," he said, turning so that she could see the serious glint in his eyes. "It won't be temporary, nor will it be fun. This would be me and you living day in and day out in a seventy-seven-inch sleeper rig for the foreseeable future. Our home, our friends, and everything we know will boil down to just you and me and everything we can fit in the rig."
Each word had the same amount of force behind it as a hammer did to a nail. She could see by the low furrow of his brow and the harsh set of his jaw that the plan was not at all something he wanted to execute.
Seeing the sudden worry in her face, Gideon's expression softened, and he tightened his arm around her shoulders, hugging her tighter against him until her cheek was pressed against his chest.
"I don't mean to scare you," his voice rumbled beneath her ear, and she vaguely wondered when it was exactly that his confidently smooth boy voice from when they were children roughened and changed to the deep assured tone of a man. "I'm probably just projecting my own fear onto you," he continued. "I heard from Andy that his cousin, who works at the meatpacking plant outside of Holter, apparently knows a man who is best friends with Ron."
Jade didn’t miss the way he said Ron's name as if he was speaking of a leper.
"And you know how gossip is in this town," Gideon said.
Jade nodded. Gossip was the only thing in this town that could give the speed of light a run for its money. Once this so-called friend had found out about Henry Lattimores’ death, it was only a matter of time before that news got to Ron.
"Well, hopefully, he won't want to come here," Jade could hear the pathetic attempt at optimism in her own voice.
Gideon didn't say anything. It was Henry who acted as a shield against his first son, but now that he was gone, it was only a matter of time. Legally, Ron had just as much claim to come back and be with his mother as they did, and from what Henry had told them, Sandra would let him do just that.
"And besides, maybe he's changed," she tried again.
Gideon grunted. "Hopefully, we'll never have to find out.”
~*~
For weeks their lives progressed in the same blissful routine. Jade would come home after school and sit with their mother as she worked on some various projects or another. Sweaters, blankets, doilies, and quilts were being churned out faster than Jade could go to the craft supply store. But each time Jade found herself in line at the store with her mother holding skeins of yarn and quilting squares, Jade reminded herself this was all for the sake of everyone's sanity. Preoccupied and content were emotions she and Gideon could handle with their mother instead of the unpredictable bouts of manic depression.
It was the evenings Jade looked forward to the most. With slow baby steps, Jade had established a new routine with their mother. Getting up earlier than normal, they took that time in the breaking morning light and ate breakfast together as a family. At that moment, they were almost how they once were. They smiled and laughed as they recounted their previous day to their mother, all the while ignoring the prominent empty spot at the table. Together, they ignored the shadows of fatigue under both Gideon's and her eyes as they lived in that peaceful moment of happiness. And after long hours spent at school on both her and Gideon's part, they went off to their prospective duties until they met once again that night. That was when they finally released the breath they held all day. That was where they truly celebrated Gideon's Christmas Eve birthday with cake and sparkling cider. There in that den was where they relaxed nightly under the small island of yellow light in the dark house recounting the rigors of their day and silently assuring the other that it would all get easier in the future.
~*~
"I think I want to get a new sewing machine," Sandra announced.
It was Saturday, and Jade had just come back from the grocery store. Pulling out a jar of pickles from her bag, Jade paused and turned to her mother who was looking at her with excitement from the couch and pointed to her laptop screen. Grabbing the remote, Jade turned down the loud TV playing a rerun of a public court show.
"See, look at this one. Isn't it wonderful?" Sandra exclaimed as Jade stepped closer to see what she was referring to on the screen. "It's computerized, so you will need to help me like you did the last one Henry bought for me, but I think if I…"
"Momma," Jade interjected gently, looking at the seven-hundred-dollar price for the machine. "We can’t afford to get a new machine right now."
"What are you talking about?" Sandra frowned. "Of course, we can."
