Page 25 of A Love So Wrong
As if startled by his announcement, Jade jumped in her seat. "We still have some leftover-"
"No," he cut her off, feeling his chest tighten at the flinch she gave at his gruff tone. Softer this time, he spoke again. "I want a burger, and I want to not eat in the truck tonight."
Solemnly, she nodded.
Dated would be a polite term for the diner that sat right next to the old truck stop. Covered in dirty beige and green linoleum tiles that reminded Gideon of split pea soup, with one look, it was apparent the place had never been renovated in its life. The diner’s layout, with its long galley-style design, forced you to enter at one end of the diner and walk down the narrow aisle with round, glittery blue vinyl bar stools lining the bar on their right and matching vinyl booths lining the windows on the left.
Sliding into a booth at the end near the fire exit door, he plucked a plastic menu from the condiment holder at the end of the table. The place was mostly empty, save for one portly trucker balancing his weight on a barstool at the other end of the bar and the middle-aged waitress and cook behind the black retro counter-top.
Looking at the menu in his hands, the quiet was finally dispelled by the light voice he had been waiting for two days now.
"Are you angry with me?"
Setting his menu down, Gideon looked up to Jade's worried face. She was wearing a red quilted jacket, a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, and black boots. She looked good. With her curly hair down around her shoulders, she looked like she was on vacation just sitting down at a dumpy truck stop for kicks, rather than living out of a truck day in and day out. Gideon ran a hand through his curls, he knew he looked exactly like he felt. Not bothering to put on any hair product, his curly hair sat on his head bushy and a little wild while his t-shirt was wrinkled, and his jacket and boots had flecks of mud all over them.
"No," he answered, locking his gaze with hers. "Are you angry with me?"
Her brows drew together, and she gave him a soft, "Of course not."
"I can’t tell, Jade," he said, his exasperation forcing his words out in one large breath. "I honestly can't tell. I mean, I know you don't want to be out here," he sighed, looking down at the yellow formica table in front of him. "Hell, it wasn't what I wanted either, but I thought at least we…" Gideon shook his head, feeling the angry despair he had been trying to hold back well back up within him. "At least if anything, we would have each other," he whispered.
Looking back up at her, he let his eyes drift away from the hollow pain he had been watching grow in her eyes and down to her thin shoulders. She had lost weight since they left, and that fact felt like a bullet to the chest, it felt like he had failed her right from the gate. Inhaling a deep breath, he gave her a resolute look. "So, I've been thinking, with the fifty thousand we have that Henry left us, we can try to go back to Stardust and try and find a place-"
"No Gideon," her tone was sharp for the small diner, and he could see the trucker at the bar turn to glance at them over his shoulder.
Covering his hand on the table, Jade gave Gideon a desperate look. "I don't want that. If we do that, then we'll have no choice but to put school on indefinite hold while working each day just to survive. That's not what dad would have wanted."
The tether within him snapped. That was his only plan, he had nothing else. If she didn't want that, then what else could he do.
"Then what do you want, Jade? Tell me!" Angrily, he grabbed her wrist and held it, afraid if he let go, she would somehow slip even further away from him. Leaning over the table, he gave her a searching look. "Because I'm trying to go by the plan Henry gave us, I'm trying to cope with all of this, but it feels like you’re dying right next to me." Couldn't she see that?
"Is there a problem?" The sudden shadow over them brought both of their attention up to the waitress standing next to their booth. Clutching her notepad, the waitress stared down at where Gideon held onto Jade's wrist. Not letting go, Gideon glared back at the woman, who immediately turned to Jade to give her a worried look. "Ma'am, are you all right?"
Realizing what the worried look on the woman's face meant, Jade turned her hand until she was clutching his and nodded. "Yes, yes, of course," she rushed to explain. "I'm sorry he is just my brother, thank you, I promise everything is fine. Thank you."
Getting up from her seat, Jade slid into the booth next to him, forcing him to scoot over to give her room. Watching as the waitress gave them both a suspicious look before finally walking away, Jade turned and looked up to Gideon, who was now leaning back in his seat with one hand resting on his thigh and the other on the table. Both fists were balled up, and his body tense. Guilt ached in Jade’s chest. Leaning into him, she wrapped her arms around his narrow waist, squeezing her arms around his broad back and in between the vinyl booth. For a second, he tensed, his already hard body turning to stone before slowly relaxing. Dislodging an arm from her hold, he wrapped it around her back, pressing her tighter to him. They probably looked strange to the other people in the quiet diner, but Jade didn't care.
Jade closed her eyes as she spoke. "I'm sorry, Gideon. I'm so sorry."
She never wanted him to feel like this.
Moving above her head, she felt his chin graze the top of her head, and his lips press into her curls. "Talk to me, please," he begged.
There was something so startling about that tone from him. Something so jolting that she felt her thoughts align immediately, snapping back into place, allowing her to realize that Gideon truly needed her just as much as she needed him. Looking up into his amber eyes, she could feel the shame inside of her push away some of her fear, and her spine straightened. It was time for her to grow up. The time for tears was over, the time for holding back all of her thoughts and worries had to stop. Gideon was only a couple of years older than her, and he was doing the best he could, and all she had been doing was making him do it all alone.
"I'm just scared," she admitted in a muffled voice into the fabric of his t-shirt. It smelled really good, she thought absently. It smelled like a rainy summer's night and soap. "I'm scared we have lost everything, and I'm scared about the unknown ahead. I'm being a coward, I know, I…I just don't want to see your future disappear because of me."
"This is not your fault," Gideon said, pushing her shoulder until he could look her directly in the eye.
But Jade shook her head and looked past him out the window at the truck stop. Watching as a man in a flannel shirt and jeans tiredly crossed the parking lot from his truck to the gas station, Jade thought of that fateful night back in Stardust Cove.
"I keep thinking I could have done or said something different to momma that night. Something to convince her to not let Ron into our house, to tell her I didn't feel right about him. I feel guilty that I didn’t want to give Ron a chance, but I knew I could not imagine living in peace there with him around,” she said truthfully. “I feel guilty that you had to give up so much, Gideon." Jade could feel the tears well up in the back of her eyes, and she blinked back the stinging feeling before looking back to Gideon's worried gaze. "Your truck you worked so hard on fixing up, your scholarship, your friends…I just…"
Amber brown eyes, steady and watchful, regarded her for a moment. Lifting his hand from where it rested on her back, Gideon brought it to rest on the bare nape of her neck. Long, callused fingers glided across her skin, causing her to shiver. It was such an odd, intimate sensation Jade suddenly felt cold and hot all over. Using his leverage on her neck, Gideon pulled her back to him, closing the gap between them once again until his lips touched her forehead.
"Jade, listen to me," he said in a hushed tone, using his thumbs to tilt her head upward. Their gazes met, closer now than ever, she could feel the puffs of his breath against her lips and that hot and cold shiver return to her body as he spoke. "I could give a shit about that truck, I can get a degree anywhere, and my friends still message me just as much as they did before," he explained. "What I need is you, do you understand me? I need you more than you will ever comprehend," the quiet but blatant need in his voice fractured through all of her doubts until she was left pliable and trusting. "You're my future. All I need is for you to be happy and to stay with me. Don't drift away from me again, just promise me you will be by my side, and I promise I'll get us through this."
Not trusting herself not to cry, Jade nodded and leaned greedily back into him as he grabbed for the menu. "Now let's order something and then get some sleep. The forecast for tomorrow looks as if it will take all of my focus."
