Page 72 of His Smile
The way he stood away fromher as he spoke, barely meeting her eye, Rahina knew there was more—somethingworse. “Say it, say what it is that you aren’t wanting to say.”
With his back to her now,she watched as his whole body stiffened, steeling himself for the news, beforeturning and facing her with a stony expression.
"I told you, in thebeginning, I had enemies, I told you that you did not fit in my life. I ignoredmy instincts, and I nearly lost you because of it,” scrubbing his face withboth hands, Roman sounded angry but desperate. “I cannot have you if I can'tkeep you safe.”
“What are you saying?”Standing up in alarm, Rahina stood rigidly on unsteady legs by the bed, staringat him. "Are you serious are you telling me you want it to be over betweenus, just like that? I thought you weren't afraid of anything. I nearly getkidnapped and you are trying to tell me it's over, you're being a coward rightnow!”
“Yes,” he roared, turning toface her. His gray eyes practically glowed with emotion. Every muscle in hisbody was drawn tight, ready to snap as he gave her a mad desperate look. “Ifthat makes me a coward, then I am a fucking coward, Rahina! I couldn't surviveit. I cannot stomach the thought of losing you or any children we may have. Iwould lose myself, Rahina.” Breathing deeply, she could see his chest rise andfall with quick ragged breaths as he lost himself in the terror of histhoughts. Shaking his head, he continued, his eyes distant and chaotic. “Even Icannot comprehend the monster, I would become if that were to happen. But I doknow I would hurt them a hundred times worse. I do not want to be that man, butI would. I would be that monster for you, Rahina.”
Tears stung at her eyes atthe revelation of his fears, it made her angry and made her love him all themore. "I'm not asking you to do that. I just want to be with you."
"I thought I could keepyou safe," Roman whispered, seemingly to himself. He wasn't even listeningto her now; he was lost in his swirling thoughts. She could see the furyrolling off of him as he worked himself into another rage. Glancing at hiswatch, he looked up to her, and she knew at that moment he was going to leaveagain. "I need to find answers."
"So, what are yousaying? Do you no longer want to be with me?" the words sounded off andbroken, as the urge to cry threatened her mid-sentence. "You're just goingto toss me aside now?"
He didn't say anything, buthe didn't have to, she could read the pain in his eyes as he struggled with thedecision and she suddenly felt very hollow.
"I'm tired of chasingafter you to love me,” she said in a defeated whisper.
"Rahina," hegrowled stomping back to her and capturing the sides of her face, kissing her."You are not listening to what I am saying, I want you safe."
"Then why…"
A notification sound chimedfrom his phone, interrupting her. Snatching it from his pocket, Roman read themessage on the screen with a deadly focus that seemed to chill the air aroundthem.
"We will talk aboutthis later," Roman’s tone was raw and gruff as he shoved the phone in hispocket and turned away towards the door.
"Where are yougoing?!" she called out, not wanting to leave it like this.
He answered without lookingback. "To listen to a man's prayers for a swift death."
Everything around her seemedto be crumbling. The dream she had been living in with Roman for months now hadbeen shattered. It seemed unreal. Lowering herself to the bed, she stared atthe carpet at her feet, and Rahina felt her hands begin to shake as shereplayed his words in her head. Forty-eight hours ago, she had everything shecould have ever dreamed of forty eight hours ago and now—it was gone. He didn’twant her anymore.
"Rahina," the softwhisper of her name next to her pulled her from her trance. Looking up, she sawDimitri's worried face. She hadn’t even noticed him entering the room orsitting down on the edge of the bed next to her.
“He said he wanted me toleave,” tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision for a moment before sheblinked them away to fall down her cheeks.
Dimitri made a tsking noisewith his tongue in disgust and glared hard at the doorway to the bedroom.“Yes,” he replied grimly. “I heard. That dumb bastard.”
“I…I don’t want to leave,”staring down to her hands in her lap, Rahina didn’t bother wiping the tearsfrom her face. “I love him, I just want him to love me back.”
“Oh, he loves you that iswithout a doubt, the psychotic bastard is just afraid for the first time in hisadult life.”
That sat together insilence, minutes stretching by between them but Rahina barely noticed norminded. Her world was broken, nothing felt like it mattered anymore.
"You know,Rahina," Dimitri turned to her, giving her a slow smile. “The first time Isaw you in your father's office, I thought you were quite stunning, but at thattime it didn’t matter did it? Your eyes were completely focused on Roman.However—it seems things are different now." Reaching over, he cupped bothof her hands, which were folded on her lap. “Come with me, and I promise I'll makeit all better."
~*~
Sitting in the wingbackchair, Roman twirled the machete by its point on the rug. The man in the bedslept quietly, peacefully even, completely unaware of his world about tochange. Roman didn't hold back his sneer of disgust as he examined the room inthe low light provided by the desk lamp. The sorry asshole had his room damnnear professionally decorated to resemble some sort of upscale bachelor pad,with his mahogany desk, damask wallpaper, and leather loveseat. But there wasnothing the asshole could do that would change the fact that he was still asniveling piece of shit living in the room he grew up in his parents’ house.
The man turned over in thebed, settling in comfort, still deep asleep.
Roman stared at the man. Allof this was because of him. The memory of Rahina's terrified scream replayeditself over and over again in his mind, reminding him without mercy how easilyhe could have lost her. Her scream nearly stopped his heart, and he was morethan sure some of his hair turned gray at the sound. Only his unnatural ragethat propelled him through the city streets at mach speed with Mosca hot on histrail, calling in every man they had, kept Roman from losing his sanity. Theunhinged fury focused him as he reached her dance studio first, shooting theguy waiting in the lobby in the head before taking the stairs five at a time.The door to the second floor sitting slightly ajar alerted him. Instinctively,he slipped through the door just as the man cornered Rahina. The rage that hadbeen building to unspeakable levels reached its limit within him and took over.Roman could hardly remember thinking, he could just remember his body movingunder its own accord as he lifted and swung the machete. Thankfully, Dimitriwas there, although he was lost in a sea of overwhelming red Roman knew deep down,he didn't want Rahina to see him like that. He didn’t want her to see himhappily mutilate the man, covering himself and a good portion of the room withblood.
Mosca had captured the thirdman and had the man ready to talk by the time Roman came to see him. Covered inhis friend's blood, Roman stared at the man who was already missing an eye anda few fingers, thanks to Mosca; the man begged for mercy as he explained thathe and his friends were contacted and paid to take the dancer and rough her upa bit before dropping her near a hospital. Roman didn't bother camouflaging hisreaction to the man's intentions for Rahina. The words were his nightmare, itserved him right to hear them. His own arrogance caused this. He should haveprotected her better, assigned her a guard, had men at her studio,something—anything.
The man told him everythingbefore Roman removed his arms, his legs, and finally his head. And now here hewas sitting in the room of the man who paid for Rahina's abduction. Standing upfrom the chair, Roman shut his eyes for a moment as he recalled the pain inRahina's eyes before he left.You will only get her killed, he repeatedto himself for the millionth time. Having her leave was the most logicaldecision. But fuck if it didn't kill him. Leaning his head back, Roman staredpast the ceiling and tried to will the pain in his chest to stop. If she left,he may as well shoot himself in the head. Life without her would be worse thanmeaningless it would be purgatory.
