Page 68 of Second Dance
“You won’t have the pudding feeling if it’s not reciprocated,” I said. “And you must always pay attention to what your gut and instincts are telling you. If you have a prickle of doubt, then it’s wrong. But that’s a long way away for you girls. Right now your focus should be on yourself and your future, with or without a man.”
Bella yawned. “Boys are kind of dumb at our school.”
“So dumb,” Grace said. “Except for Tyler and Robbie.”
“My brother’s smart too,” Bella said. “But sometimes he makes me feel so dramatic.”
“I’m totally dramatic,” Grace said. “Mom said you have to just embrace who you are and not try and be like anyone else. Right, Mom?”
“Absolutely. Now, I hate for this evening to end, but you two need to go to bed, and so do I. Come on, let’s get you settled.”
Grace grumbled something about not wanting to brush her teeth, but she didn’t argue when I steered them toward the bathroom. While they got ready for bed, I fluffed both pillows and made sure both bunks had enough blankets.
“Which is mine?” Bella asked as she came into the room.
When I turned, she was standing awkwardly just inside the doorway, clutching the stuffed cat.
“Bottom,” I said. “Grace loves to sleep on the top bunk, even when no one’s here.”
“Nothing can get me when I’m up here,” Grace said, climbing up the ladder and settling under the covers.
“What would get you?” Bella asked, sounding worried. “Do you have spiders?”
“We have no spiders,” I said firmly. “Grace is just superstitious.”
Grace hung her head over the side of the bed. “I used to think there was a witch who lived under the bunk beds but she couldn’t get me if I was on the top bunk.”
“There’s no such thing as witches,” Bella said, giggling as she crawled under the quilt and top sheet. I tucked her blanket up around her shoulders, smoothing it the way I used to for Grace when she was smaller.
“My mom always did that,” Bella said. “She tucked me in every single night. And she read a story. Even when she was tired. Even when she had a million things to do. Even after she got sick.” Her lip trembled. “I miss her so much.”
The ache in her voice split my heart wide open. I sank to my knees by the bed, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead. “I understand.”
Her eyes filled, and she hugged the stuffed cat tighter. “Nothing’s the same without her.”
“It’s not, no. But I believe she’s still here with you, just like my sister is for me. We can’t see them, but they’re here, looking out for us.”
She gave me a searching look. “Sometimes she comes to me in my dreams.”
“See, there you go. Proof,” I said, smiling as I got to my feet. “Goodnight, lovelies. Sleep as late as you want tomorrow.”
Grace didn’t answer, other than a soft snore. The girl could fall asleep easier than anyone I’d ever known. So lucky. I was not that way. Thankfully, there were always books to read until I felt sleepy enough to drift off.
I turned off the lamplight and headed for the door.
“Gillian?” Bella called out from the bed.
“Yes?”
“This is probably weird, but would you stay with me until I fall asleep?”
Her question surprised me so much that for a moment I froze.
“I mean, you don’t have to,” Bella said.
“Of course I will.” I sank into the rocking chair by the window where I used to rock Grace to sleep. Bella’s breathing slowed after only a few minutes, telling me she was asleep.
I sat there for a moment longer, listening to the even rhythm of both girls sleeping. Something about Bella in my home felt right. As if she’d been here many times before. Thank you, God, for giving me a chance with her, I prayed silently.
