Page 41 of Second Dance
Peter nodded, splaying his hands on his knees. “Even for me, knowing that you should move forward and deserve to be happy with someone new, it’s hard to hear you talk about anyone but Mom like that.”
“I understand.”
“And it makes it worse knowing that you loved Gillian before you loved Mom.”
“That’s true. But it doesn’t negate how much I loved your mom.”
Peter moved a potato chip crumb around in a circle on the counter. “I get it. I do. But I can also understand why Bella’s hurt.”
“I can too. I’m struggling with how much to let her dictate what happens in my love life,” I said.
“You shouldn’t let her ruin this for you. Because it’s not really about me or Bella. If Gillian makes you happy, then you have to go for it. Even if Bella acts awful.”
“She can act really, really awful.” I hesitated, wondering if I should mention Grace’s obvious enthusiasm about her mother meeting someone. The way Grace had showed me parts of their home and life had touched me deeply. She wanted a family. A father.
Peter shifted in his chair, his jaw tightening like he was debating something. Finally, he said, “There’s something I probably should tell you. I didn’t want to at first because I didn’t want to make you upset … but it’s been bothering me.”
I braced myself. “What is it?”
“I caught Bella on the computer last week, looking up … our biological dad. She had a couple tabs open with search results and some random Facebook pages. She slammed the laptop shut when I came in.”
My stomach dropped. “Did she find anything?”
Peter shook his head. “I don’t know. She just got mad when I asked and told me to mind my own business.” He hesitated. “I think she’s questioning everything. Wondering where she belongs. Who she belongs to.”
I leaned back, guilt and sorrow tightening in my chest. “She belongs with us.”
“I think she knows that, deep down,” Peter said gently. “Still, maybe what she really needs is you reassuring her that she still comes first. Nothing changes the fact that you’re her dad.”
“I’m doing my best, but she’s so hard to talk to these days,” I said.
“What do you know about him? Our real dad?”
I dragged a hand down my face. “Not much. Your mom hadn’t seen him for several years by the time I met you guys.”
Peter’s brow furrowed. “Did she ever talk about him?”
“Sometimes. She told me he was trouble from the start—always hustling, always looking for the next easy way out. He drank too much, gambled too much, never kept a job. And when she told him she was pregnant with Bella …” I clenched my jaw, the memory of Mattie’s tears as fresh as if it were yesterday. “He didn’t just walk away. He told her he didn’t believe Bella was even his. Said she was trying to trap him.”
Peter’s eyes widened. “He said that?”
“He did. And it broke your mother’s heart. Because she’d loved him. Wanted to believe the good in him. But instead of stepping up, he turned cruel. Denying Bella was easier than taking responsibility.”
“What about me? Did he believe I was his?” Peter asked.
“He didn’t really think Bella wasn’t his. It was just an excuse to leave. As far asyougo—he never denied you were his, but, from what your mom said, he never spent much time with you. He wasn’t exactly a doting father.”
“I don’t remember him. Not really.”
“You were so young, and your mom sheltered you from all of it. She was often worried he’d show up and ask for money. Fortunately, he never did. Bella’s at an age where the fantasy of him might look better than the reality. And I can’t stop her from being curious about him. It’s natural for her to want to know her biological family.”
Peter looked down at the counter, his hands tightening into fists. “Bella doesn’t know what kind of man he really was. You have to tell her the truth.”
“She may not believe me,” I said. “But we shouldn’t worry too much. He’s not the type who wants to be found. If he’s even alive. He ran with some dangerous people.”
Worry clouded Peter’s expression. “But what if she actually does get in contact with him? What if he comes around, asking for money? Or wants to take Bella and me? He can’t legally take us, can he?”
I hesitated, unsure how to answer truthfully so that Peter wouldn’t worry. As much as I’d wanted to adopt them legally, Darren had disappeared. We’d not been able to find him, even after hiring private detectives. Thus, he never signed over his parental rights so that I could adopt them. Bella digging things up could bring it all back to the surface. Fear made my throat clench. What if he did have some kind of legal hold on them? Could he take them from me?
