Page 108 of Light Up The Night
She stops, staring at nothing.
"And then…the fighting came to our city. It washed over us like a tsunami. It surrounded the hospital. The wounded came not in vehicles but were merely carried in from the street. We ran out of beds. I treated patients on the floor. On counters. In closets. We ran out of bandages, painkillers, plasma, everything. Day after day…two days, three. I…there was no stopping. I do not really remember much of those days. Just fragments. Faces. Injuries. The floors were swamped with pools of blood the orderlies could not work fast enough to clean away. We slid and tripped like baby deer on an icy lake." My gut clenches at her description; I cannot fathom it. "The fighting came to the hospital itself. The whole building shook with explosions. Stray bullets ricocheted through windows and floors and walls. Everywhere you looked, it was…it was just…dead people. Dying people. People I could not save. I remember a little boy. He was so afraid, and I could do nothing but hold his hand as he died."
"Cadence, my god. My god."
"I was closest to Duwana. Here, we would have called her the charge nurse. She…she wanted me to leave before the whole city was overrun. I couldn't. How could I leave when so many needed help? But I…I think I had been awake and working for something like four days straight by then. I could not think. I couldn't…and Duwana and Fatima and my guards, they…they…they brought me to an exit and put me in a truck. I hardly knew what was happening to me. I…" she swallows hard, seems to realize she has the mug in her hands, and takes a sip. "I heard your voice. In my head. You told me that I'd done all I could, that it was time to come home, that dying in Sudan wasn't my mission." Her eyes go to mine in that rare gift—direct, prolonged eye contact. "I think in some ways, Riley, I came home for you."
My heart squeezes, the hot knot in my throat pulsing in time with my heartbeat. "Glad you did, sweetheart."
"Ileftthem, Riley," she whispers.
"You're not God, honey," I murmur, holding her wrists. "You can't save everyone."
"Duwana said the same."
"Sounds like a smart lady."
"I came to love her as a sister."
Silence.
She sips her tea and stares at nothing for a long time, and I just sit with her.
"I thought of you every day," she whispers. "I missed you so much it hurt."
"Been a fuckin' wreck without you," I admit. "Worried about you. Missin' you."
She hesitates. Her eyes flit to mine, drop, and flicker back to mine. "I dreamed of you, also." Her cheeks flame red. "I dreamed of…of what we shared."
I can't help grinning at her. "I did too."
She tenders a small, shy smile. "You did?"
“Of course.” I reach for her, and she lets me pull her out of her chair; I lift her onto my lap, legs perpendicular across mine. “C’mere.”
Her hands flutter in her lap like restless starlings, and her gaze searches my face, her chest rising and falling in the swift rhythm of nervousness.
I frame her face in my hands. "I did a lot more than just dream about you, Cadence. I missed you like fuckin' crazy and when I tried to fall asleep, some nights what we shared was all I could think about. You, givin' me the gift of your beautiful, perfect body. Lettin' me kiss you. Lettin’ me touch you. Lettin' me show you how things should be."
She bites her lip. "I have a confession I must make to you. But I am…afraid. Or, no, not afraid. Only nervous."
I think I have an idea what she's about to say. I tilt her face up to mine and kiss her, softly, sweetly. "Tell me, sweetheart."
"The longest period I spent away from the hospital was three days. There was a lull in the fighting. I do not know why, only that Duwana convinced me to go so I could try to rest. She assured me she would send word when I was needed. I…at first, I could not sleep. Whenever I tried, I saw…bad things. I showered, and that helped a bit. But still, all I could see when my eyes closed were bad things. So I…I thought of you. Of how you made me feel. I thought of you kissing me. Removing my clothing. Touching me. I thought of you…" her voice drops to a whisper I have to strain to make out, “naked. I thought of you, Riley." Her eyes flit to mine. "And I…I touched myself, the way you did. When you…when you gave me such wonderful, amazing, beautiful orgasms. I touched myself. I gave myself an orgasm while thinking of you, and I was able to sleep. And then…thereafter, it was the only way I could fall asleep. To think of you, and…and…do that."
I grin and then laugh out loud. Before she can say anything, I pull her closer, lips to her ear. "I'm glad, Cadence."
She pulls away to look at me in shock. "You are?"
"Yes. I'm glad that I could help you sleep when you needed to, even if I couldn't be there in person." I swallow, the grin fading. "I did the same thing, but I…"
She catches my hesitation. "What, Riley?"
"I couldn't. I couldn't come. I…I felt like I was using you. It just…I dunno. I couldn't."
She frowns. "But you are glad that I did?"
"Yeah." I shrug. "So?"
