Page 35 of Light Up The Night
She blinks, looks around, sees me. "Riley."
"Cadence."
She clears her throat delicately. "I am sorry."
I close my laptop and set it aside. "For?"
"Embarrassing you in front of Sheriff Mannix. Freezing on the street. Zoning out just now."
"You didn't embarrass me, Cadence."
"But my faux pas—"
"What's a fo-paw?" God, I feel dumb around her.
"An embarrassing or tactless act or remark in a social situation."
"Oh. What faux pas would that be?"
She frowns at me. "My misunderstanding of his request to keep you out of trouble and my subsequent tasteless exit." She shakes her head. "Sheriff Mannix responded with grace, as you and all of your friends have. But it is mortifying nonetheless."
"It was a misunderstanding, Cadence. Not a big deal."
She shakes her head. "I do not mean to be rude, but are you being intentionally obtuse?"
"Obtuse? Like a triangle?" I hold up my hands before she can reply. "Kidding. Idoknow that word. Look, I…" I let out a long, slow breath. "I will admit to a certain amount of curiosity. But you don't owe me any explanations."
"I feel that I do," she says. "You have been so patient and kind with me, and despite how many questions you must have, you have not pressed when you would be well within your rights to do so."
"No one has any right to demand answers from anyone, Cadence." I tip my head to the side. "I mean, sure, there are circumstances where answers can be expected. But we just met. I'm helping you because I want to. I'm choosing to. That doesn't put any kind of burden or obligation on you. None whatsoever."
Cadence is quiet for a moment and then turns on the couch to angle toward me. "I am autistic."
"Okay." I'm not sure what to make of that.
She seems to be waiting for more. "Okay? That is your only response?"
I shrug. "I mean, yeah. I don't know much about it, to be honest. I've heard people talk about the spectrum or whatever, but the god's honest truth is I'm ignorant as fuck about what it really means. I don't know what autism is, and I don't understand how it can be a spectrum."
She considers her response for several silent moments. "Many things in this world exist on a spectrum. Physical things,like light and color. Human conditions, such as autism or addiction."
"Addiction is a spectrum?"
"Well, certainly," she responds, as if it's obvious. “It is obviously not merely binary, correct? Consider these differing hypothetical scenarios, if you will. There is a man, let us call him Roger. Roger has a normal life. He is married, he has children, and he has a job. He loves his wife and children and is content enough at his job. He has no obvious, major stressors beyond those of normal human existence—bills, traffic, family problems, marital disagreements. Roger, when he returns home from work, immediately opens a beer. A second. A third. Perhaps he drinks beer through dinner, and while watching a television program with his wife. He does this every night. He cannot fathomnotdoing so. But yet, he is never violent. He does not yell at or harm his wife or children. He arrives at work on time and is productive. But yet, every night, he drinks his beer, hour after hour, and if you told him he could not, can you imagine his response?"
I absorb this. "He'd flip his wig."
"By which I assume you mean he would be greatly displeased."
"Right."
"Is Roger addicted?" she asks. "Is he an alcoholic simply because his addiction is not problematic in the stereotypical sense?" She doesn't wait for an answer. “Now consider an alternative scenario. A woman named…Rachel. Rachel is unhappy. Rachel hates her job. She hates her husband. She does not hate her children, perhaps, but they stress her out—everything in her life stresses her out. Rachel drinks wine until she cannot function. But not every night. Not every day. Some days she only has a glass or two. But sometimes, it spirals out of control and becomes problematic. Is she more or lessaddicted than Roger? Roger drinks every single day, and he drinks quite a lot. Rachel only drinks sometimes." She displays her hands, likesee? "Someone who goes to the bar every night but never gets drunk. Someone who binges, but only on Friday and Saturday nights. The person who drinks a whole bottle of vodka or whiskey every day. These are examples of the spectrum of alcohol addiction. They do not look the same on every person. Some have it more severely than others. That is a spectrum."
"Fuck, dude. I never thought about it like that."
She smiles. "This is something I have studied rather intensely. So now, autism."
"What is it? Like, pretend I don’t know jack shit. Not that you have to pretend."
