Page 59 of Red Queen
Lilah saunters away, and we walk over to the people waiting in line. “Will the whole night go like this?” Teo asks with annoyance in his tone.
“Like what? We just arrived, what’s your problem already?” I ask curiously, because I seriously don’t know what’s botheringhim. The restaurant is beautiful, and despite the crowd, we can enjoy ourselves while we wait for the star of the night to say her toast and feed us.
“Everything. I know this is Monaco, but this is next level. This is too much.” My eyes widen, a little taken aback by his answer.
“This is too much for you? How will the gala be in Vegas then?” He grumbles, clearly not liking my answer. “Stop being grumpy. You only have one week left of the summer break, so enjoy it.”
“I’m not grumpy, I’m just… I’m tired, Rosa. I’m tired of all this.” His voice fades, sensing that he’s honest, concern creeping into my voice.
“Tired of what, exactly?” I ask, holding his head in my hands while I’m rubbing his cheeks to soothe him.
He lifts his head and then looks into my eyes deeply, but I can’t quite figure out the feelings behind it. He’s not good at communicating his feelings, but I know he’s hiding something. And fake boyfriend or not, I’m not letting it eat him alive.
He lets out a big sigh, then rests his forehead to mine. He puts his hand over mine that’s on his cheek, his grip so strong it feels like he’s using me as an anchor. He was always a strong man, but this Mateo is different.
It’s not weakness he’s showing, but rather vulnerability. He’s not good at talking, so he shows me instead. The whole world fades around us, and everything turns quiet for a moment.
“Next!” I hear a voice call out, calling us back to reality.
We break away, then stand in front of the fancy wall, waiting for the photographer to snap some pictures. Teo puts his arms around me again, the pose reminding me of prom photos. It’s cute and definitely a core memory, one I’ll remember forever.
“Come on. Where’s the smile?” The photographer speaks up from behind the camera, and I look up at Mateo, seeing that his expression is full of sadness.
Was I really that awful that I hadn’t noticed before how bad he’s doing? My throat tightens, then I turn and cradle his face again, pulling him in for a kiss. We linger in the moment, finding another way to convey our feelings without saying a word.
“Brilliant! Next!” We break the kiss, and before people can get mad at us for taking up so much time at the wall, I grab his hand and pull him away.
I drag him with me, walking through the whole restaurant so we can go upstairs to Lilah’s office. I hope she doesn’t mind that we're gonna use it for a little while. We need a break.
I push the buttons on the lock, then the door swings open with a beep. She told me the code back when I came here to go over her plans in case of emergency, and now I’m really glad she hasn't changed it since then. This counts as an emergency.
“Okay. Talk. You’re weird. What happened?” I ask as Teo plops down on the couch. He seemed fine on the way here, so something must’ve happened on the boat before we set foot in Monaco.
“I told you. I’m just tired,” he says, but I know there’s more to it.
“I need you to be more specific.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Rosa, okay? I’m tired, and I just want to be left alone for a minute without having to care, without having to worry about anything.” I take a step back when he raises his voice; his answer is taking me by surprise.
“You don’t want to talk about it now? Fine. But you can’t shut me out, you hear me? Even if this is supposedly a fake relationship, I’m here for you. And those big, scary walls won’t last too long, Acosta.” I fold my arms in front of my chest, butwhen he doesn’t answer or even look my way, I decide to leave. “I’ll be down there if you need me.”
I pause for a little more, but he still doesn’t move, so I turn and leave the room. I know I said I won’t let him shut me out, but if I pressure him to talk to me, I’ll only make things worse. He needs to trust me to open up. And I’m not sure he will learn how to do that, given our history. He’s one stubborn man.
39
MATEO
Since that night in Monaco, things got even weirder between us. I don’t know what the hell got into me, but I felt like I was about to burst.
But I just couldn’t talk to her. I don’t want her to know me. I don’t want her to care about me. I want to go back to the time when we were constantly arguing, and I could kiss her without thinking about why my stomach turns fuzzy as soon as she even looks at me.
It was easier. I was grumpy, it made her grumpy, and we didn’t talk to each other the whole day. We put on a facade for the cameras, and that was it.
Now? Now I’m craving her. My body, my mind, my soul craves Rosa. She has infected my brain to the point where there’s no turning back. I’m starting to like her more and more, and it’s scaring me. I’ve never been so sure about a person before. She’s everything I want, and the thought that I have her right in front of me is freaking me out.
We’ve gone from a hookup to crushes to rivals to fake dating to whatever we are now, and it feels just as confusing as itsounds. She’s breaking down the walls I spent so much time building, and I fear it’s only because she pities me.
There’s not a chance in this world that a woman like her would really be into me, however much I’m trying to gaslight myself that our kisses are starting to feel more and more real.
