Page 100 of Thorns of Deceit
Aiden came to me and set me on his lap, wrapping his hands around me. “Then let me help you. Let me hold you while you fall apart, and then I’ll put you back together.”
I looked up at him through tears, my chest aching so badly I could barely breathe.
“I didn’t know,” I said, my voice shaking. “I left her with that monster when I should have saved her.”
Aiden might have forced me back into his arms and this criminal world, but as the day went on, I wasn’t quite sure why I had wanted to resist it.
He bathed me gently, then fed and sat with me, his arms holding me tight, keeping me from spiraling. His warmth seeped into my skin, but it couldn’t erase the chill from the recent ghosts that’d returned to the world of the living. Guilt gnawed at me: for my mother, for the damage I’d done to Aiden, and selfishly, even for myself.
Aiden didn’t speak, but I could feel his steady heartbeat against my back, grounding me and reminding me to breathe.
Was it selfish to depend on his strength and absorb it? Probably. But I wasn’t strong enough to handle it on my own. And now, I was pregnant, and dammit, I wanted—needed—his protection. I couldn’t do this alone, and I shouldn’t have to.
I didn’t think my husband was as cruel as my father. Scratch that, I knew he wasn’t. Since our first encounter five years ago, he had been a force to be reckoned with but never cruel. In fact, he was always considerate and tried to make things easier for me.
Lowering my head, I saw his strong fingers were splayed on my lower belly, almost as if he were protecting the baby already.
God, I was so confused.
Yes, there was attraction there, there always had been. But before I left, leaving the Callahans and the Lyons believing I was dead, I’d been in the midst of falling for him. I’d be a fool not to admit that.
My trembling, cold fingers found his warm ones, and I gently entwined them with his. He squeezed gently, his silent reminder that he was here for me.
God, did I waste five years of our lives while he was trying to be there for me all along? A heavy weight settled in my chest at that notion, because I knew it to be true. I failed both my mother and my husband.
“I made so many mistakes,” I whispered, guilt eating at me.
“We all make mistakes.” Aiden was too understanding and kind. I didn’t deserve it.
I let out a frustrated breath. “Not ones like this.”
“You’d be surprised.” His voice was low and thick with emotion. “Remember I told you I have a sister?” I nodded and he continued. “She married a man, gave birth, and then disappeared for years with the child. She’s my sister and I’ll always take her side, but her husband didn’t deserve to be robbed of his daughter’s first years.”
I twisted my head to study his expression, and found nothing but openness. “Did he forgive her?”
“Yes, he did.” I swallowed seeing the dark expression on Aiden’s face. “But I wouldn’t have, so I beg you, Raven, don’t do that to me. I’ll burn every inch of this earth to find you and my child, and then… I won’t kill you, but I won’t forgive you either.”
“I promise I won’t leave with your… our baby,” I vowed. “It’s all happening too fast and I’m still trying to come to grips with it all, but I can promise you that. I don’t want our baby to grow uplonely like I did, and while I understand my mom was forced to do it for both of us to survive, I recognize that I don’t have to take that route.”
As I spoke the words out loud, I knew they were true. Aiden was nothing like my father and would always protect his child.
“Good,” Aiden said, a flicker of relief in his eyes. “Then we build from here. I can’t promise I’ll be the perfect husband or father, but I swear to God, I’ll give it everything I’ve got.”
That was the vow that mattered. The one we should’ve made back when we stood in the cramped living room of my mom’s run-down apartment. We didn’t have love then, but maybe we had something more durable.
A pang pierced my heart, the youthful dreams of love shattering, but there was no sense in wallowing in regret. We would have to settle for passion and respect.
Dammit, then why did I want it all?
“You know what I wonder?” Aiden said pensively. “If the body I had to identify wasn’t yours, then whose was it?”
“I always assumed it was my mother,” I admitted. “The paper said a gas leak caused the explosion, but that couldn’t be. Mom hated cooking on gas and refused to have a gas tank anywhere on the premises.”
Aiden nodded as if I were confirming his suspicions. “I suspect Duncan set it up, and I regret to say this, but Uncle Jack probably led him straight to your mother’s. There was one error your father made, though.”
“What’s that?” I questioned. “And please, don’t call him my father. Just Duncan, or asshole, will do.”
“The asshole Duncan,” he started, and I flashed him a grateful smile, “didn’t count on you visiting your mother that day.”
