Page 50 of Crown of Thorns
My face was in a dossier long before it was on tea towels, but I can’t think of that anymore. It makes me too angry and I’m trying to not be angry anymore. I need to be smart and to do that, I have to be rational. I can’t be rational if I’m angry. So, I’m doing my best to not think about how upside down my life has become.
Also, Rhys has been sweet and attentive. He worked exclusively from my bedside and cancelled all appointments and meetings that did not have to do with our wedding at the end of the week. He holds me gently and reads to me from one of my books each night. This is a complete about-face from the stubborn man who punished me relentlessly, and sensually, for not trusting him or choosing this life that I was tricked into. It’s like a sexy bait and switch. Only the consequences are deadly and I’m having trouble remembering that while he’s been behaving so lovingly and treating me so gently.
We haven’t had a formal dinner since the incident at our garden party and tomorrow night my reprieve is up. So tonight I’m going to enjoy my last night of rest and recuperation before I have to get back at it and “crack on” as they say here. I’m going to have dinner in my suite with a fire in the fireplace and a good book to keep me company.
I’m deep in a highland romance where the lady of the house has just escaped by pretending to be a nun. Rhys read me that particular scene last night while I lay with my head in his lap, curled up on the couch ina lush blanket. He looked at me and said, “Do no’ even try it, hen” in that deep brogue of his and I couldn’t help but laugh even if I was thinking it’s not a bad idea. Although, I doubt I could get a nun’s habit delivered to the castle unnoticed.
This morning, I rolled out of bed to a hearty breakfast, brought to me by the maid whom I’ve come to a tentative truce with.
Rhys is determined to gently show us each our place in this household whether we like it or not. We can at least be civil to each other… as long as she keeps her hands off of my fiancé.
I know it’s ridiculous of me to be so upset by their past or to even feel territorial of him when I’m still not sure I should be living my life here with him. But if I have no choice and I’m to marry him and be intimate with him, I want him to only be with me. Is that too much to ask? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t have the life experience to be able to parse out if I’m acting out of turn. I think that’s one of the things that Rhys finds so appealing about me, the fact that I don’t know any better, and he can keep me perpetually off balance for his own personal gains.
Either way, it’s out of my hands so after breakfast, I shower and dress in a pair of light pink, wide legged knit lounge pants, a white tank top, and a loose knit, cream-colored sweater. It’s comfy and sophisticated at the same time. At home, I would have worn old pajamas but those have seemingly disappeared altogether.
I spend my day walking along the battlements that look over the cliffs and the sea, wondering if it’s all as impossible as it seems.
The guards ignore me and my maudlin musings that I keep to myself as I watch gulls swoop for fish, fighting the strong winds and currents as they look for food. I’m sure Rhys knows exactly where I am, but he leaves me alone. Maybe he knows that I need space and room to breathe. The suite was starting to feel a little cramped… or worse, too cozy and comfortable with the two of us there alone in the limited space.
Unfortunately, we both know that it was all an illusion. All too soon the world will come invading, and we’ll no longer have the sweet moments together where he’s so kind and gentle. Will he punish me again? And do I want him to? I don’t like being humiliated… but the other parts weren’t so terrible. I’m concerned that I like that too.
The sun has finally gone down, and the stormy skies grow too dark to stand out here without it being weird. I nod my thanks to each of the guards who’ve stood watch over me and make my way back inside. I might not want this life, but I won’t make their jobs more difficult for them, not while their brother’s blood is still on my hands for my selfish decisions.
The halls are quiet, and I feel like I’m trespassing. And isn’t that how it’s felt the entire time I’ve been in this country? Will I ever feel like I belong here? If I’m going to stay, I’m going to have to commit to this lifeand this role even knowing it will involve a fight for dominance between me and the dowager queen, who doesn’t wish to relinquish her power.
I’ve never been a fighter. My whole life, I’ve hidden in plain sight.
I pull open the main door to my suite and step into the dark sitting room. I don’t notice Rhys sitting motionless on the antique sofa, his presence looming like a dark cloud.
“Where the fuck have you been,” he growls.
I let out a startled scream, clutching my chest. “Oh my God,” I say. “I didn’t see you.”
“And I haven’t seen you all bloody day,” he says, clearly in a mood. “Where were you?”
“I figured you knew where I was,” I admit. “There were guards by me all day.”
“And still I’ve asked and you’ve no’ answered me,” he says. “So, it should be obvious that I did no’ know where you were all day.”
“I was up on the battlements,” I blurt out.
“And what exactly were you doing there?”
“Just thinking.”
“And what were you contemplating up there in the raging winds when you should have been resting?” he asks.
“Life? I don’t know, everything?” I reply. “I was just watching the birds.”
“That’s it?” Surprise laces his tone. “You watched the birds all day?”
“Yeah, pretty much.” I shrug. “Why?”
“Because, hen, you’ve had a lot going on lately, and I didn’t see you all day. Wondered where you were and if you were safe. Now I find out that you were up on the dangerous battlements over the sea cliffs and I’m wondering to myself if my fiancée spent all day looking out over the cliffs and contemplating whether it might just be easier to jump and end it all,” he finishes.
“Oh,” I reply with my eyes wide.
He’s surprised me.
