Page 75 of If You Go
June snaps a few pictures, hands steady even though the air feels thick with exhaustion. Then, one by one, they begin packing up their things—ink bottles twisting shut, the buzz of the machine falling silent for the last time. Their movements are careful, methodical. I focus on them because it’s easier than thinking about what comes next.
When everything is tucked away, June, Hazel, and I link arms and head toward the elevator. Brenden had asked for a moment alone with Gavin, now that he finally looked steady enough to stand on his own. But not until I made him swear—swear—he wouldn’t kill him without me there.
He wants his revenge. Not for his apartment. Not for the pain he received. He want’s it for me. The support system of a survivor. He wants that all for himself. So I let him.
We ride the elevator down together, quiet except for the soft hum of the machinery. When the doors open, the air feels colder. The faint smell of dust and oil from the old mattress store wraps around me as I step out to see them off.
My dad had already taken my mom and sister home earlier, but Samuel and Alisha waited behind for the rest of us. I think Sam’s afraid to let me out of his sight—or maybe he’s just not ready to see me walk into another fight.
“You doin’ okay, a leanbh?” Sam’s voice is low, careful. He’s always careful with me.
Alisha moves beside me, looping an arm around my shoulders, warm and grounding. She hadn’t wanted to go upstairs—didn’t need to see any of it.
“Yeah,” I answer after a moment, though it comes out softer than I mean it to. “Yeah, I’m as okay as I’ll ever be, I think. I just… I want this to be done, Sam. Once he’s gone, maybe I can finally stop looking over my shoulder. Maybe I can finally breathe.”
They both nod, quiet understanding passing between us. I love them for it—for not needing to fill the silence with false comfort. Just being here is enough.
And even as I look at them, something small and selfish flickers in me—a spark of normalcy. I can’t wait for the day they stop pretending there’s nothing between them. I want to laughwith Alisha about it, to tease them both like old times. But not tonight.
“I’m gonna head back up,” I tell them, forcing a small smile. “If I leave Gavin with Brenden much longer, he’ll be dead before I get my turn.”
That earns a laugh from both of them, shaky but real.
Sam steps forward, wrapping me up in his arms. “We’re headin’ back to your place. Waitin’ for you there, alright?”
I blink up at him, half-smiling. “You do remember it’s Alisha’s place too, right? You don’t need my permission to go home.”
He opens his mouth to argue, and I cut him off with a grin. “Yes,ourhome, Alisha, Hazel, Richie, and myself.Ours. Go. I’ll meet you there when it’s over. Good luck with Richie though. Tommy is there, so I have no idea what you’re walking in on when you get there.” Alisha and I giggle, and Sam rolls his eyes.
He presses something into my palm—Brenden’s keys. His hand lingers around mine. His eyes search my face, worry written all over him.
“We picked up his truck. It’s out front. But if you need me, Surry—if anything happens—I’ll be back in a heartbeat. Don’t hesitate.”
“I know,” I whisper. “But Brenden’s here. And I think…” My voice falters. “I think I might actually be okay.”
It comes out like a question, like I’m asking him to believe it for me.
Sam’s expression softens. “I think you will be too, a leanbh.”
He kisses my cheek, and Alisha pulls me into one last hug before they turn to go, June, Josh, and Hazel close behind them, each taking their own turn to hug me goodbye.
I watch them leave, hands tucked into my jacket, heart pounding quietly in my chest. Their taillights fade into the dark, and the street goes still again.
Then I turn toward the elevator, toward the storm waiting above.
Two men. One who broke me. One who pieced me back together.
And tonight–only one of them walks away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
THE ELEVATOR DINGSwhen I arrive at the upper level, and I step out to a magnificent view. Brenden is standing in front of Gavin, fists clenched, jaw clenched. He looks like a Greek god who just took out his vengeance on a millennia-long nemesis. And damn, does he look good doing it.
I begin to walk toward him, turned on by this version of him. I have seen him fight, I have seen him soft. But vengeful Brenden. There is just something about it. That feral light in his eyes is calling to the one inside of me.
Now that I’m closer, I can see there is blood spatter on his face, shirt, and pants. His knuckles are also split and bleeding. I look at Gavin and find him awake, seething, and bleeding from just about everywhere. The split in his lip is larger now than how Natasha left it, he has a split in his swollen cheekbone, and another above his eye. He is staring at Brenden with more hatred than I have ever seen in my entire life.
“Well. I see you two have gotten on without me.” I take the final steps to Brenden, running my arm behind him and hugging his waist, reaching up with my other hand to grab his collar and bring his face down for a kiss. The heat is instant and he devours me. I can taste Brenden, but I can also taste the copper of Gavin’s blood. The mixture turning me feral. I run my hands all along his chest, stomach, and back, not being able to get close enough to him.
