Page 2 of If You Go
I looked into Gavin’s eyes, blocking out everything else, and whispered, “I love you. You are the best thing to ever have happened to me.”
He had that twinkle again, the smile that always made me feel chosen. “There is no one I would rather spend the rest of my life with,” he said, and in that moment, I knew he was the one for me.
The celebration blurred after that–hugs from Selene, Alisha sneaking me a glass of champagne since she was already 21 and whispering that my ring looked like it belonged on a queen’s hand. My mother’s laugh carriedover the music, my father’s watchful gaze never left us. And then, like all perfect nights, it had to end. Bibbity boppity and all that.
Hand in hand, Gavin and I slipped out into the cool night air. The scent of saltwater clung to the breeze, carrying the faint sound of the waves from the beach. My heels clicked softly on the pavement as we crossed the lot to his sleek black car, the windows reflecting the glow of the venue lights. Gavin opened the door for me, ever the gentleman, and I slid into the leather seat, still buzzing with champagne and joy.
He started the engine, the low hum vibrating through me, and the radio crackled to life. A song drifted through the speakers–Devil in Disguise by Marino. I laughed, leaning back against the headrest.
“Of course this would play now,” I teased, giggling. “Like the universe is testing us. We need a happier song I think.”
Gavin just smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes like it did before, one hand steady on the wheel, the other reachingover to grab my thigh possessively. I can’t wait to be his forever.
14 years ago
This day could not be going any more perfect. My dress is exquisite, my hair is put together just how I imagined, and my makeup is absolutely flawless. The lace clung to my skin just right, the satin skirt swirled like a dream, and my lipstick hadn’t smudged even though I kept biting down on my nerves. I knew everything going on outside the Bridal suite was going to plan because my mother or maid of honor, Alisha, had not come to talk to me. If anything was amiss, they were obviously able to handle it.
I sit at a white vanity with a broad mirror framed in glowing bulbs, the kind of light that flatters every angle. My long, pale blond hair is swept into a low bun, woven withintricate braids that fold together like art. A few soft strands slip free to frame my face—messy, but in the deliberate, elegant way stylists seem to perfect.
My skin carries a warm glow from a spray tan, turning what is usually fair into a soft golden hue, like I’ve just returned from a week in the sun. My body is slim, delicate even, but healthy—toned in the subtle way that comes from movement and care, not vanity. My eyes are shaded in smoky blacks that make the emerald green shine, and my lashes sweep upward so high they nearly brush my brows. The gown draped over me is white with a hint of black lace peeking from the underskirt, traditional with just the right edge.
I don’t think I’ve ever looked so beautiful.
In about 10 minutes, everyone would be seated in the little chapel just down the beach from where we had gotten engaged, Gavin and the priest are up there waiting for me. My dad is here now, waiting with me in the bridal suite until it’s time to walk down the aisle, looking as impassiveas ever. His suit was pressed, his hands folded behind his back, but the air around him carried a heaviness I didn’t understand.
“Are ye sure dis is what ye want, me sweet Surry?” My dad asked, his voice low and steady.
Never once in the last year had he asked me if I was making the right decision. So this made me nervous. Was he having doubts?
“Papa, I am very excited to spend the rest of my life as Gavin’s wife. Mrs. Gavin Kelly. Doesn’t that sound so nice?” I was thrilled, and I think I overdid it to compensate for the nerves I was feeling at my dad ruining my perfectly smooth morning.
“Aye, me sweet Surry. Dat sounds beautiful, so it does. But ye remember dis—yer mam an’ I’ll always be here for ye, any time at all. Do ye understand me, girl?”
Okay, now I was definitely nervous. His eyes looked softer than usual, almost pleading, and that scared me more thanif he’d been angry. I don’t think in my twenty one years of life has he ever looked at me like this. I stop looking in the mirror and turn in my chair to face him.
“What is going on, Papa?”
“Dere’s somethin’ I should’ve told ye long ago. Somethin’ I kept back. But now, on dis day, ye must know it, for it’ll shape yer whole future.”
My inner monologue was going haywire. I cannot believe he is dropping a bomb on me, on my wedding day. Is he a spy? Is he into drugs? Is he leaving my mother? What is happening right now?
“Ah, me sweet Surry, I’m not in private security, no matter what yer mam an’ I’ve told ye all dese years. Ye know well our family runs straight back to Ireland. Yer grandparents brought us here when we were still nothin’ but young ones ourselves. For we were promised, betrothed from birth, so we were. All to keep de bloodline pure an’ see to it someone’d take up de family business—”
I interrupt, my voice sharper than intended. “Family business? What is the family business? I always thought you were in the security world.”
“I’m de one all de Irish men answer to here in de Western States, Surry girl. Mafia. Yer mam’s me right hand—me partner in life an’ in business both. Tha’ security firm, it was always jus’ a front—fer what we truly do behind the curtains.. An’ now, wit’ Samuel steppin’ away, wantin’ nothin’ to do wit’ it, ye’re de heiress to it all. Soon enough, once ye wed into de Kelly clan, ye’ll be tied to Gavin, an’ to de work he does for me. He runs one o’ de smaller crews under me name.”
I am spinning. Is it really hot in here? Why won’t someone open the window? The veil on my head felt too heavy, my bodice too tight. To some degree, I am not shocked. I knew whatever he did wasn’t normal; he, for one, didn’t keep any sort of regular hours. Two, I saw him come home with blood on his cuffs and other parts of him before. Yet to hear it out loud—it was not something I expected. Especially notthe head of the mafia! Not today. Why didn’t he tell me sooner? Why didn’t Gavin tell me?
I can’t stop myself from asking, “Why was I not told about this sooner?” My voice sounded much stronger than I felt inside, thankfully.
“’Cause, me sweet Surry, I was hopin’ dis day’d never come. I never wanted ye marryin’ inside de business, so I didn’t. Until ye met Gavin an’ started courtin’ him, then got yerself engaged, I’d been lookin’ at other ways o’ findin’ an heir. Other avenues, other hands dat could take it on. But now…”
“You should have told me before. What am I going to do now, with all this information?”
Was I spinning? Did I want to be a Mafia wife? THEE Mafia wife? I’ve only see it in movies, and…well I guess I haven’tonlyseen it in movies. My mother made it seem like it was a happy life; I never suspected anything like this from our sweet mother. My father seemed happy. So why couldn’t Gavin and I be happy in this life? I am sure he knows what to expect.
My father looks at me like he is about to say something, but I interrupt. “I am going to marry Gavin. He is the love of my life, and he can teach me. I just want to be with him. If that means I join the family business, I will be honored to make you and Mama proud. Thank you for telling me now, instead of afterwards. I suppose.” I grimace at that last part, and my dad smirks.
