Page 26 of Paint Me Love
He flushes and smiles shyly. “Uh, yes. I used you and your boyfriend as inspiration. I guess.”
Interesting. Flattering too, I suppose, though that’s not something I’m interested in currently. Or in general.
“Why do you draw?” I pose as I look back to the painting, my eyes and soul mesmerized.
He contemplates my question, rocking on his heels like he needs to figure out where exactly to start. “I feel at home drawing, I guess,” he mutters softly as if ashamed to confide that in me. “Putting paint on the canvas makes me happy, just like a walk on a sunny day does. I can show the nice things I see all around me to people and… I can change stuff. I can add colors, tweak the composition, shift the focus… show that there is always hope, something better waiting for us beyond the bad, even if we can’t so easily see it.”
I can see it. I can feel it through the visual stimulation his paintings cause upon my senses. Daniel is not like me. He’s the furthest thing from me. He doesn’t have an ounce of cynicism in him, there is no façade, no mask he’s hiding behind. It makes no sense. There has to be something he is hiding, some reason why his paintings speak to me, why they make me feel so naked and vulnerable and angry and sad and euphoric. Whatever the entire truth is… I want it. I want it all, or this burning need in me won’t ever be satiated.
I rip my eyes away from the me-lookalike and pin Daniel under my scrutiny. Fame, recognition, money, praise, which one is it? Or is it all of them? “Why do you draw, Daniel?” I repeat the question in search of the full truth, something in me awakening.
He frowns, confused, chews on the inside of his cheek. That copper color of his eyes gleams with some emotion. The flicker of it I catch is breathtaking.
“Because it makes me happy,” he repeats, his glare challenging me. “Because it reminds me there are still many happy things around us to make up for those that are no longer here. I want other people to see it, too.”
I want to ruin him. Or for him to ruin me. Maybe he’s already doing it, I think. Our worlds are incompatible, and one of them has to give, to lose this battle I’ve forced upon us, to fall apart. I don’t care which one it is. He’s nice, too nice, too pure for mine and I am too tainted for his, a virus, a charred, black patch of earth in a snowy field. It is why I should put an end to this thing now that I have my answers, now that I have what I came here to get. I should thank him for showing me his paintings and chatting with me, and playing along with my sexting, bid him a good night and leave for good.
I do none of that. I reach out for his shoulder, pull him in, and kiss him. He yelps in surprise, then melts in my arms. His lips are soft, unsure what to do as his breath catches. I lick along the seam and prod with my tongue, asking for entry. He opens on a moan and I don’t know if it’s to say something or to let me in, but I dive for his tongue, the vanilla more intense now as I taste it on him. He cries out in pleasure when I flick his tongue with mine, the sound reverberating down my throat as I swallow it, igniting desire I’ve not felt in ages.
I’m a livewire, I need to calm down. I need to get a hold of myself before I devour him whole. But I can’t, it’s an impossible task because while he’s a little clumsy, there is no hesitation in his response. His tongue explores my mouth with head-spinning urgency, his hands roam all over my back, then clutch the front of my shirt as if he needs to hold onto it so he doesn’t completely drown in me.
Fuck, I miscalculated. I dug my own grave. I bit more than I could chew. Daniel is both—the shy artist and the sassy brat I’ve been chatting with. He wears no mask, he doesn’t pretend,he doesn’t hide. He’s like a storm in the ocean, unpredictable, unapologetic.
I can’t get enough of him. I need more. I want him to strip me bare, to destroy the walls I’ve built, to peel the multitudes of layers meant to protect me so he can see the real me, the deepest parts that I hide even from myself.
Gritting teeth, I bury my hands in his hair and pull back, forcing some distance between our mouths. He purses his lips, fire burning in those gorgeous eyes.
“We shouldn’t,” I grumble, feeling each word like a knife stab to my heart. “I am rotten. Ugly. My soul is blacker than tar. I’m not a good man, Daniel, and I should have never let things get this far with someone like you…”
He’s both poison and the cure. One taste and I can never go back.
“Someone like me?” He blinks those big eyes, confusion written across his face.
“Pure, beautiful, untainted, true to himself. I have no right to drag you into my ugly world.”
He cups my jaw with his long, paint-smeared fingers. “I…” He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing invitingly. “We shouldn’t, you are right. But I want to. I can’t stop thinking about you. Even if you are way out of my league. Even if you have a man next to you.”
Liquid fire lights me. I come alive in a whole new way, heaving with want so vicious I don’t think I can control it.
“You don’t care I’m with somebody? That we are doing this behind Adam’s back?”
He averts his eyes. When they return, they are dark and irresistible, pulling me further and further into the abyss. “I do. And I hate myself for doing this, but I can’t stop it. Ever since that first time you made me send you a nude, I’ve been wanting to meet you so much. And then it turned out you are the man Ipainted a mural for.” He pulls on his bottom lip. “The way you looked at it, what I saw when you had all your walls down, I… I can’t get it out of my mind.”
What did he see? Would he tell me if I asked? Is it maybe similar to what I see when I look at him? A man I need to have, to crack, to understand, to claim?
I shove my hand down his pants. He groans, his eyes rolling back. “There’s no going back now, Daniel. You belong to me from this moment on, and I will show you just how fucked up and hopeless my world can be”
He grins through gritted teeth. “Try me.”
My cock throbs with need. “We’ll keep this a secret. No one can know. To everyone, Adam and I are the perfect couple, and it must stay that way.”
Something crosses his face, twisting my stomach even further. Adam isn’t part of the picture, but Daniel doesn’t know that yet. I should clear up the misunderstanding, I should tell him the truth, but I don’t want to. If he’s willing to be with a cheating man, there is a chance for this to work. For someone pure like him to be with someone rotten like me.
“Fuck you.”
“You want to, don’t you? To ride my fat cock and scream my name when I make you come.”
He whimpers, the sexy sound fueling my arousal. I want him desperate, raw. At my mercy. Even if it means lying, I must remain the one in control, the one in charge, I like it that way. I have to be one step ahead so I can mold things to my liking. It’s the only way, it’s how the predators rule the world because otherwise the world will eat them alive.
