Page 35 of Snowbound Regency Christmas
He was watching her, the dark eyes she admired so much trained on her face. He still hadn’t taken another glance at her scars; they might as well have not been there at all for all the notice he took of them, his tactful kindness raising a lump in her throat.
‘Thank you. It’s an extremely generous offer, but I’m afraid I cannot accept.’
She paused uncomfortably. What reason should she give for her refusal? She could hardly tell him the truth of why she didn’t dare return with him, and yet it would be the height of bad manners to reject his mother’s generosity without an explanation.
Inspiration struck.
‘I fear my appearance might unsettle the children,’ she said reluctantly, grimly satisfied that her excuse wasn’t a lie. ‘I wouldn’t be so rude as to wear a veil in your mother’s house and I worry your nieces would be frightened.’
Her hands were still grasped in her lap and she preferred to look at them rather than her guest, not wanting to see him realise that she was right.
‘They would not.’ Duncan’s voice cut through her rising shame. ‘I would explain to them,’ he stated simply. ‘The twins are too young to understand, but their older sister is a tender-hearted girl and would be happy to accept anyone I call a friend.’
Jane’s breath caught. ‘A friend?’
‘Yes. If you would allow me to think of you as such.’
His gaze was so direct it made her flush. It was hard to read his expression but she knew what hers must be, all the blood in her body suddenly rushing to her face.
He would still be my friend? Even after I sent him away without really telling him why?
Her throat dry, she managed a nod. ‘That would make me happier than I have been in a long while.’
‘Then friends are what we shall be.’ The set of his countenance changed a fraction. ‘Your happiness is still something I care about…even now.’
Jane stilled, unsure she had heard him correctly. He’d muttered the second sentence, making it difficult to catch over the crackle of the fire between them, and she thought she must have been mistaken when he briskly went on.
‘So. Are you resolved, then, to spend this Christmas alone?’
She hesitated, two responses teetering on her tongue.
Going with Duncan would be painful. She’d have the torment of being in his presence while knowing she had no right to expect anything but unforeseen friendship from him, unable to touch him where he had once placed her hands himself. He was out of bounds and she had to respect it, her previous rejection of his proposal and now her injuries ensuring his romantic feelings for her had long since died. There was nothing left for her to cling on to…and yet still she couldn’t turn her back.
I’ll be miserable anyway,she acknowledged bleakly.Nothing will make me forget Auntie’s loss, and if I’m to be sad whatever I do, perhaps I should throw caution to the wind.
Pretending to study her fingernails again, she snatched a glance at him through her downturned eyelashes. He was so handsome, everything about him just as appealing as it had been when they’d first met, and the full extent of how much she’d missed him hit her like a runaway carriage. No other man had ever meant so much to her and never would, and in spite of everything that urged her to be careful, she knew her decision had already been made.
‘No.’ It was a struggle to speak, her heart pounding so hard she was certain he must be able to hear it. ‘If your invitation still stands, I’d be pleased to accept.’
Caught up in the whirl of her feelings, she couldn’t tell Duncan’s reaction, although she was aware of a short pause before he replied.
‘Good. In truth, you’d be doing me a favour. It’s fallen to me to help entertain my nieces and I would very much appreciate some help.’
Slightly dazed by her own recklessness, Jane nodded. Assisting with the children would be a welcome task. It would make things less awkward if she was useful, there for a purpose rather than as a burden not of Duncan’s choosing. There was still the chance the girls would be apprehensive at the sight of her but she tried not to think about it, the desire to leave Maybury Place’s sad shadow—and, if she was entirely honest, to spend more time with Duncan—overcoming her fear.
‘I’ll go to gather a few things, then. As most of my belongings are in bags already, it shouldn’t take too long.’
She stood up. Immediately, Duncan rose likewise, his usual courtesy bringing him to his feet—which also happened to bring him abruptly within a few inches of Jane’s face.
She didn’t mean to make a noise. She meant to turn and leave the room, but somehow instead her breath fled at finding him so close, escaping in a sound worryingly like a gasp.
There was barely a hand’s span between them, something she thought she saw him realise at much the same moment she did. Three years ago, he would have bent down and kissed her if she’d stood gazing up at him like that, his arms sliding around her to draw her against the firm plane of his chest, and her insides shuddered now as she watched his pupils dilate. Doubtless it was the memory of that former passion that made his eyes darken rather than any current want, although her own wish that he would stoop down to claim her lips was every bit as strong as it had been long before.
Far too late for any veneer of dignity, she managed to find her tongue. ‘Excuse me,’ she mumbled. ‘I won’t keep you waiting.’
To her relief, Duncan stood aside. ‘Take all the time you need. There’s no cause to rush.’
With another mumble that she hoped he’d interpret as thanks, Jane stepped round him, heading for the door. It might well have been the case thathewas in no hurry, butshecertainly didn’t delay as she scurried from the room.
