Page 47 of Knotty, Nice, & Holiday Lights
We are not alike. And I feel weaker for it.
“Hey, sorry about that.” Iz rounds the base of the stairs with a smile on her face, those gray eyes zeroed in on me. “I got a late start this morning.”
I gulp down the rest of my water and stand. “That’s okay. I didn’t mind waiting.” I glance at the two Alphas. “Could be worse company.”
Will laughs and takes my glass before disappearing back into the kitchen.
“I’m glad you came by, Matthew. I wanted to talk to you when you got back.”
Asher rises to his feet. “Did you want to speak here or upstairs?”
Iz looks at me. “Would you be okay coming up to my room to talk?”
I’m nodding as I approach her, and despite the fact I’ve already been in her bedroom, I say, “Lead the way.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
“I’m sleeping with Will and Asher.”
There. Bandaid off.
“You don’t say…” Matthew’s response is amused, a slight twinkle in those green and hazel eyes of his, and I grimace.
“I guess you could tell?”
He smirks at me, nodding yes in response, his gaze hooded.
I plop down on my bed with a bounce and a gush of breath. “Sorry. I’d been trying to figure out how to tell you about my—our—situation for so long that I wound up thinking spitting the truth was best.”
Matthew eases himself onto the mattress beside me, his patchouli scent wrapping around me like a warm and familiar hug. His hand settles on my knee and squeezes. “I want you happy, Iz. Always.”
I turn my blurry gaze on him, an ache in my chest as I rasp, “I wantyou,Matthew. I know that you’re my Alpha, just like Asher and Will.” One blink, and a hot tear drops from my lower eyelid.
His body stills before shrinking, back curving on a sigh. “Iz. I will always love you. But I…”
As he trails off, I twist to face him, grab his bearded face in my hands, and pull him toward me, lips first. When our mouths touch, I take my hands back, gently kissing him once, twice, three times, then pulling away just far enough to ask, “Good or bad?”
He blinks rapidly, like coming out of a haze. “What?”
“Does that feel good or bad?”
“Good,” he breathes before tilting his head and recapturing my lips, one warm hand on my cheek. “So good.”
I let him lead as he strokes his tongue into my mouth and I moan into his, fighting hard to keep my hands to myself while every move he makes drives me insane with need. But Matthew has to be the one in charge. If he has limits for any reason, he needs to find them.
I don’t know if he’s been with anyone since our breakup, but I don’t get the impression he has. He seems to have fallen into a dangerous solitude, and all I want is to help him out of it. Help him to find happiness.
With or without me.
He nudges my nose with his, nips my lower lip. “I love you so much it hurts,” he rasps. “I’m scared shitless, Iz.”
I gently place my palm on his wrist at my face, not restraining him. “What are you scared of?”
Our foreheads touch as he closes his eyes, whispering, “Everything. I’m scared of not being enough. Of failing you. Of being too weak to be a part of this pack.”
“Matthew. You’ll always be more than enough. The fact you’re this worried about all of that shows you’d do whatever you couldto make sure that you’re here with us, doing your best.” I kiss the tip of his nose, let my hand drop gently to his knee. “If there’s one thing I’ve noticed in the time I’ve been here in Crescent Lake, and from talking to Violet, it’s that packs support one another. We’ll find our way.”
He leans back a bit, looks me in my eyes. “You’d take that chance? Even though I failed you before?”
