Page 40 of Parker
The red cut-offs finish just below my knee, paired with a simple white T-shirt and blazer. Ballet pumps ensure I won’t break an ankle undertaking my tasks. I’ve pinned my hair back off my face, but let it fall loose down my back. Pale pink lipstick and natural make-up complete the look. Sophisticated but ready to work.
Joel and I pull up at the large gates of Parker Fashion. He presses the buzzer, and the gates swing open. Pulling into the parking lot, we stop in the space markedFinance Director. I sit silently, trying to control my nerves.
The first day in a new place of work is hard enough for anyone, never mind an ex-convict in her new husband’s business. I wonder how much they all know.
The door opens, startling me from my thoughts. “Come on, baby. It’s only first-day nerves. Everything will be fine.” He holds his hand out, and I take it gratefully. We walk into the fashion house together, as a team.
***
I fall into the passenger seat of the car at the conclusion a fraught but amazing day. After the initial awkwardness, Ebony, Joel’s PR person, was incredible to work with. She was warm and welcoming, never making me feel like an imposter. I had balked at the sight of her, slightly older than me, in her mid-thirties,with smooth skin, dark hair to her ass, and sea-blue eyes. But she had smiled kindly and shown me around.
When Joel said I would be a dog’s body, he wasn’t kidding. My feet are killing me from fetching cups of tea, and my arms ache from carrying rolls of material. But feeling useful and needed again makes me euphoric.
In prison, a group of us were studying French. I had the most confidence and understanding of the language. We would host regular sessions to practice our conversational French outside class, which I would chair. Being back in the real world with no purpose had been hard, but now I’d found one.
The drive home is quiet. Both of us are lost in our thoughts. Joel takes my hand, laying it on his thigh.
“Did you see your mother today?” I ask.
“No, she’s not in the business this week.”
“Why?” He evades the question by lifting my fingers to his lips. “Joel?” I prompt.
“She wanted to give you time to find your feet. She knew her presence would make you nervous.” He glances over and gives me a soft smile. “I’ve asked her to try to stop being a bitch. To give us a chance.” He chuckles. “She said she wouldn’t promise but could try. Once she gets to know you, she will love you as I do.”
“I’m not so sure,” I mumble. He ignores my comment.
“Anyway, in celebration of your first day. I’ve organized a surprise for you,” he says.
“I’m a big fan of surprises.” I squeal and clap my hands together. He smiles at me, full of warmth.
“Wait till you see what I have at home for you.”
Darkness has fallen when we arrive at Joel’s house. Our house, I correct myself. The words feel borrowed, as if I’m playing a role in someone else’s life. It’s going to take me years to accept thatthis is my future. This is where I live, in safety and security, with my husband. I’m not convinced I’ll ever get used to it.
The lights have all begun automatically switching on, which is comforting.
Joel wouldn’t tell me any more about my surprise, no matter how much I begged, annoyed, or offered him sexual favors. He drove with his eyes fixed on the road and a smug smile across his face.
“You’ll see when we get home,” he said. By the end of the thirty-minute drive, I was bouncing in my seat with excitement.
He turns to me and then places the softest kiss on my lips. “Nicky, I only want to make you happy. You’ve become my world. My queen.” My breath catches.
Queens don’t come from prison. Queens don’t murder their fathers. Uncertainty flickers over his features. He takes a breath. Pausing for a moment before speaking again.
“I know this is a lot, the change in your life these past months. I never want you to doubt your place here with me. My greatest wish is that you feel safe.”
“I do feel safe.” I force a smile, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. He believes I’m worthy; that’s enough.
“Well, I’m never going to stop trying to make you feel safer.”
We walk to the front door, and everything looks like it did this morning. I scan my surroundings, looking for a box with a red bow.
Once in the house, Joel leads me to the stairs, and we ascend them together, my hand firmly locked with his. But he doesn’t take me to our bedroom as I expect. He heads for the spare room at the end of the hall. It’s not a room I’ve been in often, as it is prepared for guests, and we haven’t had any.
His words when we arrived swirl in my mind. Whatever he is about to show me is about me. About me feeling at home with him. I’m not sure if what’s behind the door could make me lovehim any more than I already do. He never makes me doubt his ability to see me, in both my strength and my weakness.
Blocking the door with his body, he faces me, and his eyes sparkle with excitement. He’s eager to give me whatever my surprise is.
