Page 93 of Brew
I feel him inside me. Heck, I feel him everywhere. But the intensity changed. I know it. I know what he wants, but I wanted him to admit it, and now that he has, I feel relieved, because I want that too.
“So do it,” I tell him. “I want that with you. I want to give you the family you always wanted.”
I feel him at my neck, his mouth pressing kisses below my ear. “I should not have said that.”
“Did you not hear me? I said I want that too.”
He pulls out, spinning me around. With my back against the cold glass, I cling to him. “You… you want more kids?”
“With you? Yes.”
He swipes a hand over his face. The confusion in his eyes is evident, but I love him all the more for it. For being raw with me, for the honesty.
“This is crazy,” he mutters. “I can’t put that on you.”
“Put it on me, heck, put itinme.” I cup his face. “I want to give you something that’s yours, Brew. Something we made together. I want your baby.”
He frowns, I don’t know what the face is for.
“What’s wrong?” I breathe.
He hesitates. “What if I’m not a good dad?”
“Not possible.”
“I’m not a good person.”
“You can change some of your, uh, less than desirable habits, but you’re not a bad person. Look at me.” His eyes shift and I stare into his icy depths. “You’d make a wonderful father, and if that’s what you want, I want to give that to you.”
“We’re fuckin’ crazy. I haven’t even taken you out on a date, and I’m tellin’ you I wanna put a baby inside you.”
“I think we’re both old enough to know what we want, don’t you?”
He swallows, then I push off the glass, moving toward him as he steps back. And he keeps stepping back as if he’s afraid of little old me. Now it’s my turn to press him against the tiles. “You’re not just givin’ me what I want to please me, right?” he asks.
“Would it matter if I was?”
“Yes.”
He strokes his knuckles across my cheekbone, and I ask, “Why?”
“Because I never want that. I want you to have all the things you want, and that may not include a child?—”
I press a finger to his lips. “I’ve always wanted more children, I just kinda thought I was done with Olive because it didn’t happen.” I take a breath, trying not to bringhiminto this conversation. “And then I realized that it wasn’t meant to happen again, not with him. So you see, everything works out. If we have a baby, then it’s meant to be.”
The look on his face has me in a chokehold. In his eyes, I do see my future children. Children I didn’t know existed until this very moment.
“You don’t think it’s kinda sudden?”
I laugh, mainly because I can’t help it, but also because he’s serious. “Yes, it is a little sudden, but it doesn’t mean we have to try right at this moment. Babies don’t usually happen after one or even two times.
“I thought practice made perfect?”
I brush my hand through his hair. “What am I gonna do with you?”
“Let me fuck you, hopefully.”
I move in to kiss him, but he takes the lead, meeting me halfway. Suddenly, we’re all hands again, and he lifts me. Circling my legs around his waist, I wrap my arms around his neck, and he turns, pressing me up against the tiles.
