Page 79 of Brew
The man has completely lost his mind, of course. First marriage, now I love you? I’ve never said those words to a man, not even when I was married. It’s just not something we did. I’ve said I love you to Olive more times than I can remember, but with a partner it’s different. Itshouldbe something you absolutely feel and say, I maintain what I said about that, but I realize now that I haven’t actually lived that myself. It’s clear I didn’t know a lot about love at the time I got married, but it’s what was expected. That was what I thought love was. Sadness washes over me knowing it wasn’t even anything close. The only good thing that came out of my marriage was Olive, and for that I’ll always be grateful.
I realize I didn’t answer the question when Brew asked when he could see me again, but I guess the ball is in my court and I’m more confused than ever.
Did he really mean those things?
He’s completely absurd in saying we should get married, but what he said after that has me in a tailspin. I can’t figure him out. He’s a conundrum all on his own.
I never would have guessed that Brew would be the one saying stuff like, ‘Let’s get married because it makes you uncomfortable to have sex out of wedlock’. I mean, I need to get a grip here.
When I’m done finishing up, I don’t see Brew for the rest of the afternoon. I drive home with Olive talking the whole way about how much Brew helped her.
“I told Brew I was okay with him asking you out,” she says out of nowhere.
I almost crash the car. “What?” I reply, stricken.
“Mom, I hate to break this to you, but you’re not fooling anyone. I know there’s something going on, and you get all googly eyed whenever he’s in the room.”
I glance at her momentarily. “Googly eyed? I do not get googly eyed!”
“Okaaay. If you believe that, fine, but I’m just saying, the energy changes whenever you’re together.”
I didn’t want Olive to find out like this, not when I’m still trying to figure out what we are. “He’s my boss, nothing is goi?—”
“Mom, it’s totally fine. I like Brew.”
“Y-you do?”
“Yeah, he’s cool.”
“Is that because he taught you some ASL?”
“That’s not theonlyreason,” she says. “But I think he’s just a little misunderstood. He told me about his girlfriend, the one who was… well, you know, and before you say anything, I wasthe one who asked him about how he knew ASL and what happened to her.”
“Olive, you shouldn’t go around asking people questions like that, it can be very triggering,” I tell her. “Brew is a very guarded man, and we always want to be respectful.”
“He wouldn’t have told me if he felt uncomfortable, and I told him I was sorry for what happened.”
Olive isn’t a little girl anymore, she’s old enough to understand how the world works, and that there’s good and bad in the world, but her knowing about this and how close we all came to being trafficked ourselves just rings a little too close to home.
“Alright, but just remember that we’re not to pry, as much as you might want Brew to teach you ASL, he hasn’t signed in years?—”
“He said he didn’t mind.” She shrugs. “And I think in a way he enjoyed it. Brew isn’t the kind of guy to just do things at random, Mom.”
I can’t fault her there. It’s also apparent to me how much she observes about people, even if I am still reeling about the fact she thinks I’m googly eyed.
“I get that, but it’s still inconsiderate to bring up the dead.”
“I didn’t bring up the dead,hedid. Anyway, you’re missing the bigger part in all of this.”
I puff air out of my cheeks. “And what is that exactly?”
“I can practice my ASL anytime with Brew, meaning I’ll be signing like a pro in no time.”
I pull up into the lot, giving her a side eye. “You really like this boy, huh?”
“Mom, he’s a friend.”
“I’m glad to hear that because I’m not exactly ready to discuss dating with my teenager.”
