Page 22 of Saint
Woah! I did not expect that. I find myself nodding, accepting his offer. “Yes, I’d like that.”
He nods. “I’ll have to get a visitor pass for you, and whether you are only having a look around, you need to wear something appropriate. Leave that with me, and I’ll sort that for you.”
“Um, okay, that sounds good. Can we talk about Saint now? I’ll have to get back in there soon.” My lunch break is nearly over, but I don’t have a client for half an hour.
“I think you need to talk about how you feel, that he’s sending out mixed messages, and if he doesn’t want to try with you, then he has to keep his hands and lips to himself.”
I’ve already done that, haven’t I? I think back over the last kiss. No, I didn’t. I told him to stop taking his bad mood out on me. “Yeah, I’ll try that.” I put my hand on the door handle. “Can we keep all of this between us. Especially the going to your club thing.”
“Of course. Don’t forget we’ll be moving furniture into your place this evening.”
“I’m not going to forget that. I’m excited. I’ve never had a space that is totally mine.” Just the thought of it has the butterflies in my stomach soaring.
When I walk back into the studio, Saint looks up at me. I try to fix a smile on my face, but I can tell he sees right throughit. Before I can ask him if we can talk, he beats me to it, wanting to talk after we close.
“Okay,” I agree with a nod and set up my station for my next client. The silence is suffocating, and it’s four hours until we close. I can’t leave it the way it is until then. I take in a deep breath and open my mouth. “Saint, have you had second thoughts about me working here? I’d rather you tell me than have this awkward silence going on. I don’t know what it is that has you so wound up, but if it’s me, I’d like to know.” I haul a huge breath into my lungs after saying all of that in a rush all on one exhale, then continue. “Am I not up to your standards, not good enough for you and your studio’s reputation? Because I’ve just signed a lease on a flat, and I need to get another job as soon as I can.”
Saint is shaking his head, and for the first time today, he’s not scowling. “It’s nothing to do with your work. Hell, Noah, you’re going to end up better than me. I’m sorry for my mood, but please let me talk it through with you after closing. You may decide you want to leave.”
God, I want to shake him. He’s so bloody frustrating, why doesn’t he just get it off his chest? “You know you’re making it worse by hanging on to it. The elephant in the room is getting bigger every second. Is it part of a game? The let’s-make-poor-little-Noah-feel-like-shit game.”
He throws his arms up but doesn’t raise his voice. “For fuck’s sake, Noah, I said later.”
I know pushing him any further will end up with me being out on my arse.
It’s like I can feel his annoyance and animosity every time I look over at him. He doesn’t look my way once, making me realise I have seriously fucked up. He could choose to leave once I’ve explained. I don’t even know why I let it affect me. I should’ve told him how I felt, how wrong it was to go to the club. That I did it to get him out of my head.
Finally, I lock the door and turn back to Noah. He’s leaning back against his counter, his arms are crossed over his chest, and he’s got the best fuck-you face I’ve ever seen. “Okay, times up. Time to talk.”
I pull myself up to my full height and copy him and cross my arms. “I’m still your boss.” I tell him in my full Dom voice.
“We both know this is nothing to do with work, you told me that. So, unless you want to go somewhere else to talk, you need to step out of that role.”
“You’re right, but I still deserve some respect.”
He throws his hands up, looking exasperated. “So do I. I deserve the truth, so if all you’re going to do is pontificate, I’m leaving. I’ve got things to do.” He pushes off the counter and strides to the office at the back of the building.
Fuck! He’s driving me insane.
“Noah, stop!” I call out and follow him. He looks at me as he shrugs on his jacket. “I’m sorry. Okay, here goes. I’m in a bad mood because I did something stupid, and I’m furious with myself. I like you, really like you. From the moment you stepped in the door, I’ve wanted you. It’s the innocence in you, the way you carry yourself, the way you look at me that makes me want you.”
I step closer to him, not close enough to touch him. I’ll end up kissing him again if I do that, and I’m sure he’d call that a hard limit. He’s told me no, to stop. “I’ve explained who I am and what I like to do to my sexual partners. And I know that’s something I can’t do with you. And I hate that, so I went to my club and took it out on someone else. Because I know you deserve more than I can offer. You deserve a man who will love you.”
“What you did to Tate. Yeah, I know about that. I don’t care, Saint. What you do is up to you. What I can’t get my head around is why you think you can’t have that with me. I want you to do that with me, and you still say no. And just when I get my head around that, when I’ve accepted that you won’t touch me, you go and kiss me. And then I want you all over again.” He sighs and drags his hand down his face, then looks at me, confusion in his eyes.
“I think if I said yes to you, that I could start to train you to be what I want, and you’d get it. You’d learn to be perfect for me. And then you’d want more, want me to love you. To love you the same way you love me. And I can’t. I can’t do that. Love isn’t an option for me, as much as I want it to be. Because I can see how easy you are to love, how much you crave it. And then you’d leave me. Probably for someone like Knox or Royal. Doms that give you what I’ve taught you and more because they can love you.”
Noah stares at me for a very long time, my words in his mind as he works out how to respond. I’m hoping he understands, and he’ll walk away now. That we can then go back to the way we were when he first got here.
He nods, and the tension in my shoulders relax. I should know by now that he hasn’t finished with me. “And what happens if we don’t, and I join a club to find a Dom who’ll offer me a contract that allows him to teach me to be submissive. Yeah, I’ve read up on this, Saint. The boundaries are set before we start, we both agree to separate at the end. Will you want to play with me then? Or another scenario is I meet someone looking for both, a submissive and a partner. Will you be happy when someone else loves me?”
He steps closer. “Because, Saint, I think you’re full of shit. I think you already have feelings for me. You wouldn’t have done what you did to Tate if you didn’t. You’re already falling in love with me, and that’s what you can’t deal with. You’re scared. And so am I. The difference is I’m not afraid to try it.”
He steps past me, and with a sad smile, he puts a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” As if he knows my eyes are on him, he reaches the door and turns. “I’ll still be here when you’re ready to risk it.”
After the door closes behind him, my back hits the wall behind me. I can’t believe he called me out, and even worse, he got it right. I know I want to rip off the head of anyone who touches him, and the thought of another Dom teaching him makes me feel sick. No one else can do the job properly.
Fuck this, I need to get out of here. I grab my keys and coat and go out to my truck. Royal will be home from school by now. I’m about a mile down the road when my phone rings. My dad. What does he want? If it’s helping Noah move, I’m so notin the mood for that. But knowing he won’t stop calling if I don’t answer, I press the button on my steering wheel and answer.
