Page 21 of Saint
How? How am I supposed to explain what I did with Tate or, more realistically, to Tate. That I can’t get him out of my head. After the last fucked up week, I doubt he ever wants anything to do with me. But I want to be in his life. He’s gone to sign on a flat that I didn’t know about. He must be so excited, but he’s been keeping it to himself. He doesn’t want me to know.
After going out to grab a sandwich from the deli down the road, the hour drags on. How long does it take to sign a damn form? And hey, I’m grumpy again. The remaining time is spent scrolling through social media without connecting with anyone. Then I’m looking at Tate’s Instagram page. There are a few new photos—mainly him with very little clothing, barely managing to hide his junk. Including him in the clothes he wore the last time I saw him. That must have been taken when he’d got home, I can still see the remnants of my cum crusted on his chin and forehead. He must have wiped it clean but missed these splatters. When I click on it, I read what he wrote.
Totally wrecked after a punishment that felt more like a prize.
This makes me totally ashamed of what I did. He’s proud of what happened, he’s added hashtags that only back up my thoughts.
The door buzzes open, and Noah walks back in. He gives me a smile, but it’s not one that reaches his eyes. No, they look full of caution, and it’s my fault, I’ve turned this place into a hostile environment for him. That’s not good, and I wouldn’t blame him for leaving.
“Did you get everything sorted?” I drop my phone on my desk and walk over to him. He nods as he hangs up his jacket, nothing else.
I realise this is my chance to talk to him, to explain and apologise. If I can get him to stay after work, I can use this afternoon to work out what I want to say. “Um, Noah?” I wait until he turns to me. “Can we have a chat after work. There’s a couple of things I want to say, to explain to you.”
“Okay.”
That’s it. That’s all he says.
“I don’t know how to thank you, Robin. You’ve been so kind to me from the very beginning and now this.” I wave the envelope with my contract at him. “I’ve never had so much kindness shown to me. I promise to pay every penny back to you.”
“There’s no rush, and we do this for our boys. Before you protest, you’ve felt like you belong in our family from the moment you walked in. We love you as much as we do Royal, Knox, Drake, and Saint. Even if he is being a total dick.”
I huff and shake my head. “Saint has every right to do whatever he wants; with anyone he wants. His private life is none of my business.” The words are like sawdust in my mouth. What he did to Tate shouldn’t have felt like a punch to the chest, but it did. It’s like I’ve already claimed him, and he’s cheated on me. And the reality is miles away from that. He’s a single, hot as fuck man who likes to do seriously dirty stuff. Things I can’t stop thinking about. I’ve even thought of going to his club; I’m sure Tate and Roman would love to show me around. That idea appeals to me—or maybe Knox would be better. I don’t know Royal enough to ask him.
“A penny for them.” Robin interrupts my thoughts. A small smile plays on his lips as he flicks his eyes from the road to me.
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I asked if you were going to share your news with your boss. He hates being out of the loop.”
“I didn’t know we were in a loop. I don’t think he’s interested in anything I do; he keeps it all about work. I don’t know what I did to him, but he’s not the man he was when we first met.” We’re getting close to the studio now, and I’d like to hear Robin’s opinion of Saint’s behaviour. “Is it my fault?”
Robin glances at me quickly before looking at the road ahead again. I can’t miss the frown lines that crease his forehead. “What? What do you think is your fault?”
I sigh, knowing I now have to tell him about the kisses we shared and the doubt I have about being what he wants. And how I can change that. “It’s like he’s angry when I’m around him, that I annoy him. Is it because he’s a Dom, and I don’t behave like a sub? Because I’ve told him I want what he does, but he doesn’t believe me. So why has he kissed me twice now? I mean seriously kissed, up against the wall kind of kiss.”
Robin parks behind Saint’s humungous truck and switches the engine off before looking at me again. “I’m going to ask you a couple of questions before I give you my answer. Are you okay with that?”
I swallow the lump that’s built in my throat. “Yeah, go for it.”
“I’ll ask the easy one first. Have you ever been to a sex club, a BDSM club?”
I feel the heat in my cheeks as it turns them the obviously embarrassed red. “No, I’ve watched a lot of porn about it.”
“Okay, it’s best if you ignore about ninety per cent of that. But it is good fun to watch. Are you more interested in the Dom and what he does or the sub’s reaction to it? The strong language the Dom uses, do you find it a turn on or degrading?”
“Um, kind of hot. I like it. I like the sub’s reaction to it, it’s like they need it.”
Robin nods. It’s not like he’s approving my answer, he understands it. “Have you tried anything with previous partners? Slapped, spanked, flogged, degraded in front of others? These are all things that will happen to you if you want to be with Saint. He’s a hard Dom, but he takes care of his subs.”
I watch his face change as I hesitate to answer, because he knows what I’m about to say, so much so that he speaks before I can. “Oh, Noah, sweetie. I think you’re in way over your head here. Saint will not do anything with a virgin.”
“I have to go and get fucked before he’s even a little interested? You know how messed up that is?”
“I don’t think you should do that, Noah. Sex, vanilla or kinky, should be with someone you like and trust.”
This has gone so off the track, I don’t know how to get it back to normal. All I wanted to do was find out how to stop Saint from being so distant and grumpy. “Robin, I don’t think this has anything to do with me finding out why he’s in such a bad mood and what I need to do to get him out of this.”
“Sorry, Noah, it has everything to do with you. Not directly. You haven’t done anything wrong. His problem is he wants you. He wants to do all the things he likes, but he knows you’re not like him. You don’t exude kink; you do screamsubmissive though. I think you’re more like Royal’s kind of sub, a sweet and gentle little that loves to be adored and spoilt.” He goes quiet for a long minute; there’s something he is pondering, then he seems to come to a decision. “Would you like to come to my club? It’s not the same one as Saint’s, so there’s no chance of you bumping into him. It will give you a glimpse of our lifestyle.”
