Page 42 of Typa
“A blunt will only calm me down, and once the high wears off, I’ll be right back where I was. I’m tired of feeling like this. How can a person you take care of, love, shower with affection and gifts, just go their way without a care?”
My dad glanced at me. “You did. I mean, I know there was a deeper reason, but you did that to us. We cared for you, bought you what you needed and whatever you wanted. Busted your ass when you needed it and loved you enough to teach you how to function in life. You felt you didn’t get enough of our time, and I can own up to my shortcomings. You left and went and did everything that was opposite of the shit we taught you. But look where you are now. Right back where the love is. We love you, dude. We just hated the shit you were involved in. Give her time. She’ll come back to where she knows the love is.”
I took a deep breath, thinking about what he said. He was right. My feelings didn’t warrant all the shit I engaged in. I could have pulled away from them and still did great things. They hated what I was doing, but whenever I needed them, they were always here for me, even when it was fucking bullshit.
“Maui is a smart woman. She loves you, but she loved her family first. All they can see is the bullshit. They don’t see the amazing man you are inside. You’re changing, and I love thatshit. She prompted the change, but I think you want it whether y’all are together or not. That lets me know it’s real. Whatever you need, you can get that shit from us. I need you to read the Bible story about the prodigal son. It relates to you so much. Worry about Mythic. Focus on your betterment. Everything else will fall in line. I promise.”
I nodded. “Thanks, Dad. I needed that talk more than I thought I did. I hadn’t been wanting to talk and maybe that’s why I couldn’t get rid of the depression, heaviness, and anger. You were right about everything you said. Thank you for making me see myself. Maui will eventually be back. I have to believe that.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“You still cool with going to the gun range later? Vanessa is bringing Caleb by in an hour or so.”
“Hell yeah. Let’s stall these niggas so you can go take a shower. I’m proud of you, Mythic. I know you’ll be an amazing dad to Caleb and would have been a great dad to Indigo.”
I took a deep breath as I spun Blackie around. Visions of me holding my daughter played through my mind constantly and haunted my dreams. From what I could tell, she was going to look like me. She was so tiny, not even a pound. I held her for at least thirty minutes, crying over the life she didn’t get to live. If it was tearing me up, I knew it was fucking Maui up too.
I wanted to be there for her to help her through those emotions, but I knew I wasn’t wanted, especially after the gravesite service. That shit hurt just as much as losing my baby. She said she wanted me, but clearly, she didn’t want me bad enough or she would have me. When we got back to the barn, we stalled the horses up, and Dad patted my back.
“I thought I was about to go make sure Epic was doing what he was supposed to be doing, but my grandson coming over. That nigga gon’ have to wait.”
I chuckled. Seeing them happy to welcome my son, their first grandbaby, was a blessing. Having Vanessa as a baby mama was also a huge ass blessing. We fucked, and she was cool with what it was. However, when she got pregnant, I gave her a hard ass time for no fucking reason. Deep down, I knew Caleb was most likely my son. I didn’t know how I was so comfortable with being a trifling ass individual.
When she walked into Maui’s room, I wasn’t the least bit nervous. She didn’t want me, and she made that clear when I tried to kiss her earlier this week. She promised me that what she wanted from me hadn’t changed. She got a baby out of it, and she was cool with that. She didn’t change her mind simply because she had my baby. I had to be cool with that, although my previous thoughts of getting back with her to get over Maui were still playing through my mind.
When we walked through the door, Mama was in the kitchen cooking spaghetti. She smiled at us, then went straight to my dad and hugged him. She kissed his lips, and he grabbed her ass. I slowly shook my head. I couldn’t hate on it though. It was the exact thing I wanted with Maui. It was the same shit I had with her for two months. I craved it. Maybe I had too much time on my hands. I needed to find some shit to do. I had plenty of money put up from my hustling days, but I heard that idle hands were the devil’s workshop. That nigga was on me hard too.
“I’m making spaghetti for my baby. I let him taste the noodle last time, and he ’bout lost his mind.”
“Mama, he’s eight months.”
“And? You were eating some table food at the same age. I know what I’m doing. Thank you very much.”
I shook my head and slightly rolled my eyes as she and my dad kissed again, getting a little more involved. That was my cue to get the fuck out of here.
SEVENTEEN
MAUI
“Thank you. It tastes really good.”
I looked over at Shaydon as I ate the boudin mac and cheese he’d gotten me from someone he knew in Beaumont. It was so good. My tastebuds were enjoying it. Barbecue sauce was drizzled all over it, along with another sauce. I wasn’t sure what that sauce was. What was crazy was that I wasn’t a fan of having cheese on my boudin, but I liked this.
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re feeling better. You look amazing.”
“Thank you.”
I was moving around and doing the things I wanted to do easily. It had been three weeks since I’d had the baby. My heart was still in disarray, but physically, I was fine. I thought about my baby all the time. Bali had taken pictures of the baby for me, since I’d blacked out. I often looked at the one she captured of Mythic holding her with tears streaming down his cheeks. She was so tiny, practically fitting in the palm of his hand. I was almost eighteen weeks, so she had all her limbs, nose, and ears. I cried over those pictures for at least a week or two.
I hadn’t looked at them since, because I wanted to move on. Not being with Mythic was also taking a toll on me. He didn’t realize how difficult the decision was for me. He thought it should have been easy. I loved him so much. That went without saying. Being without my family was hard. I was miserable, although I was with him. At home I was miserable without him. It was a catch twenty-two, I guess.
Shaydon had been coming to see me twice a week. I was grateful for that, because I needed companionship. I thought Mythic would have helped me through losing the baby, but I also knew he was waiting for me to call him. I felt like I shouldn’t have had to tell him I needed him at a time like this. My mind was always racing, thinking about whether I would go to him or leave well enough alone. I’d done without him for three weeks . . . three long ass weeks.
As I finished off my food, my daddy walked into the kitchen where we were. “Shaydon, what’chu tryna do, nigga? Every time I look up, your ass here, like H-Tine is up the street,” he said, copying the way Shaydon said H-Town.
I slowly shook my head and chuckled. “I’m just checking on my friend. Ashanni and Milana are busy during the day. I know being alone is hard when you’re emotional.”
“Friend my ass. I got my eyes on you,” he said, pointing his finger at him with his eyebrows lifted.
