Page 33 of Merrily Mine
“I don’t know about that…” I mumbled the words, trying to hide my blush.
“I do.” He nodded to himself. “I see it, even now. With the way you’ve worked so hard these last few years, tryin’ to prove to all the naysayers that you can be successful doin’ what you love. Making a name for yourself, not because of your parents but because ofyou.”
My eyes filled with tears. Mason reached up, brushing them away.
“I wish you could see yourself the way I do,” Mason murmured against my skin.
“You barely even know me,” I told him. “We’re hardly any more than strangers.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. I know you, Emily.” He pressed his lips to my neck, and I resisted letting out a small moan.
“I wastenwhen you left for college,” I reminded him.
He scoffed. “I saw you after that. Don’t act like I was never around after graduating high school.”
“Can you blame me? You left, and then you came back with a girlfriend. Broke my little heart, even though I knew you’d never be mine. Not really. Still, I’d always thought that somehow, once I grew up, you’d seeme.”
“I see you now, Emily Sullivan,” he whispered against my neck. “I see all of you, and damn, baby. I never want to look away. I hate I didn’t notice you sooner,” he murmured.
“Why would you have?” I shook my head. I’d been so much younger, and then… he’d been married.
“You know what I mean, Em. Two years ago, I…” He swallowed, looking down and not meeting my eyes. “The marriage wasn’t great. And in my heart, I’d already moved on. But God, seein’ you at Hunter’s weddingundidme. You in that pale green dress, the way you were practically glowing with happiness as you danced on the beach?Fuck.”The rasp of his voice against my ear made me shudder. Mason pressed his lips to my shoulder. “So beautiful. Better than any Montana snowstorm, baby.” There was something about those words from his lips, about the reverent way he looked down at me, that made the sincerity in his words so apparent. “I was an idiot. I wasted so much time. If I’d have known… fuck.”
Sometimes, it felt like this was inevitable. That this week was the universe putting up every sign, screaming,Here he is, the man of your dreams.But it had been so long since I’d really trusted someone else enough to feel safe. To feel vulnerable. It had been so long since I’d trustedmyself.Like I was worried that if I opened up my heart, if I gave it away, it would be broken. And one more crack felt like enough to break me.
But maybe with Mason, I could feel safe enough to fall. Maybe I could drown in him, could keep falling endlessly into those pools of baby blue, and never worry about resurfacing. Somehow, I knew he’d keep me afloat.
“Mason…” I murmured, aware of the fact that I’d just been staring at him for several minutes. What was there to say? It was so soon. It was too soon. But also, it feltright. Being here, wrapped up in his arms, snuggled in my bed to keep warm with the power out, felt right.
And that honestly scared the hell out of me.
“I know, Em,” he said, brushing his lips over my skin. “I know.”
“Will you tell me about her?” I whispered. “Your ex? What happened between you two?”
He shut his eyes. “I don’t want to dwell on the past. Not when I’m here with you.”
I smiled, cupping his cheek. “I just want to understand, cowboy.”
Letting out a sigh, he pulled me in tight, then sat up, leaning against my headboard and keeping me in his lap. Like he couldn’t deny me anything.
“My ex-wife…” Mason started, his thumb brushing against the nape of my neck over and over, in a motion that was distracting me more than I cared to admit. “She wasn’t a bad person, you know? I don’t resent her for her decisions.”
I didn’t know, not really. Still, I nodded, because what else could I say?
“It was great for a long time. We met freshman year, and we hit it off right away. Then we started datin’, and by the time we graduated, well… the next logical step was getting engaged. We’d already lived together for a year by then, anyway. So I bought a ring.” He swallowed roughly. Somehow, I understood he needed to get this off his chest. That he needed to say this. So I stayed silent. “Don’t get me wrong. I always wanted to get married.” He chuckled. “I loved the idea of being a husband. And maybe I loved it more than I loved her.” He winced. “Things didn’t get bad for a while. We’d always talked loosely about havin’ kids, ever since we were young, and I thought that’s what we were workin’ towards. But she always insisted it wasn’t the right time. She had to work too much. Or she’d just gotten a promotion. Or we needed a bigger house. But over time, I realized those were all excuses.”
“Mason…” My heart broke for him.
“And maybe we were never right for each other, not really. Maybe we just wanted different things. We’d just spent so long together that I’d gotten used to it. Still, I tried my hardest to make it work. Our daily rituals became distant memories until I was spendin’ most of my time alone and wonderin’ how I’d gotten there. Nothing was what I’d hoped for. I’d left the ranch behind ‘cause she wanted to live in the city. I was wearing a suit every day, and nothing I was doing felt likeme.And then, my wife didn’t even want to spend time with me. Suddenly I didn’t know who I was anymore. But that wasn’t even the deal-breaker. I…” His voice was unsteady when he spoke again. I spun in his lap, placing my hand over his heart. Like I could sense that he needed the support. “I wanted a family.” Mason shook his head, his eyes haunted. Like he washurting. “I kept asking, pushing for it. My ex-wife… she’d always known that. I’d never hidden that I wanted kids. Things weren’t good, but I thought maybe we could still work through it. We’d been fightin’ so much, but…” He choked up. “The night of Hunter’s wedding was the end for me. One of Gabbi’s bridesmaids had a six-month-old.”
I nodded, a smile touching my face. “Abigail.” One of her best friends—Charlotte—and her husband had a baby a year ago. She’d been adorable, wearing a fluffy little yellow dress, sitting on Daniel’s lap during the ceremony.
“Adorable kid,” Mason said. “I brought it up to her, then, seeing how happy the three of them looked. A sweet little family. Told her that maybe it was time, and we should have one of our own. We weren’t getting any younger, after all. We’d been married for a decade. But suddenly, I didn’t recognize her at all. She said she didn’t want a family, Em.” He looked down at his lap, sliding his hands down till they rested on my hips. “That she didn’t want kids at all. She’d changed her mind. I wasdevastated. The woman I’d married was gone, and in her place was a stranger.”
“She never told you before?” My question was hardly more than a whisper.
“No. But maybe…” he sucked in a breath. “Maybe I just wasn’t enough.” His eyes were glassy, and fuck, my heart broke for him.
