Page 25 of I Married Kayog
Kayog
Ifelt her approach long before she landed. A wave of gratitude swelled within me, even as I drowned in sorrow. The subtle knock on the door before she entered wrested a reluctant smile from me. She’d always been overly respectful, even though she knew I was fully aware of her presence. I didn’t have to bid her come in for her to open the door.
Without a word, Isobel walked to the center of the living area where I was sitting on my haunches in my failed attempt at meditating. She stopped a couple of steps in front of me. I just drew her closer as I propped myself up on my knees, wrapped my arms around her waist, and pressed my cheek against her stomach.
Still silent, she caressed my head as tears trickled down my face. She didn’t need me to speak to understand after years of trying to help me find a peace that never came. I couldn’t say how long we remained like this before I finally released her. I sat back down on my haunches and wiped my tears. Throughthe years, I’d often gone through hard times, but I couldn’t remember ever feeling this defeated.
Isobel knelt in front of me and wiped out the lingering moisture from my face with two fingers.
“Are you feeling a little better?” she asked at last.
Crushed by despair, I shook my head. “I’m tired, Isobel. So very tired... I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
“DO NOT speak that way or even think such things,” she said sternly. “You have fought too long and too hard to give up now when you have so much to live for. You’re stronger than this.”
“I’m bruising way too fast now,” I said. “At this rate, I will soon have to completely isolate myself to even be remotely able to function.”
Isobel pursed her lips as she reflected on my words then nodded slowly. “So it seems.”
“I think it’s her causing it,” I replied, my throat painfully constricted.
“Your peaceful dove?” Isobel asked in a gentle voice.
I nodded. “Yes. Her name is Linsea. Her song is so incredibly beautiful. I want to wrap myself in it, and lose myself in her, shut out anything other than her. But being near Linsea is like opening the floodgates. I feel and hear too much. It’s like I’m being bombarded from every angle, and my brain is scraped raw all the time.”
Isobel frowned as I took a shuddering breath. Even now, the pounding in my head remained relentless, and a sharp pain continued stabbing at my brain, especially behind my eyes.
“Have you tested your levels?” she asked, studying my face.
My shoulders slouched. “Yes. And they’re off the charts. Nothing I do improves my situation. It’s been steadily getting worse over the past two years, but now it’s completely out of control.”
She reached for my right hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Despite her efforts to keep her emotions positive, the helplessness and despair within her shone through and echoed my own.
“She thinks I’m a savage beast and a junkie,” I said bitterly, the disgust and disappointment my actions had awakened in Linsea still cutting me to the core.
“You’re not!” Isobel exclaimed, offended on my behalf.
“Really?” I asked with a hint of challenge.
She recoiled and gave me a shocked look. “Kayog, how can you say such a thing? You know perfectly well that you’re not a junkie. This is not an addictive drug, and you only take it in extreme cases as needed. I can see why she might have misinterpreted what she saw. The main question is whether you told her.”
“That I’m crazy?” I asked, dejectedly. “Yeah, I did.”
“You’re not crazy,” Isobel replied sternly, the disapproval in her voice striking me hard.
She had been the only one to have always seen me as a person, not a broken freak, not an abomination to be wiped out. In the six years since I had met her, Isobel had turned every stone and used any resources she could to try and help me. She was more than a friend. To me, she was the sister I never had, and at times almost a mother figure—despite us being the same age.
“Why can’t I be normal?” I asked in a broken voice. “Why can’t I be with her?”
“Youcanbe, Kayog,” Isobel said forcefully. “But youmusttalk to her. Once you explain your condition—”
“I can’t be fixed, Isobel!” I snapped. “We’ve tried everything!”
She waved a dismissive hand. “Millions of people across the galaxy live with their disabilities. There’s no reason for it to beany different for you. In the meantime, we continue to look for a solution for you. But talk to her, Kayog.”
I slowly shook my head, my gaze going out of focus as I replayed the scene in my head.
“You didn’t see how she looked at me or how she felt after I dropped that human down the tree. In that instant, Linsea was afraid of me. She thought I looked like a monster,” I said, a stabbing pain slashing at my heart.
