Page 35 of I Married Kayog
Although my female was making a good point, my gut screamed that this was a bad idea. Yes, the house significantly diminished the noise in my head, but it didn’t squash it. What if I hurt her?
And what if I don’t, but her perception of my emotions turns her off?
No one had ever felt my emotions… at least not since I had been old enough to figure out how to erect my protective walls. The prospect of having someone else read me was beyond terrifying. I felt vulnerable, exposed, and utterly self-conscious. At the same time, denying Linsea what I greedily plundered from her would not only be disrespectful, but could also be construed as a lack of trust. The point of this whole conversation was to lay out the truth, not keep further secrets from her.
“Very well,” I said with much reluctance, trying to ignore the loud voice at the back of my head screaming for me not to comply. “But I will only give you a small glimpse at first to see how you handle it. And if all is fine, I’ll further lower my walls. Okay?”
I braced for her to argue. To my utter relief, she smiled and nodded. The gratitude emanating from her made me feel like an idiot. Although Linsea initially made that request out of pure curiosity, it had shifted into something deeper. In that instant, I realized that she wouldn’t have pushed further had I declined. But she wanted—maybe even needed—for me to put my walls down, open myself to her willingly, and trust her.
“Alright,” I said, my worry still audible in my voice. “Here goes.”
Heart pounding, I slightly lowered my protective wall.
“Aaah!” Linsea shouted almost immediately.
She slapped both hands to the side of her head, her eyes closed tightly, her face constricted with a painful expression, while she pressed her temples.
“Linsea!” I exclaimed, slamming my psychic walls shut as I rushed to her side. “Are you okay? I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”
She blinked and took a couple of deep breaths before looking back at me. I cupped her cheeks, studying her face to assess the extent of her distress. My mate placed her palms on my chest. For a split second, I feared she would push me away, but she leaned on me for support instead.
“I’m… I’m okay,” she said, her voice a little shaky. “What in the world was that?! Is this what you feel?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry. I should have known better…”
“Don’t apologize, silly male,” she said in a slightly chastising tone. “I insisted you did. But… I thought you said your house dampened the effects of your abilities?”
“It does. This is the bearable level,” I said carefully, still examining her to make sure she was unharmed.
Her eyes widened. “That’s what you call bearable?! You mean it’s normally worse?”
I nodded grimly. “Yes. It’s normally three to four times worse when I’m outside.”
She gaped at me. A flurry of emotions flitted over her features, from shock and disbelief, to pity, sorrow, and a grim determination laced with anger. It was as if she’d found a new enemy she fully intended to take down.
“How can you tolerate it? This is sheer agony! How did you manage not to go insane?” she asked, flabbergasted.
“By living in the bunker,” I said with a hint of self-derision, settling back in my chair now that I was reassured she wasn’t harmed. “Actually, it was an accidental discovery. Evelyn—my foster mother—was at the end of her rope. I had been screaming nonstop from the pain of the constant psychic assault fromeveryone that I could perceive over a much-too-wide radius outside the house. She’d been crying from exhaustion from what I’d been putting her through and desperately needed a break. So she put me there for an hour just so that she could gather herself.”
“Poor female,” my mate said with sympathy. “I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like, especially if they didn’t fully understand what was happening with you.”
I nodded. “It was especially hard for her because she also had to keep an eye on me as I was quite strong and constantly trying to maim myself to end the pain. She came back into the bunker, apologizing profusely for abandoning me there. So you can imagine her shock when she found me quiet, and I smiled before hugging her. At first, she thought it was my way of trying to mollify her to make sure I would never be ‘punished’ like that again. Instead I told her that I loved it there.”
“What?! You were the one who asked to live there for the long haul?!” Linsea exclaimed, stunned.
I chuckled. “Yes, I most certainly did. Evelyn argued with me quite a bit to make sure it truly was what I wanted. But I had never been this quiet for so long, not screaming and writhing in pain. So clearly, something in that bunker was agreeing with me. So she consented. Along with her husband, William, they improved the place to provide me with all the comfort I needed.”
My female leaned against the backrest of her seat, a mix of disbelief and comprehension flitting over her gorgeous face.
“Wow, I’d totally misconstrued the entire ordeal. No wonder they didn’t file abuse charges against them,” she mused aloud.
“Correct,” I said with a smile.
Her brow creased. “But then, why did you get a hefty settlement?”
“Because the state failed me. My foster parents pleaded many times for help, but were ignored, given the run around,or redirected left and right because nobody knew what to do or simply couldn’t be bothered,” I explained with a shrug. “In the end, it served me well as the settlement has allowed me to buy this home and to pretty much live anywhere I want without going insane.”
She slowly nodded, her blue eyes flicking from side to side as she reflected over the whole situation. However, the main thought that dominated for me was the fact that not once had she seemed turned off, disgusted, or repulsed by me or anything I had revealed. It shamed me that I ever doubted that my soulmate would be able to accept me with my flaws, severe though they were.
