Page 5 of Becoming Effrijim
Hey, babe. How’s life over there in Ariton-land? Everything copacetic? I might not be able to make it to dinner next Friday—something’s happened here and I’m not sure I can meet you. Unless you can pop into the mortal world?
CAMIO
Fires of Abaddon! I knew it! I just knew that something would happen, and Lord Amaymon would destroy you, and now look where we are—smack-dab in trouble. Wait, you’re OK? You must be all right if you can text me. What happened? Why are you in the mortal world?
ME
I didn’t do anything. It wasn’t my fault in the least. I told everyone what Barry was doing, but other than Amaymon getting his knickers in a twist because I let a leviathan into his oratory, no one listened to me. No one ever does! I tell you, it’s almost enough to give a demon a complex.
CAMIO
For the love of the eight princes, what did you do? No, don’t tell me you weren’t involved, because I know you had to be. You always are. What happened, Jim?
ME
Barry ... uh ... he got into Amaymon’s personal chambers.
CAMIO
That’s annoying, but surely not enough to merit more than a mild punishment? And certainly not enough to scare me with your text. I had to step out of a presentation Lord Ariton was giving on a software company he wants us to run.
ME
As it happens, Barry was in a bit of a mood when he somehow ended up in Amaymon’s bedroom rather than the one that Bael will be using tomorrow when he visits for the yearly inspection.
CAMIO
What sort of mood? Was he angry? Did he destroy Lord Amaymon’s possessions?
ME
He was ... you know ... that way.
CAMIO
What? Jim, I don’t have time for this. I can see Lord Ariton marching around the conference table, and he only does that when he’s agitated. What is the problem?
ME
He was horny, OK? You know I don’t like saying that word. Barry spent the last day watching a bunch of bad porn online, and then when he went to the wrong room—I swear I escorted him to the guest chambers—and Amaymon arrived later all hopped-up on his evil plans, well ... yeah. Not gonna spell it out.
CAMIO
!!!
CAMIO
I’m calling you. Stay right where you are.
I made a face at where my phone lay on the floor of a dark storeroom (it was infinitely easier to use a pencil, or at worst a toenail, to type when the phone was braced against an object), answering it when it rang a few seconds later.
“I can’t believe what you’ve done, Jim! This is serious! No, don’t try to tell me you did nothing wrong.”
“I didn’t,” I said, then sucked a tooth obnoxiously loud. “OK, I ended up doing something that has Amaymon in a mood, but it’s not my fault. I listened to what one of the other demons told me to do, and that was a leviathan-sized mistake.”
“Just like all the other things you’ve done over the centuries are mistakes ...” She sounded choked for a second, but I couldn’t tell if it was laughter or frustration. “I’m not bound to Amaymon’s legions, and yet I know your supervisor almost better than my own.”
“Yeah, but he’s got the hots for you, so he’s always willing to look the other way when something goes wonky for me,” I pointed out.
