Page 64 of Pregnant in Plaid
The dress is pretty. The dress is elegant. The dress also makes me look like a very festive Christmas tree.
I pull back the curtain and step out.
Tessa's eyes go wide. "Oh."
"Say it."
"Say what?"
"That I look like I should be in someone's living room with tinsel wrapped around me and a star planted on my head."
She presses her lips together, clearly fighting a smile. "You don't look like a Christmas tree."
"Tessa."
"Okay, maybe a little bit. But a very pretty Christmas tree!"
The saleswoman appears, hands clasped together. "Oh, that color is lovely on you!"
"It's very green," I say flatly.
"Green is in this season!"
"So is red, but I'm not going to dress like a fire truck."
Tessa loses it, laughing so hard she has to sit down on one of the fancy white chairs.
I retreat back to the dressing room and try on the next dress. This one is black with a sweetheart neckline and a skirt that's supposed to be flowy but instead clings to my stomach in a way that makes me look like I'm smuggling a basketball.
"No," I say, stepping out.
"Agreed," Tessa says immediately. "Next."
The third dress I try on is champagne-colored with lace sleeves and a high neck. It's actually kind of pretty, but when I try to zip it up, it won't close.
"Need help?" the saleswoman calls.
"No, I've got it," I lie, yanking on the zipper.
The fabric strains. The zipper makes an ominous sound.
"Patrice, don't force it," Tessa warns.
Too late. The zipper gives up entirely and slides back down with a defeated wheeze.
I give up and try the next dress, which is dark purple and actually manages to zip. I step out of the dressing room with cautious optimism.
Tessa tilts her head. "It's..."
"It's what?"
"Very purple."
"I'm noticing a theme with your feedback."
"I'm just saying, you're going to stand out."
"I'm seven months pregnant at a wedding. I'm going to stand out no matter what I wear."
