Page 50 of Pregnant in Plaid
"I'm always quiet at parties."
"Not this quiet." She leans on the railing next to me. "Talk to me."
"I miss my parents," I blurt out.
She doesn't say anything, just waits.
"They would've loved this. The baby, I mean. They always wanted grandkids." I wipe my eyes. "My mom would've been so excited. She'd probably be planning the nursery and knitting blankets and driving me crazy."
"She would've been amazing."
"Yeah." I stare at the stars. "I wish they could meet it. The baby."
"They will. Somehow." Tessa puts her arm around me. "You'll tell stories. Show pictures. The baby will know them through you."
"How am I supposed to be a mom without my mom?" My voice cracks. "I don't know how to do this."
"Nobody does. That's the secret—we're all just winging it."
"That's terrifying."
"Yeah." She's quiet for a moment. "You remember when my mom got sick?"
"Of course."
"I kept thinking about all the things I'd never get to ask her if she died. All the mom advice I'd miss out on.”
"Exactly."
"But you know what I realized?" She looks at me. "She’s given me everything I need before she goes. Not instructions or a manual, but the important stuff. How to be strong. How to love hard. How to choose the right people."
"Your mom is amazing."
"So was yours. And they both raised us to figure things out." She squeezes my shoulder. "Your mom taught you everything you need. You just don't see it yet."
"What if I forget her? What if the baby never really knows who she was?"
"You won't forget. And the baby will know her through you." Tessa smiles. "You'll tell stories. Share pictures. Pass down her terrible jokes."
"They were pretty bad."
"The worst." We both laugh. "But that's what keeps people alive, you know? The stories. The little pieces we carry forward."
I wipe my eyes. "When did you get so wise?"
"I've been in Alaska too long. The cold freezes your brain into thinking deep thoughts."
"Is that what happened?"
"Either that or Gage is rubbing off on me."
"Gross."
She laughs. "You know what I mean."
We stand there, watching snow fall in the darkness. Tessa's getting married in a week. I'm having a baby in six.
How did we get here?
