Page 77 of Imperfections Forbidden
“Why didn’t Mason say anything?”
“Would you?Mason was two years behind us in high school.He was on the football team with us before Nick quit, he knew Nick meant every word he said.”
I should be upset, but I’m not.It’s nice to know I wasn’t alone in the way I felt about him.It’s nice to know he felt the same way about me—even though he was acting like a maniac.
“He was pissy the entire night after that.He was so upset he got into an argument with his date, pulled over, and told her to get the hell out of his car.My date was friends with her, and she got upset withmeand left with her!”
I look down and smirk.
“I know he loves you, Cat.The issue at hand isn’t if he loves you; it’s can your love survive all of this.Is it more important than your family?”
I don’t say anything.I don’t know.Doesn’t matter now, does it?“Have you talked to him?”
“Yeah, we talked.”
“Good.I don’t want this drama to affect your friendship.”
“How can it not?”
“It shouldn’t.You’ve been friends far too long—”
“But it does!It doesn’t only affect me, it affects this whole family.He went about this whole fucked-up situation wrong.I mean, I don’t even know if there could be a right way.It’s all wrong.Kate’s all messed up and rightfully so, she lost more than any of us.She lost a life.She lost her baby.You’re estranged from the family.Jay…Jay is Jay.”
“He hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“That’s news to me.Last I heard, Nick is my pimp and I’m his whore bringing this family down.”
“Cat, stop, he doesn’t think that.”
“You didn’t hear the message he left me.”I was at work, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears in front of a room full of five-and six-year-olds.“That’s what he said; those were his words.”
Chris makes a face.I can see his jaw tighten.“I’m sorry he said that to you.You don’t need to hear shit like that.”
“Don’t apologize for him.He meant every word.”
“He’s just hurt—”
“So am I,” I say defensively.
“He wasn’t expecting you to do anything like that.”
“Neither was I; to be caught in a love triangle with my sister.”
“Jay doesn’t understand why or how you could do something like that.None of them do.”
“I love him.I’m not using that as an excuse.It doesn’t make what we did right.I don’t know.I don’t have an answer for you.Something kept pulling me back to him.I couldn’t stop;wecouldn’t stop.He’s the first thing I see in the morning before I open my eyes, at night before I fall asleep.It hurts.Everyone is hurting.I’m hurting too.This is my pain.Sometimes I feel like this pain will never go away, this ache, this wanting, this need only he can fill.It hurts.”
He puts his hand on my shoulder.“I don’t want to see you hurt or in pain.It won’t always feel like this.Eventually our family will come around.You’ll find someone else.”
“Timing is everything.It’s true.If I had only come back six months earlier, things would have been different.Nick and I would have been free to be together.Kate wouldn’t have gotten pregnant.She wouldn’t have miscarried.Mom and Dad wouldn’t have lost their first grandson, and Nick wouldn’t have lost his first child.”
“You can’t think in what ifs, you can’t change what’s already happened.You just have to move forward and repair the damage.It’s not going to be easy but you have to try.“
Looking down at my hands I sniff.“Give me some time.I’ll try.”
“How about tomorrow?I think tomorrow is a good time to try.Get it over with like a bandage.Rip it right off without hesitation.A quick stab of pain and that’s it, the faster the better.”
