But they don’t even know what’s going on here, what Joe and his minions are doing.
I don’t want them to, either. The thought of their eyes seeing any of this, their inevitable questions, the pity, has bile rising in my throat.
My promise to Shade in the pagoda is still irrelevant. I’m handling this. Or at least I will be. I silence the tiny voice that reminds me of how much I hate it when they keep things from me.
This is different…right?
But they’ll be worried that I haven’t been in contact. My phone hasn’t come back from charging, so I can only assume it’s gone too. Nasty Nurse hasn’t returned my laptop either.
I sit in the closet as long as I think I can get away with it, emerging from the dark to find it much later than I thought.
No one’s come looking for me, thankfully.
I slip out of my room and down the stairs. It’s after seven, so there should be some hot food somewhere. I go into the kitchen and find a pot on the stove. It looks like chili, and there’s some ricein another pan, so I get myself a bowl and grab some food.
‘What are you doing?’
I turn to find one of the maids who helped Nasty Nurse go through my room. She has her hands on her hips.
‘You’re not allowed in here,’ she says.
‘I live here,’ I reply.
She makes a low, derisive sound. ‘You’re not just supposed to help yourself.’
I sigh, not really having the energy for yet another confrontation. ‘I’m hungry. I’m eating. I’ve barely had anything to eat in days.’
The girl rolls her eyes at me. ‘Whatever. I’m gonna go tell the nurse that you’re down here stuffing your face.’
I shrug, but inside my body clenches. What if I’m really not allowed? Will she correct me again? Will she make me have a cold shower and video me again if I lose control of my bladder?
I push the fears down ruthlessly. I can’t let them take control of me, or my actions, or I might as well marry Joe right now.
I leave the kitchen slowly, going into the library, and eating the rest of my dinner.
No one bothers me and I sit there until the clock reads 8:50. Then, I start to feel antsy.
Lights out is at nine.
I have to be in my room by nine.
I don’t want to do it, but I can’t help it. I don’t want another correction. As I stand, Samantha comes into the room. She starts as she sees me.
‘I didn’t know you were in here,’ she says very quietly, looking over her shoulder at the closed door.
‘How is Stephens?’ I ask, checking the time.
8:52
‘Broken leg and some bumps and bruises, but theysaid he’ll be fine. He can’t come back to work for a few weeks though.’
I nod, feeling relieved. At least he’s not dead, but Joe and Nasty Nurse definitely wanted him gone and now he is.
‘I charged your phone. They’ve been tearing the house apart looking for it, but I have a good spot.’
‘Thanks,’ I say, taking it and turning it on.
‘Are you okay?’ she asks quietly.