Page 122 of The Duke Who Saved Christmas
I never should have opened my big mouth and asked him how he felt about me.
I never should have allowed myself to feel anything like this.
“It’s dark in.” Thomas’ words jolted me out of my thoughts. “Inside the house, that is. It’s like the North Pole out here.”
I peered over at the house. “Yeah. Gramps left earlier to pick Mum and Dad up from the airport, and they’re staying at a hotel overnight since their flight was delayed and he doesn’t want to drive back in the dark.”
“And your grandmother?”
“Oh, she’s with a friend. Edna just got out of the hospital and her daughter isn’t arriving until tomorrow, so she’s helping her out until then.” I smiled tightly. “I’ll get my things from the boot.”
He turned away, looking towards the house. “I’ll wait until you’re inside and locked up. We threw everything in, so take your time sorting the bags.”
I nodded before getting out of the car. I walked around and popped the boot to get my purchases from tonight, pausing mid-sort to glance forwards. He wasn’t paying me the blindest bit of attention.
I hauled out my bags and closed the boot. The slam of it echoed through the blindingly bright front garden, and I unlocked the front door.
“If you need anything, you can call,” Thomas said, leaning out of his window. “Will you be all right here alone?”
I smiled sadly and nodded. “Yes, thanks. I’ll keep it in mind.”
“All right. Turn the light on when you’ve locked up, so I know you’re safe.”
The lump in my throat thickened at his cool goodbye, but I had no right to anything else after my bullshit tonight. So, I did as I was told. I unlocked the door, brought in my purchases, then locked it behind me.
Switched on the light.
Watched as he pulled away.
Turned down the driveway.
Disappeared around the corner.
And I crouched down behind the door, cupping my hands around my mouth.
As if I had any right to feel this way. As if this sinking despondency was fair for me to feel.
I was the most selfish person in the world, and Thomas was surely the most selfless. I’d demanded something I had no right to, and he’d offered it freely without expectation of reciprocation.
His emotions.
They belonged to him, and I’d demanded he share them if I was entitled to that knowledge.
I was the one who’d spewed that nonsense about ambiguity and honesty, and I’d given him absolutely nothing. I hadn’t been clear. I hadn’t clarified a damn thing.
I fumbled for my bag and reached in for my phone.
No.
I wasn’t going to let this night end this way. If I did, I feared there would be no way to return to our earlier conversation. The line would be well and truly drawn, and through all my uncertainties, I knew that wasn’t anything I could accept.
I didn’twantto walk away from these feelings.
Even if they were scary and unexpected, even if they were nonsense to me. Something deep within me was begging me to embrace them, come what may.
“What’s wrong?”
The concern that laced Thomas’ patchy answer on the phone made me squeeze my eyes closed. “I left a bag in your car. Could you bring it back?”
