Page 121 of Steel
“Well, he’s typically around when Kerrion visits with Nayelli, so yes.”
“So you two are officially a thing?”
Neha looked to me, and I nodded.
“We’re working toward it,” I answered.
“Forgive me. I’m just trying to understand—” She paused as she looked from me to Neha. “Never mind. It’s not my business.”
“Ms. Anita, I really would like it if you two could get to know each other.”
She looked at me like I was crazy, then looked at Neha. Her expression said she had no intention of getting to know her at all.
“Can I speak to you privately?” she asked me.
I sighed heavily as I stood from the table. Ms. Anita walked out of earshot and stood with her arms folded. When I got closer to her, I could see angry tears in her eyes.
“What are you doing?” she asked me.
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“My daughter hasn’t been dead a year, and you are already trying to replace her.”
“Ms. Anita?—”
“She looks like her, Kerrion! Like she could be her twin. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“I met Neha before I even knew Donna existed?—”
“So is that why you chose her? Because she looks like someone from your past? What, you thought you were getting a do-over?”
“Ms. Anita, . . . I cared about Donna. I loved her as the mother of my child and my best friend. Me moving on has nothing to do with replacing her because we were never in a relationship for metoreplace her. Neha is the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We have a second chance, andI’m not gonna miss out on that because I’m trying to spare yours or anybody’s feelings.
“Do I miss Donna? Yes, I do. I wish every day that my son had his mother. I wish she was here to see him grow up and witness all his firsts, but she’s not. Do you know what your daughter told me? She wanted me to be with someone who would love KJ the way that she would. That was in lifeandin death. Neha isn’t here to replace his mother. She’s the mother of my child, too, and I know she’ll be good to him. You don’t have anything to worry about, Ms. Anita.”
She laughed. “You’re carrying on a relationship with a woman that kept your child from you, from what I gathered. A woman that looks a hell of a lot like my daughter. It’s weird that you would even be with Donna, given the resemblance. You . . . you used her.”
“No, I didn’t. I stand ten toes down on the fact that I loved Donna, and I still love her. She was my best friend, and she gave me my son. She’ll always have my love and respect.”
She shook her head as she backed away from me.
“This is too much. This is all too much for me right now.”
“And I get that. I’m gonna say this as respectfully as I can. I respect your grief, but you have been in and out of my son’s life since he took his first breath. If you’re gonna be around, you have to be consistent. KJ deserves more than a part-time grandparent. If you can’t commit to that, then maybe we need some space.”
“Are you saying that I can’t see him?”
“I would never say that. You are the closest thing he has to his mother, and he needs you. What I am saying isweare still here. Life is still moving and happening for us. We still have a piece of her here. Time didn’t stop because we lost Donna.”
“Say that to me when you’ve lost a child, . . . when you’ve had to bury the child you carried and nurtured. Pray that you never have to know this pain.”
She walked away from me toward the exit of the water park. I wanted to go after her, but there was really nothing I could say to make this better for or make her understand where I was coming from. She felt a pain I never knew and prayed I wouldn’t.
I couldn’t pretendthat I wasn’t feeling uneasy about KJ’s other grandmother. I just knew that woman hated me. I overheard her tell him that I looked just like her daughter, and that sentence had me curious. I put on a smile and made it through the rest of the day at the water park, for the sake of the kids. I didn’t want to ruin their fun with a salty attitude, and I wanted to enjoy the time I had left with my parents.
Now that they were back home, I could fully process my thoughts.
I was sure she had the notion that I was going to come in and try to take her daughter’s place in her grandson’s life, but I would never do that. If anything, I would love that precious baby like he was an extension of myself because I loved his father. When he was in my presence, KJ would be treated just like Nayelli. His father could discipline him, but I had no problem parenting within respect.
