Page 139 of Steel
I followed her into the house where she motioned for me to take a seat on the couch.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” she offered.
“No, thank you. I’m fine.”
She sat down and crossed her legs, staring at me for a moment without saying a word. I gave her a blank stare, waiting for her to tell me why I was here.
After clearing her throat, she finally said something.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I called you.”
“If it’s to have the same conversation we’ve been having, we can skip that.”
“You have no idea how hard this is for me?—”
“I don’t, and I pray I never have to. I don’t wish any of this on you, Ms. Anita.”
She sighed heavily as she wrung her hands together.
“When Donna was younger, she went through this rebellious stage. It seems like everything I told her was wrong in her eyes. I couldn’t seem to give her advice about anything without it offending her. Back then, she told me she couldn’t wait to be grown and be out of my house so she could live by her own rules.
“Then her father died, and all we had was each other to lean on. We became closer . . . did everything together. I became her best friend, and she became mine. Losing her, . . . it broke something inside of me. I could handle losing my husband. I knew we wouldn’t spend the rest of our lives together, but my baby? I expected her to bury me, not the other way around.
“I wake up day after day knowing she’s gone. I can’t call her. I can’t text her. I can’t meet up with her for brunch or shopping. I talk to her, and she can’t talk back. There’s no arms to wrap around me when I need to feel her. No kisses on the cheek. No . . . no moreMommy, I need you.Nothing. I’m a childless mother, and it kills me, Kerrion. It kills me.”
She paused to wipe her tears while I remained silent. I didn’t have the words for her. Nothing I said could ease that pain.
“I want you to be happy,” she continued. “I know that’s what Donna would have wanted, too, because she loved you so much. It’s just . . . your girlfriend. She looks so much like Donna. I don’t know if I can be around her, Kerrion. I want to be here for KJ, honestly, I do. I just . . . it’s her.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry you feel that way. Neha and I are going to be together. She’s gonna be around KJ, and at some point, y’all will share a space. It won’t be all the time, but itwillhappen.You’re family, Ms. Anita. I love you, and I don’t want this to draw a deeper line between you and I or you and my son.”
She looked from me to KJ. When she reached for him, I handed him over. She cuddled him against her chest and kissed his curly head. Tears pooled in her eyes as she rocked him.
“I love him so much,” she whispered. “You have no idea. Can I keep him this week?”
I pondered her request. My son had never been away from me for more than two days. I wasn’t sure I could go a week without seeing him.
“Please . . . I need this.”
I sighed. “Okay. I’m gonna be stopping by though. He’s never been away from me that long. I’m not gonna know what to do with myself.”
“That’s fine,” she said as she stared down at him, caressing his cheek as he slept. “Grandma is gonna take good care of you, precious.”
I didn’t worry about that. Whenever she kept him, he was always fed, clean, and happy when I came to pick him up.
“Do you need anything for him?” I asked.
“Nope. I have everything he needs. Don’t worry about a thing.” She finally looked up at me. “Thank you for giving me chance after chance. Maybe I don’t deserve?—”
“It’s not what you deserve. It’s whathedeserves. But thisisthe last chance, Ms. Anita. I meant what I said. KJ needs consistency. I don’t want him to have to keep getting used to you.”
She nodded. “He won’t have to.”
“Good.”
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and when I pulled it out, I saw that it was a message in the family group chat from Deuce. We had a case, and I guessed her asking to keep KJ came at the right time.
“I gotta go.” I stood from the couch and went to kiss my son. “I love you, Fat Man. Be a good boy.”
