Page 49 of The Bones We Break
“Thank you. Thank you so much. Not just for this, but for everything.” I murmur.
“You’re welcome, pretty girl.” I relax into his arms at his soft tone of voice.
I spend the evening setting up my new Kindle, excitement rushes through me like a child at Christmas. The screen illuminates with the logo before opening up to a library full of book options. My face begins to ache from the amount of smiling that I’ve been doing recently and my toes curl under the soft blanket as I spot some of my favourite authors amidst the online library. Pressing my finger to the screen I begin to download a couple of dark romances, varying from stalkers to masked men to bikers. My lips curl into a smirk as I realise that I’ve bagged my own biker book boyfriend.
Placing the kindle on the armrest of the couch to let the books download, I pick up the phone, opening up the contacts. Dean’s number is the only one that fills the phone book. My fingers pause on the ‘add contact’ button, second guessing whether I should contact the girls. I’m safer now, like Dean said so I press the button and input Ellie and Patty’s phone numbers. Dean’s taken Lyla out for a long walk, telling me to use this alone time to contact my friends if I wanted to and I think I want to. My thumb hovers over the small picture of the phone on Ellie’s contact, and before I can chicken out I press the screen and bring the phone to my ear.Please don’t answer. Please don’t answer.I mentally chant to myself as I hear the telltale noise of the line ringing. I’m so close to ending the call when her light voice breaks through the speaker.
“Hello?” Tears well in my eyes at the sound of her voice.“Who is this?”
“It’s.. it’s me.” I murmur through the phone, there’s a silence that makes me think she doesn’t recognise my voice, that I’ve well and truly lost her until she speaks again.
“Ana? Is that you?” Her voice breaks and a sharp stab of pain pierces straight through my chest at the sound. “Yeah, it’s me.” I reply, a tremor in my voice.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe it! I.. can’t believe I’m hearing your voice again. I, God, I never thought I’d hear it again.” She cries out down the phone and I have to pull my lip in between my teeth to stop the impending sob that’s threatening to break free.
“I never thought I’d hear your voice again either, Ellie. I miss you and Patty so much.”
“Where have you been? What happened? Everyone thought you were missing or something? I knew something wasn’t right after you got married but I thought nothing of it. I just assumed you were basking in the honeymoon stage. God, I should have done more to help you if you were in trouble.” I hear her voice cracking and I know she’s crying, blaming herself, and the guilt begins to eat me alive at the thought of my best friend blaming herself for my sudden disappearance.
“No, Ellie, stop. This isn’t your fault. This was all me, well it was Ricky but I was stupid enough to fall in love with him and I.. I couldn’t stop the downward spiral he sent me on and I’m so sorry for not reaching out to you sooner but I couldn’t risk yours or Patty’s safety.” There’s a beat of silence when I think she’s hung up the phone but her voice crackles through the speaker again. “Just.. just please tell me that you’re safe. No matter where you are, you’re safe. You can tell me all the other details another time. I’m just so happy that you’re alive.” I hear hersniffle through the phone, her voice calm and quiet.
“I’m safe. I wasn’t but I am now, I promise.” I look around Dean’s home as I speak knowing that I’m truly safe now.
“Then that’s all that matters to me, and you don’t need to tell me where you are right now.” I know Ellie is not wanting to risk my safety by asking me to disclose my location and I appreciate that. I hear Lyla barking as she races up the gravel drive away and I know Dean will be home in a moment.
“Listen, I have to go but please save this number and I’ll be in touch. I love you.”
“I love you more, babe. I’m so glad you contacted me.” A small smile tips up my lips at her words and I end the call, placing the phone next to the Kindle. A whirlwind of emotions fired through my senses after the phone call. Happiness, because I’ve finally had the balls to phone my best friend after so many years of being on my own but also a sadness that through all that time she was blaming herself, that I’d be the one to cause her that pain.
I’m not given much time to sit with my thoughts when Dean opens the door and Lyla comes bounding into the living room, throwing herself onto the couch. “Oh my God! I thought you were supposed to be tired after a walk.” I say between laughter as Lyla’s soggy tongue licks up and down my face, my hands scratching behind her ears.
“I’m convinced that dog, will never be tired.” Dean’s voice breaks through the onslaught of licks that I’m getting to the face. He hangs Lyla’s lead up near the door then comes over to plant a kiss on my forehead, his woodsy, spicy scent tickling my nose. He steps back and makes his way into the kitchen to fill up Lyla’s water bowl with fresh cold water, and she immediately jumps down from the couch at the sound of the tap turning on.
“So, I called Ellie.” I blurt out and Dean instantly flicks his gaze to mine. “Oh? How was that?” He asks as he places the bowl down on the small mat in the kitchen before coming to sit down next to me, lifting my legs to rest them on his thighs. His hands begin to rub up and down my legs, massaging the muscles in my calves and I stretch out under his touch.
“It was good, I think. She was obviously surprised to hear from me and she told me that she blamed herself for my disappearance with Ricky so, the guilt from that is sort of eating me alive at the moment.” My eyes dip to my hands that are placed in my lap, a small war waging in my head.
“Hey. Stop that.” I lift my head, my brows creasing in the middle. “I already know that you’re blaming yourself for what happened to you and you wish that you could go back in time to tell Ellie but you can’t, mama. The past is in the past and what happened to you isn’t your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault except for Ricky’s.” His tone darkens as he speaks my husband’s name and I already know a flicker of anger is burning in his eyes but he somehow manages to keep it at bay. “I guess you’re right. I just.. I just hate the feeling of knowing that probably all this time she was wondering if she could have done more.” I murmur, my voice low and filled with sadness. Dean moves one of his hands away from my legs and laces his fingers through mine, giving them a quick squeeze. “Listen to me, Ana. You cannot blame yourself for the actions of other people and for things that are out of your control, okay? I know that feeling first hand.” His green eyes stare off somewhere else and I can’t help but think he’s speaking about his previous job. I give him a moment of silence before he speaks again.
“A couple of years ago I was on a job, hired to take out a pretty important senator. I didn’t ask why, that wasn’t part of my job title. I killed the target and got paid, no questionsasked and that’s how I liked it. The less I knew about the job, the better. I could actually try to salvage some of my humanity that way, but this one couldn’t have gone more wrong.” I keep silent as I hang onto his every word. He takes a short breath and continues.
“I had my rifle set up in this abandoned building, like I always did, the routine never changing. I had my eye on the senator through the scope, he was out for lunch for a business meeting I think with his wife, and a few other counsellors. The room was pretty guarded, I spotted a few stationed outside of the building he was having lunch in. I radioed to Eli that everything was in place and that I had the target in clear shot until I spotted a kid in the fucking room.” His voice is low, his head hanging low, like he’s reliving the moment all over again. I place both my hands over his, in hopes that it will give him a small sense of comfort. Inhaling a sharp breath, I hold it and wait for him to tell the next part of the nightmare.
“I knew the senator had a kid but he wasn’t supposed to be there. There is no way I could kill a man in front of his son. Imagine the fucking trauma that would cause. I was more than ready to tell my boss to reschedule the hit, to fucking call it quits, I dunno’ I just couldn’t do it. I panicked, then Eli told me the kid’s nanny was unwell so that’s why he’d ended up joining his parents at lunch. I remember Eli telling me to finish the job and leave, once it was done that’s it, the contract was over and I could move on like I always did. So that’s what I did.” Dean lifts his head, a wave of sadness clouding over his green eyes and I can’t stop that very same sadness that overwhelms me at his pain.
“You don’t have to tell me this if you’re not comfortable.” I speak out, desperate to take his pain away. “No. I need to do this baby. I need you to know this part of me.” I don’t argueagainst his case and nod my head, letting him continue even if I’m dreading what comes next. “I made the choice that day to finish the contract.. I pulled the trigger, a clear shot in sight. What a fucking mistake that was. The bullet fired through the glass window before I could ever stop it, the kid jumped into his dad’s arm and that one single bullet killed them both. That was the first time I ever went against my gut feeling and I vowed to myself that I would never make that mistake again.”
Tears well in my eyes at the burden this man is carrying on his shoulders and I can only imagine how he’s trudged on through life, carrying that much weight with him everyday. In a swift decision, I pull the blanket away and plant myself into his lap, my thighs straddling either side of him, and I wrap my arms around him, bringing his head to my chest. He slips his arms around my middle and squeezes me tightly.
“I’m so sorry you went through that Dean, and I’m sorry that you’ve had to carry that with you all this time.” I whisper into his hair, softly stroking the onyx strands. He pulls away a fraction and tips his head to look at me. “Don’t be sorry for me pretty girl, this is my burden to carry, not yours. I pulled the trigger and I have to live with that. But, just know that you’re stronger than I’ll ever be.” He praises, his bright eyes burning into mine and I place a tender kiss to the corner of his mouth, then break the gap between us.
“Thank you for sharing that with me.” I give him a small smile as I notice his eyes wander over to the Kindle that’s resting on the arm of the couch. I follow his gaze then back to his face. “What are you thinking Mr Sinclair?” I say in an accusatory, but playful tone. His hands leave the small of my back, then he places them on the globes of my ass, kneading the thick flesh.
“I say, you finally let me in what you’re reading and I’ll put my mouth to good use whilst you do it.” He wets his lips andgrinds me against his now hardening cock. The butterflies in my stomach swirl, their wings battering my insides at the thought of Dean’s mouth on me. I’ve never experienced that before. Ricky never went down on me like that, he said my pleasure wasn’t worth his time. I shoo the thought away and climb down from Dean’s lap and sway my hips as I walk towards my Kindle, grabbing it and making my way into his bedroom.
“You coming or what?” I shout over my shoulder and he practically scrambles from the couch like an excited puppy.
I straight up tripped over my own feet as I chased her down the hallway towards my bedroom, my eyes glued on her plump ass as she walked in front of me. We’ve still been sleeping in separate bedrooms but now I’m desperate to have her in my bed, to claim her for myself.
