Page 30 of The Bones We Break
I explained in brief detail about my situation and Darlene simply listened, I appreciated that but I needed to move on though, I’d stayed here too long and the longer that I was here the more danger I put Darlene and her son, Charlie in. A wave of sadness hit me as I thought about leaving this place behind, the relationship I’d built with Darlene in such a short space of time started to mean a lot to me.
On a whim, I decided before packing up my room that I would change my appearance and dye my hair with the colour I’d bought, a thrill shot through me at the thought of covering this blonde hair. A whole new character change is what Ineeded. To shed my old skin in some way. Grabbing the box off the bed I made my way into the tiny bathroom and flicked on the light, then proceeded to empty the contents of the box before mixing the two bottles together and giving it a good shake. The white formula inside the bottle now turned a dark shade of brown. Placing the applicator on the sink, I slipped my hands into the plastic gloves that are always ten times too big for average size hands, they crinkled as I flexed my fingers.
Well, here goes nothing.
I didn’t give myself time to go back on my decision and started to apply the dye to my hair, the creamy formula coating every strand. The strong ammonia smell made my eyes water but I carried on regardless, it was too late to go back now so I pushed on. After a couple of minutes I had my whole head covered, not an inch of blonde could be seen under the rich, dark colour. Slipping my hands out of the gloves I put them back inside the box before pulling off a piece of toilet roll and wiping around my hairline, then squished the tissue in the box along with the gloves and threw it into the small metal bin that sat next to the toilet.
After about thirty minutes or so of lounging on the motel room’s bed I decided it was time to wash the hair dye out and get a move on. Reaching into the shower cubicle, turning the dial, flumes of warm water spray out before reaching its hot point. Steam billowed around the small confines of the bathroom. I shed my clothes then stepped under the spray, the warmth wrapped me in its embrace, the volcanic heat penetrated my skin and I groaned.
Tipping my head back I let the excess dye run freely from my locks, the water at the bottom of the shower swirled with a murky brown shade, spinning around the plug hole before draining away. I raked my fingers through my hair, making sureto thoroughly rinse the colour before applying the shampoo and conditioner. I already felt different, I’m not sure if hair dye possesses that kind of power but I chose to believe that it does. I’d made another choice for myself and it felt good.
Turning off the shower, I step out onto the cold floor before wrapping myself in the towel then turning to stand in front of the bathroom mirror for the last time. Wiping away the condensation from the mirror, the water ran freely in a downwards trail towards the sink, and my brows creased as I really took a look at myself. I felt like I knew the woman staring back at me, like a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. The feeling hit me like a ton of bricks and tears welled in my lower lids at the thought of finally seeing myself,reallyseeing myself. Inhaling sharply through my nose, I quickly wiped away the tears, refusing to let them break.
Once I was dressed again I gave my hair, now a rich black, a quick towel dry then ran my fingers through the tangles after remembering that I never packed a hairbrush. My hands would have to do the job for the time being, leaving it to air dry. I made sure to hang the towel back up and do a quick scan of the room to make sure I’d packed everything into my holdall. Slinging it onto my shoulder, I swipe the room key and the car key from the bedside unit before pausing at the door for a moment, and taking one last look around the room, feeling bittersweet about leaving but I know I need to go. This place, this town, isn’t meant for me.
Opening the door, I step out into the hallway and lock it behind me for a final time, then make my way to the entrance. I find Darlene sitting at the front desk, a small radio at the side of her playing Elvis Presley. She nods her head to the King of Rock n’ Roll’s rich voice, the smoke from her cigarette swirling around her head as I come to stand in front of her. My handrises to ring the silver bell but Darlene quickly looks up before I can press my hand down.
“Well, darlin’ look at you.” Her gaze roams over my appearance, noticing the change in hair colour and I feel good about it. “You look like you could take on the world!” She beams and I smile widely at her compliment, cherishing this feeling, not knowing when I’ll feel it again.
“Thank you, Darlene. For everything. I probably wouldn’t have survived without you.” I tell her, meaning every single word. She tuts at me and waves her hand around, her signature bracelets tingling together.
“You would have survived, sweet. Youaresurviving. Don’t give up on that, alright.” She speaks directly to me, like her words have penetrated my soul. I nod and take her warm hand in mine and give it a squeeze before letting go.
“I’ll survive.” I whisper to her, choosing to believe the two simple words. Darlene clears her throat before speaking again. “I won’t walk you out, darlin’ cos’ I’ll only start cryin’ and I’ve just done my makeup fresh.” She laughs in between small sobs and I can’t help but reflect her emotions.
“I’ll miss you.” I admit to her whilst handing the door key back over, and she simply nods, her warm eyes shining. She slides a small card across the desk and I take it in my hands.
“If you ever need me, for whatever, it doesn’t matter, you know where to find me.” I bring the card to my chest before slipping it into the outside pocket of my bag. Swearing to keep it safe. Steadily, I step away from the desk and make my way over to the doors, the chime of the bell ringing through the small entrance way as I open it. Turning slightly, I take one last look at the woman who quickly became a mother figure to me.
“Off you go, sunshine.” She says and I give her one last smileand leave.
I round the motel and make my way over to the garage where now, my car, sits. The shutter is already unlocked so I crouch down and lift it up, the metal screeching as it rises. Stepping inside the damp garage I dig the key out of my pocket and slide it into the lock on the drivers door, the internal locks pop open as I turn the key. I wrap my hand around the silver handle and pull the door open, the hinges squeak at my intrusion and I throw my bag onto the passenger seat. Sliding in behind the wheel, the rich leather scent envelops me and I wrap both my hands around the wheel and grip it tight, the black leather is smooth under my fingertips.
Scouring over the interior of the car, noting that it’s pretty empty except for a couple of jump leads in the back, there’s also an old cassette player on the dashboard and my mood instantly lifts. I finally have the chance to listen to some music, even though I’m pretty sure cassettes are pretty hard to come by nowadays, either way I’m excited. I lean over the gearstick and pop open the glove box, the heavy door flopping open to reveal an absolute treasure trove of cassettes.
“I can’t believe it.” I breathe out, amazement laces my voice. Digging around in the drawer, I pull out the first one I grab hold of. A battered version of Def Leppard sits in my hand, the plastic case cracked in the corners. Placing my thumbs on either side of the case, I pry it open, careful not to damage it even more to find a perfect tape inside. Removing it from its confines I slip it into the player and press the play button. After a couple of seconds the classic rock music begins to bleed from the speakers, filling the car with heavy notes. Shakily, I bring my hand to my mouth and sob freely.
It’s silly really, I know it is, crying over a tape but I haven’t heard real music in so long, except from the drive over here, thatI instantly feel the ache in my chest. It’s such a small joy to have and it’s all mine. I guess Darlene’s husband had great taste in music.
Slipping the empty cassette into the little pocket on the inside of my door, then slotting the key into the ignition, I press my foot down on the clutch and turn the key forward. The engine sputters a couple of times and I have to turn the key again before the engine roars to life. Pressing the accelerator down once, twice, the engine revs heavily under my feet, vibrations rushing through the car.
She survived.
I slip the seatbelt over myself and push it into the clasp, securing it in place. God, why am I nervous? I’ve made it this far, I can make it further. Away from the monster I know that won’t stop at anything to claim me back. Pushing the gear stick into first gear, I lift the clutch and press down on the accelerator pedal, slowly crawling forward out of the garage, pushing my foot down further, the car begins to pick up speed, the gravel crunching beneath the tires.
The end of the driveway comes into view where the smooth asphalt meets the grey stones, pressing the brake pedal slowly.
Pausing.
Taking in the surroundings around me.
The tall looming trees don’t look as frightening as they once did and the sky looks clearer than before. I could just be imagining things but everything feels lighter somehow. Turning my head left and right, the rumble of the car is the only noise, before pressing on the accelerator again and turning right onto the smooth road, not really knowing where it will take me, but I choose to drive.
The smooth open road seems to stretch on for miles, the wind through the open windows of the car brushes through my hair and for the first time, I feel free. Free to make my own choices, free to dress how I want to and express myself in my own way. I’ve played three cassette tapes on my drive so far, first was Def Leppard the next two, AC/DC and Journey. The heavy bass of the music filled my bloodstream with an excited buzz. The sun on the horizon began to dip slowly, creating a fiery orange sky, wispy white clouds spread out like candy floss across the open space. The trees are so dense around here, tightly packed together like soldiers, not an ounce of light could break through the branches and vibrant green leaves. Putting my foot down harder, I watch the numbers on the dial climb higher, the road and my surroundings whooshed past at lightning speed. After another couple of miles I noticed a gas station in the distance, deciding I needed to probably fill up the car and stock up on some essentials, I cruise the car and pull in. The smooth tarmac quickly turns into gravel as I drive into the gas station. The place is empty apart from one or two cars already parked up.
The gas station itself felt like it was stuck in the past, like life had never really moved on. It felt like a ghost town. Pulling up to one of the empty pumps I cut the ignition, pulled the key out and unzipped my bag to grab some cash from the envelope.
I really needed to stash this in a better place.
