Page 28 of The Bones We Break
Walking over to the window, I draw the curtains closed, blocking out the moonlight and any onlookers then round the bed, my footsteps silent on the worn carpet as I make my way over to the door and turn the key, hearing it lock, then slide it out. With the key in hand I scan the room to see if I can find anything to budge under the door handle. I know Darlene said I would be safe here but my flight or fight senses are already kicking in, doing whatever they can to protect me. A wooden chair sits against the drawers, and I drag it over to the door, pushing the back of it under the door handle, giving it a quick shake to make sure it’s secure before dropping my bag onto the floor next to the bed and climbing under the scratchy sheets.
I place the key on the bedside table and flick the light off, shrouding me in complete darkness except for a small slither of light that breaks itself free from under the door, illuminating a small patch of the carpet. My thoughts are heavy as I try torelax as best as I can in the bed, listening to every single sound I can pinpoint. The dull noise of odd cars driving past, the walls settling and creaking, the water dripping from the shower, all of it mixing together creates an odd lullaby. My eyes become heavy and I struggle to keep them open, letting sleep take me under.
***
The morning comes around quicker than I would like, my brain feels foggy and heavy, like I could sleep for another week but I need to get moving. With much reluctance, I drag myself out of the stiff bed, the wooden frame creaking as I move. Sitting up, I stretch my arms above my head, my muscles and joints pop under the pressure, the damage from the last couple of days hits me like a freight train. My eyes roamed over the room to make sure everything was exactly where I left it, the chair pushed under the door handle, my bag against the bed on the floor and the door key sat on the bedside unit next to the lamp. There’s also a small plastic clock sitting next to the lamp, the time reading7:30am. I wonder if I’ll ever have a restful sleep.
Scrambling my hand aimlessly inside of the opened bag on the floor, pushing the clothes aside to find a small zip up pouch filled with essential toiletries, pulling it free from the confines of the clothes, I trod over to the small bathroom, pulling the cord for the light in my still dazed state, the lights flickering to life again. My sensitive eyes squint and blink rapidly at the intrusion before standing in front of the sink and turning on the cold water tap. The icy water flushes through the pipes, splattering the grimy sink, and I cup my hands under the spray and splash the freezing water on my face. The shock of the coldness has me sucking in a sharp breath but I welcome the freshness, instantly waking me up. After brushing my teeth I open the packet of contraception pills, making a note of how many I have left, about two weeks worth. I’ll have to figure outhow to get my hands on some more. I started taking the birth control pills soon after Ricky started to force himself on me, he never came inside of me but I couldn’t have too much protection from him. I refused to bring a child into our toxic relationship and I’m grateful for that decision now. Piercing the small tin foil packet with my thumb, I drop the small circle tablet in my mouth before swallowing it down, the powdery texture leaves a sour taste on my tongue.
My reflection in the mirror doesn’t look too great if I’m being honest, the woman staring blankly back at me looks worn out, tired and defeated. The bruises and marks are still ever present.
Bringing my hand to the back of my head I gently touch the wound, it’s still tender but more tolerable now. Turning away from my reflection, I flick off the light and exit the bathroom before slipping on my shoes, then lift the bag from the floor and place it on the bed to dig around for the envelope containing the money. I feel my fingers come in contact with the thick paper and pull it out before prying open the seal on the back. A wad of cash stares back at me, all in various amounts from tens, twenties to hundreds. I run my thumb across the notes, flicking through them like a deck of cards before pulling out a twenty and shoving it into my pants pocket. Pushing the money in the bottom of the bag again, I pull out the phone. Bringing my finger to the side of the device I press down the small button, the screen coming to life in a matter of seconds. There isn’t much on there as I scroll through the simple applications that are already installed on the phone to familiarise myself with it, then stop on the contacts and open it, the phone book completely empty.
Of course it’s empty. What was I even thinking?
A pang of sadness hits me right in the chest like a bullet, knowing I’m truly alone in all of this. I could add the girls’numbers? Just in case. I know them off by heart anyway. After little deliberation I input the numbers into the phone and then lock it, slipping the device into my other pocket. When the time comes I’ll contact them, explain everything, but now isn’t that time. It’s too soon.
Grabbing the zip in my hand I pull it across the bag and place it back on the floor in the exact same place as where it was. Deciding to leave the curtains closed, I swipe the key from the bedside unit and mosey over to the door, and pull the chair from underneath the handle, placing it to the side then, slip the single key into the lock and turn it to the left, the mechanism clicking. Then I leave, but not before pushing down on the handle a couple of times to make sure it’s secure, and walk down the dim hallway towards the entrance. I keep my head low, my hair covering my neck and face.
My stomach suddenly grumbles in protest. When was the last time I ate anything? I push through the double doors that lead to the reception area, there’s no sign of Darlene this morning. Maybe she hasn’t come in yet. Quickly I check out the small entrance way to make sure I’m alone before exiting the motel to the small convenience store just next door.
The sky is still cloudy and grey with no sign of sunrise yet. The tall, ominous trees that surround the motel sway in the morning breeze, the odd bird sound echoing around the open space. I start towards the store, the red neon lights on the twenty four hour sign flicker every so often. It’s like something out of a horror movie, and that brings a small smile to my face, reminiscing on the times I used to lounge on my couch watching the classic horrors and true crime documentaries. That feels like a lifetime away now. I often wondered what happened to my little apartment, my slice of heaven. Has someone else taken residence, filled the space with everything they love or does it lieempty, barren. Maybe one day I’ll see it again.
After a short walk I reach the glass door of the store, an array of flyers stick to the glass pane, offering car washes, music venues in the local area and the odd missing pet. People’s lives spread out in front of me. Pushing my palm against the door, a noisy chime rings out throughout the shop to signal my entrance. My feet land on the worn and scuffed luminol flooring, years of grey track marks line the entrance way. Eyeing the shop I take in every inch of the place, a whole new environment to me. I was never allowed to go shopping, Ricky ordered everything we needed and I just simply cooked it.
The space has an eerie vibe to it but I don’t feel any threats. Three isles line the floor, each packed with everything you could ever need from drinks to tinned food, sweets and snacks, hot and cold food to cleaning and toiletries. I didn’t know where to start first, feeling overwhelmed and spoilt for choice.
A row of tall fridges and freezers line one side of the shop, stocked to the brim with alcohol, milk, fizzy drinks and ice cream. My mouth waters at the thought of eating whatever the hell I wanted to for the first time in years. The sweet and sour taste was already bursting on my tongue from the vision I created in my mind. I took a step forward when a man stood up from underneath the counter. My heart launches into my throat and I startle backwards, hitting my back against the door.
“Shit! I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t mean to frighten you like that.”
My hand flies to my chest to calm the erratic muscle that’s bouncing around in there, as I notice the same southern twang that I heard in Darlene’s voice, maybe they’re related? The man doesn’t look much older than me, I was coming up to my late twenties whereas this man looked early thirties. A scruff beardlined the bottom half of his face and connected to a moustache above his top lip, the wiry hairs are patchy in some places, the colour is almost a strawberry blonde, and what looked like chocolate brown eyes looked at me from behind his thick glasses that rested on his crooked nose. The cartilage bent to the left, I assumed it’d been broken once or twice. I didn’t notice any hair but he did wear a black trucker hat with what I think is a baseball team but I couldn’t be too sure. He was lanky and tall and wore a simple blue polo shirt with the shop’s logo on the breast pocket and black pants. I must have been staring because his voice breaks me out of my trance.
“Is.. everything alright?” He asks and I shake my head to regain my focus.
“Yes, yes everything is fine. I’m sorry, you made me jump, that’s all. I’m fine.” I reassure him, my palm still laying on my chest.
“Again, I didn’t mean to frighten you, I didn’t hear the bell and then the next minute you were there.” He laughs awkwardly and I give a small smile.
“It’s okay, seriously.” I say in a light voice. “I’m just here to grab a few things then I’ll be on my way.” Tipping my head towards the door I just came through. His eyes roam over my face for a split second before connecting with mine again. I pause for a moment, hoping that he doesn’t bring up the bruises.
“Erm, yeah sure. Go ahead. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” He runs his hand over the back of his neck then goes back to messing around with whatever was keeping him under the counter. Taking that as my sign that the conversation is over, I lift a small basket from the stack near the door and slip my arm through the handle.
There’s so many things I’ve never seen before, different types of sweets, snacks and drinks. I try to opt for things that I know will keep me full on the road. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to stop off somewhere next. The less of a trail I can leave behind, the better.
In my peruse of the shop, I grab bottles of water and a few fizzy ones, cereal bars, dried fruit, nuts and crisp before I stumble upon the bars of chocolate and I can’t resist the temptation, taking a few I throw them into my almost full basket. My feet lead me up and down the isles until I get to the toiletries on the last row.
Walking further down, passing bottles of shower gel and soaps, I pause in front of the box of hair dyes. Various colours line the shelf, blondes, oranges, reds, blacks and browns. Gazing over the colours, a sense of rebellion fires through me and I hastily grab the black box of dye and stride over to the counter.
The tall, lanky man pops up again just before I get there and I place the metal basket in front of him. He begins to scan every item, the total going up on the small screen, then places them into a bag for me. He quickly bypasses the tampons I threw in there, as if he’s frightened by them and scans the hair dye last.
“Fancy a change?” He signals the stark colour difference on the box to my bleached blonde hair. I laugh awkwardly and reply. “Yeah, something like that.” I wait for him to finish packing my random array of items before he speaks again.
“That’ll be..” He checks the small screen. “Nineteen dollars and fifty four cents, please.” I dig around in my pocket before bringing out the twenty dollar bill and handing it over to him. He rings it through the cashier and begins to dig out my change from the drawer, but I bring my hand up to stop him.
“You can keep the change, it’s no problem.” Instead ofputting the change back in the drawer he drops it into a small children’s charity bucket, the coins rattle around with the rest of the money that’s already in there. I smile at the gesture and begin to grab my bag off the counter.
“Have a nice day, ma’am.” He tips his head at me as I make my way towards the door to leave. Pulling it towards me, the chime rings out again and I turn to face him. “You too. And, thank you.” I say with a genuine tone, dipping my head and leaving the creepy but quaint store behind me.
