Page 37 of The Bones We Break
“Erm, am I interrupting some kind of weird family reunion here?” The man next to Dean speaks up. His chocolate brown eyes darted between us, trying to understand what’s going on between the two of us. I go to speak but Dean’s voice keeps me anchored to the floor.
“I’m sorry. Ana, this is my best friend Eli.” Dean gestures with his large hand towards who I now know as Eli, tips his half empty bottle of beer towards me and tips his chin.
“Ana, nice to meet you. And thanks for the beers.” He chuckles to himself but I keep my eyes firmly planted on Dean, watching the interaction between them both.
“You’re welcome. I better finish up, my shift will be ending soon. Nice to meet you, Eli.” I say, staring directly at the man sitting next to Dean. I don’t need to look back at Dean to know his fierce gaze is burning a hole right through me, my skin burns and sizzles under his stare. Spinning on my heels I give him a tight smile and begin to walk back to the bar but the moment I step away, a firm hand wraps around my wrist and I instantly flinch at the contact, pulling my arm back to my body. My eyesfollow the point of contact, all the way up Dean’s arm until I reach his face, a wash of guilt.. Maybe? Washes over his face, knowing I don’t like to be touched without permission.
“Shit. I fucked up then, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that.” His eyes plead with mine and I know the apology is genuine, and I have to admit that I didn’t mind his fingers on my skin. Looking back down at his hand again that’s placed on his knee, the tattoos on the top stand out against his tanned skin. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such attractive hands in my life. Averting my gaze like I’ve been scalded, I clear my throat and shove away the sinful thoughts of what his hands could do.
“It’s okay, you didn’t mean any harm by it.” Dean’s face instantly softens.
“Could I talk to you after your shift? I feel like we sort of ended on a sour note when you left my garage. I just wanna’ make sure I didn’t upset you or anything.” He wants to talk to me? About what? I thought after our awkward goodbye at the garage he would have forgotten all about me, maybe went home to a wife? I’ve never noticed a wedding ring on his finger but he could take it off for work, but he’s not at work now and I still don’t see one, not even a tan line of where a ring would be. My train of thought instantly travels to my left hand and the heavy diamond that sits on my finger. The weight of it is enough to shock some sense into me. I’m still married and when, not if, Ricky finds me and sees me with another man, I’ll not only end up dead myself, but I would also endanger someone else’s life, Dean’s life and I can’t willingly put that on my conscience.
“I.. I don’t think that’s wise, I’m sorry.” The apology slips right off my tongue and I mean every single word of it. Confusion and what looks a lot like hurt slashes across his face, his hard brows crease, his bright emerald eyes pass over my face like he’s committing everything to memory and I can’t stopthe guilt that swirls around in my stomach, but this time it’s guilt from possibly hurting a good, decent man. But, if that hurt keeps him safe, keeps him away from the evil that follows me, then I’ll be the bad guy.
I don’t give Dean the chance to reply as I slip back through the crowd that’s now leaving the bar, the music has finally begun to die down and I’m able to think properly away from Dean’s suffocating presence.
Rapidly, my eyes bounce around the room like a pinball to see if Dean is still in the same spot I left him, but when I don’t see his broad shoulders, or his backward cap I assume that he slipped out with the crowd. My words seemed to have worked so why am I not happy about it? Why do I feel this sudden stab of sadness pierce my chest at the thought of him walking away? This fucking whirlwind of emotion is too much for me to handle, I feel like I’m lost at sea and the rough waters are pulling and pushing me in every direction, the salty water filling my lungs to the point where I can’t breathe. I feel the room closing in on me, blackness clouds the edges of my vision and my skin breaks out into a cold sweat.
I need to leave, escape this place, I feel trapped like a caged animal.
In a haze of stress, I pull off my apron and throw it over the bar to Freddy who catches it in his hand.
“Everything okay blackbird? You don’t look too good.” Concern and worry lace his voice and it makes me want to cry. I don’t deserve to be worried about. I just bring hurt and chaos to everyone’s lives.
“I’m fine, Freddy. I just.. I just need to head home okay, I’m feeling a bit under the weather that’s all.” I scramble to the front door and push it open, instantly breathing in the cold night air,expanding my lungs to maximum capacity. Rushing around the corner of the bar, I double over, my hands landing on my knees as I dry heave, expelling nothing. My body feels like it’s been crushed in a vice, like a car in a scrapyard, squashing and bursting under the pressure. Allowing my eyes to close for a moment, I begin to slow my breathing down, the dark edges of my vision disappearing as I steady my erratic heartbeat. I don’t remember the last time I had a major panic attack like that.
Standing up I slowly walk towards the small staff car park and dig the key car out of my pocket to unlock my car when I notice an all black bike parked right next to my Chevy and a certain someone straddling the magnificent machine.
“Are you following me Dean?” I shout out to him and his head instantly snaps up from his phone, the screen illuminating him in the lowlights of the street lamps, the sharp angle of his jaw, and his strong nose. His eyes immediately connect with mine, even in the dark.
“Maybe, would you be mad if I was?” He teases.
“You shouldn’t be here.” I try to warn him but he ignores it and climbs off his bike, then begins to take slow strides towards me. “And why shouldn’t I be here, Ana?” He looks down to me, now toe to toe. The deep baritone of his voice swirls around me like thick clouds and I slip easily into that embrace until I realise what I’m doing. Fuck. I can’t keep falling into him like this.
“It’s not safe for you to be around me. I know that sounds stupid but I just need you to believe me.” I step backwards and he takes a step forward, following exactly where I was standing. Dean tips his head to the side, his jaw ticks.
“Who are you running from mama, talk to me.” I break his heavy gaze and look away from him, my chin dipping to my shoulder, and I fight with everything I have to keep the tearsat bay, to not fall into him and spill my guts about everything, because for the first fucking time I want to. I want to confide in someone. To give my troubles to someone else, to let them carry it for a moment because they’re so.. Heavy and I’m so tired. I’m so tired of running, of constantly living in fear that my life could suddenly come to an end before I’ve even had the chance to truly live it.
Dean’s warm hand cups my jaw and I jump, my body ready to fight even when my brain doesn’t want to. The roughness of his fingers sends a delicious sensation over my skin. He manoeuvres my head to face him with such gentleness, his stare reaching straight into my black soul, like he can see every dark secret I’m hiding.
“I won’t hurt you. I have a strong feeling that’s something you’re used to but that’s not me, I promise.” His voice is a whisper, his warm minty breath tickles my skin, but I choose to keep silent because I know the moment I open my mouth, everything will come spilling out like a volcano and I can’t afford to empty my box of secrets. Dean’s thumb runs back and forth over my cheek, his fingers splaying around the side of my head underneath my hair. The movement alone is enough to send me to sleep.
“Fancy a ride? You look like you could do with just letting go for a little bit. Let me take some of that weight you’re feeling off your shoulders.” My breath catches in my throat as I look past him and over to his bike. I’ve never been on the back of a bike before and something in me is pushing me to do something rebellious, something out of my comfort zone with a person who’s quickly climbing under my skin, even if I’m doing everything I can to claw him out.
“Why are you doing this? You don’t even know me.” I ask with uncertainty. The walls I’ve built so strongly begin tocrumble, small pieces of brick falling to the floor and smashing into tiny fragments.
“I don’t need to know everything about you to know that this is something I want to do. So, are you coming?” Dean’s hand slips from my face and stops in front of me, his palm facing the starry sky. Turning my head, my cheeks aflame, I look away from his smirking face to his open palm, rough patches line his long fingers and I can see the years of hard work in them. He doesn’t push me to give him an answer, he simply waits whilst I have this internal battle with myself but after a moment I throw caution to the wind and slip my hand into his, the warmth engulfing me.
“Let’s go pretty girl.” He teases and pulls me behind him towards his bike. Dean’s hand never lets go of mine, almost like he’s afraid that I’ll disappear, as he flicks the red switch on the handlebars and turns the key in the ignition. The twin exhausts that I noticed before fire to life, the deep growl echoing around the open space. He turns to face me again and gives my hand a quick squeeze.
“Ready?” He asks and I nod once.
“I think so.”
I can’t believe she’s really here. Right in front of me, accepting my offer to take her for a ride. I’ve never had another woman on the back of my bike but asking Ana felt right. Like she was always meant to be there.
My brain felt like it was smashed into a blender and turned into a smoothie as I ended up spending the last two weeks in a haze, just going through my usual mundane routine wondering where this woman had ended up and questioning whether I would ever see again, even Lyla was feeling the withdrawal effects of her. Ana brought a spark of life back into my otherwise empty soul and then dragged it away with her the moment she left my garage, leaving me starving. I know she’s got a heavy past and so have I but I desperately want her to know that whoever she’s running from will never be enough to push me away which is exactly what she’s trying to do. I can feel the brick wall she’s building between us and the thing is, I’ll happily chip away at those bricks until I can finally see all of her.
