Page 24 of My Defiant Mate
Option two: Keep Jionni. Lose everything else. Watch my parents' faces crumble when I tell them I threw away everything they've sacrificed for. See the quiet, soul-crushing disappointment in their eyes. Become the failure I've always feared I am.
I almost laugh, a sharp, hysterical sound that I choke back before it can escape. Two days. That's all it took for my carefully constructed life to completely implode. Two days and one alpha who turned my world upside down.
I stand up, moving like a sleepwalker to my closet. I pull out a cardboard box, the one I used to move in at the beginning of the year. I start filling it mechanically. The RA handbook. My clipboard. The carefully laminated door decorations I made for the floor. The walkie-talkie for emergencies.
I'm not making a decision. Not really. I'm just... preparing. For the inevitable.
The tears come without sound, hot and angry. I wipe them away, but more follow.
I can see my mother's face when I got the RA position. The way her eyes lit up with pride."My son, the leader,"she'd said, her English still accented after twenty years in America. I can see my father's quiet nod, the way he'd squeezed my shoulder."You did good, son,"he'd said. It had meant everything.
All for me. All for this. And I'm about to throw it all away.
I don't hear the knock at first. It comes again, louder, more insistent.
"Toby? You in there?"
Jionni.
I wipe hastily at my face, but it's useless. My skin is hot and tight, salt stinging the corners of my eyes. He'll know. He'll smell the salt of my tears, the despair rolling off me in waves.
I open the door. He takes one look at my face, at my red-rimmed eyes, and his expression darkens.
"What happened?" he demands, pushing past me into the room. "What did that fucker say to you?"
"Jionni—"
"I'll kill him," he growls, his eyes flashing with a dangerous light. "I swear to god, if he threatened you—"
"Stop," I say, my voice breaking. "Just... stop."
"No," he says, shaking his head. "No way. Whatever he said, whatever he threatened, we can fight this. Together."
The words hit me. He doesn't understand. I can't let him fight this. Not for me.
"There is no 'together,'" I say, the words like shards of glass in my throat. "Not anymore."
He stares at me like I've spoken in a foreign language.
"What are you talking about?" he finally asks.
"He has evidence," I say, gesturing helplessly at the empty air. "Security footage. A student report. He knows everything, Jionni. About us. About... everything."
"So what?" Jionni's voice rises, laced with angry disbelief. "So fucking what? Let him know. We haven't done anything wrong."
"Haven't we?" I laugh, a hollow, wretched sound. "I'm your RA. I'm supposed to be a professional. I'm supposed to be responsible. Instead, I'm..." I gesture between us. "This. Whatever this is."
"This," Jionni says, stepping closer, his voice dropping, becoming intense, "is us. It's real. It's the only real thing I've ever felt."
"It doesn't matter," I say, forcing myself to step back. I can't let him touch me. If he touches me, I'll break into a million pieces. "Henderson gave me a choice. End things with you and keep my job, or..." I swallow hard, forcing the rest out. "Or lose everything. My position. My scholarship. My future."
"That's not a choice," Jionni says, his voice low and dangerous. "That's blackmail."
"It doesn't matter what it is!" I snap, my voice rising with hysteria. "It's reality. This is my reality, Jionni. I can't ... I can't throw everything away for..."
"For me," he finishes, his voice flat and dead. "You can't throw everything away for me."
"You don't understand," I say, desperate for him to see, to understand the weight on my shoulders. "This isn't just a job. It's my future. It's everything my parents have sacrificed for. If I lose this, if I lose my scholarship, I can't stay at Westbridge. I can't finish my degree. I can't go to law school. I can't be the person they've worked so hard for me to become."
