Page 29 of Cage of Destiny
He grabbed her arm, pulling her closerto him. “Allyssa,” he said softly. “I would never let anythinghappen to you. Jana is crazy and unpredictable. I know the Russekarmy, our tactics, who’s in charge, what they are likely to do. Ican protect you.”
She glanced down at his hand on herarm. He released her.
“There are no servants inthe duke’s house,” Kerdan said.
“What?”
“I sent them all away. Thewomen who are here are spies. The men are in my army.”
She should have known he’d take suchprecautions. “I’m sorry. I was referring to everyone’s perceptionof our relationship and not a lack of security.”
“Did you justapologize?”
“No.” Never.
“I didn’t think you everapologized. You’re so stubborn.” He turned and walked farther intothe room.
“I apologize whennecessary.” She wasn’t unreasonable. Wrapping her arms around herbody, she tried to ward off the chill.
Kerdan knelt before the hearth,rearranging the logs inside. Grabbing the flint, he lit it and heldit to the logs until the fire took. He stood and glanced about theroom. “There’s nowhere to sit.”
She looked pointedly at him. He wavedher off and picked up the fur rug beside her bed, placing it beforethe fire. “Sit.”
If her father had indeed suggestedKerdan speak to her, he would have assumed it would be in one ofthe rooms downstairs, not in her bedchamber late at night. Insteadof arguing, she sat, curious to hear what he had to say.
Kerdan grabbed the blanket draped overthe end of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders beforesitting next to her on the rug.
“Is everything okay inJontis?” she asked.
He nodded. “I don’t wish todiscuss that right now. But rest assured, everything is goingaccording to plan.” Leaning to the side, he removed his sword andthree daggers. “I’m going to be blunt. Even if we kill Jana, I willbe challenged for the throneif you don’tagree to marry me. Without Emperion’s support, I won’t be able toconvince the nobles to back me.”
“Once she’s dead, won’t yougain full control of the army?”
“No. There are threepowerful nobles in the north who each control a large portion ofthe army. Together, they far outnumber me. I need them to supportme. Then, once I am crowned and have control, I can gain theirtrust and loyalty. More or less.”
A log shifted in the fire. “WhyEmperion? Why not some wealthy noble’s daughter?” Or was it herkingdom he needed? Wanted?
“I’ve considered it.However, Jana sold them on the idea that Emperion is worthconquering. Now that they share a common goal, they are eager towin. If we marry, I have Emperion. They will see it as a wininstead of a loss.”
The room gradually warmed. Trying tothink of what to say to this man beside her, she pulled her legs toher chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her cheek onher knees. He’d always been honest with her. He deserved the samecourtesy from her. “I’m afraid,” she admitted.
“I’ve already assured youthe house is safe.”
“No.” How to explain it sohe understood? “I don’t want to have my heart brokenagain.”
He sucked in a breath.“Allyssa—”
“Wait,” she insisted. “Letme talk. I know you said you didn’t love me and this would be apolitical match. That we could even live separately. I understandthat. However, that’s not the sort of marriage I want.” Admittingthis to him was hard. Opening up, being vulnerable, trusting him.“If I’m going to marry, I want a partner. I recall you saying you’dlike the same. Since we are friends, we should get along and workwell together.” Now for the difficult part. “But that’s not enough.I want more. The last time I fell in love, Odar broke my heart. Hechose to put his kingdom before me.” What made it worse was thatshe understood his reasoning, respected it even.
“Are you saying you stilllove Odar and cannot move on?” he asked, his voice raspy andlow.
“No.” Yes. Oh hell, shedidn’t know. Articulating her feelings was near impossible when shewasn’t even sure how she felt. She’d never allowed herself to thinkabout Kerdan as more than a friend. “What I’m saying is that I wantto love again; only, I’m afraid to.” Had she scared him away withher honesty? Her feelings? This military man who always thoughtstrategically and without emotions. “I’m sorry.” The blanket fellfrom her shoulders. She let go of her legs and pulled the blanketaround her again. “We each oversee a kingdom and have a duty toprotect our people. Does that mean our respective kingdoms alwayscome first? Are we allowed to love?”
He abruptly stood and went to thewindow, leaning against the ledge and staring outside. “Do youthink… with time… you could love me?” he asked, not facingher.
She hadn’t allowed herself to thinkabout the possibility. Odar’s betrayal was still too fresh. Itscared her to think of the future, especially with someoneelse.
“Because I know I… could…love you,” he said, still turned away.
