Page 57 of Cage of Destiny
“What is it?” sheasked.
“I used to think my fatherwas a good man. Since his death, I’ve been thinking a lot about himand my childhood. I wonder, perhaps, if my memories are somewhattainted by my childhood eyes.”
She mulled over that idea,feeling as if Kerdan had opened a small part of himself for her tosee. The thought both scared and thrilled her. This man, who woreso many masks, was becoming clearer to her.
“Any time my father paidattention to me, taught me a new trick with the sword, I thought hemust really love me. He would shower me with gifts, make sure I hadthe best instructors, and when I turned thirteen, he allowed me toenlist in the army. Now, as a man looking back, I realize he wasn’taround that often. My mother was always there, but not my father.For some reason, I had this notion that my parents were theseperfect people who loved one another and could do no wrong. Iunderstand that is what they wanted people to perceive, but thatwas not the case.” His eyes turned glassy.
“Regardless of how theyfelt about one another, they loved you.” Allyssa had spent alimited amount of time with the king and even she had seen he lovedhis son.
Kerdan nodded, notresponding.
“I love my parents dearly,”she whispered, not wanting her voice to carry to the campsite. “Butthat doesn’t mean I don’t ever get mad at them.” She swallowed.“Like… like with my twin brother Savenek. They kept that secretfrom me. Didn’t tell me my brother was alive. I can’t decide how Ifeel about it. I’m devastated they lied about something soimportant. Yet, I’m thrilled I have a brother. It’s complicated. Noone is perfect. But I know my parents love me.”
Kerdan glanced over hisshoulder at Darmik standing with his arms crossed, watching the twoof them talk to one another. “I can see your father loves you,”Kerdan said. “As do a number of people.”
She didn’t want to turnaround again because she knew, even without looking, that Neco andNathenek were watching her every move. Ready to pounce and protecther if necessary. She smiled.
“Even Odar,” Kerdancommented, glancing pointedly at her hands.
The wooden ring Odar hadgiven her was still on her finger. Twisting it around, she didn’tknow what to do with it. She’d forgotten it was even on.
“After we kill Janatomorrow, things will move very quickly. I need to be crowned king,weed out those loyal to Jana, and begin withdrawing troops fromMelenia.”
Kerdan dismounted, going tothe front of his horse and petting its nose. He peered up atAllyssa. “If we’re going to enter marriage negotiations, I’d liketo know what to expect.”
“If you have anydemands—”
“No.” He cut her off. “WhatI mean is whether this will be a marriage in name only.”
Oh. Was this Kerdan’s wayof telling her he didn’t reallywantto marry her? When he’dproposed, he said he needed Emperion. But he never said he neededher. They were friends, nothing more. “What would you prefer?” shecountered.
He focused on the horse infront of him, half hiding behind it. She dismounted, wanting to seehis face. “Kerdan?” He wouldn’t look at her. She hesitated, andthen reached out, touching his forearm. He froze. “What sort ofmarriage do you want?”
Without looking at her, hereplied, “I thought I wanted a marriage like my parents. Only, now,I realize I’m not even sure what their relationship was.” He leanedhis head against his horse. “I have little to offer you other thanmy kingdom and army.”
She laughed. “That soundslike an awful lot to me. What else is there?” At least betweenroyalty. His shoulders rose and fell. “Kerdan, you have plenty tooffer anyone. You’re kind, loyal, and an excellentfighter.”
“Yes, but you’re notanyone. You’re the princess of Emperion. You will one day be theempress of the largest kingdom on the mainland.”
“What are you saying?” sheasked.
“I’m trying to say that ifyou want to marry me in name only, I understand.” He stood upstraight, finally looking her in the eyes. “Tell me your officialanswer.”
“No.” She started walkingaway, leading her horse to where everyone else had set up camp forthe night. The plan was to go to the duke’s house, about a mileaway, first thing in the morning.
“No? No what? No, you won’tanswer? Or no, you don’t want a marriage in name only? Or no, youdon’t want a real marriage with me?” He hurried afterher.
Aware that everyone waswatching, she glanced over her shoulder, smiling sweetly at him.“No, as in no, I won’t tell you my official answer because youdidn’t ask nicely.” She spoke softly enough so that no one couldoverhear.
At the camp, Kerdan took both of theirhorses over to the stream where the rest of the horses weregrazing.
Darmik pulled her aside.“What did Kerdan say to you?”
“He asked what sort ofmarriage I want.”
“What did you tellhim?”
“Nothing.”
