Page 53 of The Devils Melody
The light turns green, but he doesn’t move.
“Lennox.”
“I’m trying,” he says, voice cracking like it physically hurts to admit. “I’m trying to understand how the fuck I got here.”
“You didn’t get here, Nox. You’vebeenhere. You’re just finally letting yourself feel it.”
He drags a hand over his mouth, leaning back in his seat knowing my words hit too close to home. “I don’t even know what I’m allowed to want.”
My voice drops lower, sharp with conviction. “You’re allowed to want me.” He flinches, but he doesn’t deny it or pull away. I wish I could fight the demons in his head for him, or at least show him that he doesn’t have to fight them alone anymore.
“You think I haven’t seen it?” I keep going. “The wayyou look at me when you think I’m not paying attention? The way you fuckingshakewhen I touch you?”
His breath hitches, and I feel it, that crack in the wall. The truth he’s been burying under years of expectation and fear, maybe even shame. But it’sme. It’s always been me, and I’ll rip every scrap of truth out of him if that’s what it takes. We don’t need to fucking hide anymore.
“You can’t keep doing this,” I whisper. “Not to me and not to yourself.”
“I know.”
We sit in that silence for another long moment before he finally eases his foot onto the gas. The car glides forward slowly.
“Do you think she’d be okay with it?” he asks after a beat. I look over at him like he’s fucking crazy. He has to be if he really thinks she’d have a problem with us after everything we just did. She enjoyed it.
“Why not? She watched us fall apart in front of her tonight. But she didn’t run. She stayed. Shechoseto.”
He nods slowly, his grip loosening from the wheel, that tension he had draining inch by inch. But I can still see the war behind his eyes. He wants to reach for me. I can feel it in the air between us, but he’s not ready. Not yet. So I give him what I can.
“I don’t need you to call it anything,” I say. “I don’t need a label or some kind of fancy title.I just need you.”
He exhales shakily. “You make it sound so easy.”
“It’s not. It’s fucking terrifying.” I smirk faintly. “But I’ve already walked through hell. I’ll walk through you too if I have to.” That earns a rough breath of a laugh. “You’re worth it, Nox.”
We pull up to Wren’s place and the world stills. There’s a faint glimmer in his eyes. I don’t think anyone has everfought so hard for him before, but I’ll do it every day of my life if I have to. There’s a reason we were brought together, and it wasn’t to become brothers. That’s just how it started.
“I’ll carry her,” I say, already opening the door before he can argue. “Stay here and think about it. Or don’t. But don’t let this be the part where you run.”
He doesn’t stop me. Doesn’t say anything at all. But when I lift Wren out of the backseat, his eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. And for the first time tonight, I see hope staring back.
17
Wren
THE SONGBIRD
Age 6
It’s raining so loud outside. The kind that hits the windows like little pebbles being thrown real hard. Boom. Boom. Boom. The thunder makes the whole house shake, like a monster stomping through the sky.
I hold Mr. Teddy Bear close. His ear is all ripped up but he still smells like mommy’s soap. I like that. It makes me feel more…safe. Lightning flashes and lights up my room for a second, like when Mommy opens the fridge late at night, then it goes dark again. I don’t like the dark. I don’t like the things Daddy does to me when it’s dark.
I hear the floor make that creak sound. Just once. I hold my breath, hoping Daddy is just going to bed and not coming to see me again. My tummy starts hurting. Not like when I eat too fast. This is different. Like my tummy is scared too.
The door opens, but I don’t look. I know it’s him.
I squeeze Mr. Teddy Bear harder and try to make Daddy go away in my brain again. Maybe Daddy will get scared of the dark too, and he’ll leave me alone for once.
He liked the rain. He told me that once. He said Mommycouldn’t hear anything when it stormed. He said thunder made it easier. I didn’t know what that meant. But I think it meant I could cry and scream, and nobody would come.
