Page 34 of Red Flagged
I handed it to her, watching every microexpression on her face, every flinch or twitch or wince. My muscles were coiled so tight I thought I’d snap.
When she took the pill and sipped her water, I exhaled a heavy breath and my shoulders dropped. My hands were still shaking.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, quieter this time. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby. If I hurt you…”
“You didn’t,” she insisted firmly. “Not during. Not even after. It’s just my body. This happens sometimes. I should’ve warned you sooner. It wasn’t you, baby.”
“But itfeelslike me,” I admitted, throat closing, making my accent thicken. My eyes burned and I gritted my teeth, fighting the emotional surge. “I did all that. I bent you. Pushed you. Whipped you. Left bruises on your wrists.” I grabbed one and held it up between us like it would prove my point. Then I remembered that these were darker than Morel’s, and I got a sickening feeling in my gut.
I got off on hurting her. I’d entered a new dimension of primal instinct, and itarousedme.
I’m a monster.
The thought struck me hard, and for a second I thought I might vomit. She’d been worried all this time that I wouldn’t want her because of what she believed she couldn’t give me. But it should be the other way around. What if she wouldn’t want me after she’d unlocked this side of me and seen what I was capable of? A side I didn’t even know existed until her.
There were bruises on her hips from my grip. Red handprints outlined across the back of her thighs. Faint welts where the crop had kissed her. I’d marked her like a man possessed, and she’d let me. Begged me. Trusted me with everything.
“Callum.” She reached for my hand. “You gave me exactly what I asked for. And you checked in the entire time. You worshipped me while you wrecked me. It was beautiful and perfect and you should behonoredto know you’re the man I trust with every part of me. The good. The broken. The sacred. You didn’t take anything from me, mon amour. Igaveit to you.”
That wrecked me.
I turned away, unable to bear the soft truth in her eyes while I said what lived in the back of my mind. “You don’t understand,” I muttered. “There was this moment where I didn’t feel like a man anymore. I felt like a weapon. Like something alert and dark. And I liked it. Ilikedit. That’s what scares me. What if I’m no better than the Morels and the Santinos of the world? What if I become one of them without even realizing it?”
A beat of silence passed before I felt the mattress shift, then heard the rustle of her tugging my shirt over her head.
“I didn’t feel like myself, Aurélie,” I admitted quietly, flexing my palm against the white hotel comforter. “I felt… possessed.”
She didn’t let me go far from her, physically or emotionally. She crawled into my lap like I was the one who needed nurturing now. Her arms looped around my neck, fingertips playing with the strands of hair at my nape the way I loved so fucking much. I held her waist on instinct.
“Not possessed.” Her voice was calm but fierce. “Possessive.Exactly how I love you.” Her hands moved to cup my face. “Regarde-moi, mon amour.”
I dragged my eyes to her face. She smiled, dreamy but radiant, and I felt like I could breathe again. I drank in every detail—freckles, chapped lips, tangled hair, golden eyelashes framing those mesmerizing eyes of hers.
“There he is,” she purred, brushing her thumb along my cheek. “The beautiful, broody man I love so much I’d give himmy pain and my pleasure and still beg for more. You’re not lost. I see you.”
Fuck. My face flushed hot. I actually blushed. Her grin only grew wider, all mischievous and knowing in a way only she could do. Her eyes flicked to my ears as the tips of them grew warm. And somehow, that tiny look of pride on her face made me want to drop to my knees all over again.
“You know that, right?” she murmured. “That you’re the kindest man I’ve ever known. Even when you’re growling in my ear and turning me into a puddle, you’re still the safest place I’ve ever been.”
My chest actually ached. There was no other word for it. This deep, constricting, bursting pressure behind my ribs made it hard to breathe. I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t even know what I wasfeeling—just that it was big and warm and maybe even… giddy? Was that the word?God. What the fuck.
I ducked my head and let out a breathy laugh, equal parts bashful and stunned. “Fuck, baby. You can’t just say stuff like that. I don’t know what to do with it.”
She leaned in, brushing her nose against mine. “You don’t have to do anything. Just let yourself hear it.”
I blinked. Swallowed hard. Nodded. “I’m trying,” I muttered. “I’m really fucking trying.”
“I know.” She brushed her lips against mine before whispering fiercely, “Never compare yourself to them again. You held my wrists with love. They held them to break me.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “For knowing what I need when I don’t.” I closed my eyes and sighed, nipping at her bottom lip. “I just want to fix it. I don’t know how to make you feel better.”
“You already are,” she urged. “You’re here with me and you love me. That’s all I need, mon cœur.”
She clambered off me and tugged on my hand. Only then did I crawl back into bed with her. Slower this time, gentler, as Iwrapped around her like I was both protecting her and clinging to her. One hand on the bunny, the other gently running through her hair.
She hummed, a soft, sleepy sound. “You give very perfect… uh, after… afterplay? No. Afterlove.”
A laugh burst out of me, quiet and hoarse. “Aftercare, baby.”
