Page 143 of The Moon Also Rises
Jake blinks. “Pardon?”
“You are the world,myworld, and I am your moon.”
I watch Jake’s neck work as he swallows, his mouth firmly closed.
“Do you know how the moon came to be?” I ask him.
Jake shakes his head.
“There are a few different theories but the one that most modern physicists agree on is that over four billion years ago, Earth was in its early stages of being formed and it collided with another huge mass, one believed to be roughly around the size of Mars. This implosion caused pieces of both masses to break off and over time all those broken bits of rock, dust and particles found each other and formed a new mass, the moon. And you know how gravity works, right?”
Jake purses his lips at me and it’s perfect, so very perfect. “I’m not just a pretty face,” he deadpans.
“No, you are not. You are so much more. But back to the moon. Well, gravity caused that new mass, the moon, to stay close to the Earth because you know gravity pulls us to bigger things.”
“I believe it’s more about density,” Jake cuts in. “So, what you’re actually saying is I’m very dense.”
I rock back on my heels and laugh. “Not going to make this easy for me, are you?”
“Did you expect me to?” Jake almost, almost smiles with me. This makes me feel brave and I take the final step to stand just one above him. I can finally smell him – soft citrus tones with a floral twist and the faintest hint of his godforsaken cherry lip balm – and it takes all my inner strength not to pull in the deepest inhale.
“I think I told you before that for the longest time the moon has kept me company when other people or things haven’t. When I was DJing and touring all over the world, I always looked for the moon because it was the same presence wherever I was. And also, yes, it reminded me of my dad because of his DJ name, and the one I also chose for myself—”
“Which I assume you did in your dad’s honour?” Jake sounds interested and it makes me feel so close to ecstatic.
“Yes, but also Lunar is a very, very cool name,” I say, smiling at him as he groans, another reaction that buoys me.
“When I was living in LA and feeling a million miles from home, I always looked for the moon on the nights I couldn’t sleep or whenever I missed my family and friends. Then when I lived in the desert, after I pretty much gave up everything and everyone I loved, I still had the moon. Even when I was here, in London, when I knew barely anyone and I was working at Status and invading your office and constantly getting on your nerves, the moon was still with me. So when I went back to LA and to rehab, I also looked for the moon when I felt lonely, which was a lot, Jake. I missed you so much. I felt sick with how much I missed you. And at some point, when I was looking at it, I would find myself thinking about how much I would love you to be my moon, to always be somewhere for me. But now I realise that’s not the right way round.”
“Why not?” he asks with his brown eyes locked on me.
“Because you are bigger. You are more alive. You are full of life. You are the person that gives people light and life. You are the world. You aremyworld. And I always want to be close to you. I feel that pull, constantly. So that must make me your moon…” I pause, my breath now feeling thinner. “And I want to orbit you for the rest of my days, Jake. If you’ll let me.”
Jake opens his mouth to speak, his chin tilted up towards me and I wait feeling like my whole life hangs on the next words he speaks. The rumble of cars continues, a few other people walk down the street we’re standing on, and in the far distance I hear sirens, a plane flying above, and other muffled noises of the busy city. But it all fades away as I stand in front of the man I love and wait.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Jake
I’m not angry. I didn’t leave the courtyard because I was mad at him showing up out of the blue. Even though I know I am acting that way, even though I know it’s exactly what I sound like, I’m not annoyed or irritated or displeased.
I’m in shock.
First my father says words I’ve been waiting to hear all my life, and then the only man I think I’ve ever been in love with shows up and serenades me. And not only that, he does so with my family and friends all dancing in sync together. It’s like a dream. No, it’s better than any dream I could have conjured up.
But that’s the thing with scenarios that I have never imagined happening before; I don’t know how to deal with them. This is ironic considering solving unforeseen problems is a huge part of my professional life, but when it comes to my personal life, the unexpected is a huge curve ball. Because things like this just don’t happen to me. Men just don’t show up like this for me.
At least they didn’t before Rami.
I didn’t know what to do when Rami did this the first time, playingP.Y.T.at Lionel’s wedding and dancing for me. I didn’t know what to do when Rami ran me that bath before the ceremony, or when he kissed me for what felt like hours on that bench in the gardens afterwards, or when he piggy-backed me to bed. I didn’t know what to do when Rami showed up again for that dinner with Lionel and Luigi, and I certainly felt nothing but astounded when he became everything I craved and desired when we slept together. I was clueless and helpless when Rami discovered my debt and got me to open up about it in a way I had previously thought unthinkable. I didn’t know what to do with myself, with him, or the love I felt when Rami stayed with me that whole day and tucked me up in bed when the crying and the talking got too much.
Rami has constantly exceeded whatever expectations I had, and tonight, this moment is no different.
Maybe that’s why now the shock is fading, I realise I believe him. I believe he left two months ago because he really had to. I believe there was something stopping him from telling me his story before. I believe he had to do rehab to feel able to be with me fully. I believe he wouldn’t have left me if he felt there was another way. I believe him. I believeinhim.
Rami may have disappointed me by not telling me about his past, and by leaving at the very moment I was ready to give myself completely to him. But he said he would come back for me, and he has. He’s here, right here. And by the sounds of it, he’s not going anywhere.
Because Rami loves me.
