Page 48 of The Moon Also Rises
“You didn’t win last time, Radia did.”
“Well, then I will defend her crown,” I say as we file into the large room at the front of the house. Unlike some homes, our living room really does live up to its name. With the dining table close to the back wall, and a large sofa filling the space in front of the bay window, it’s the room where our family has always gathered over the years. Be it for family meals, family gatherings or just to watch TV together – first on a tiny black-and-white box set and then later on larger, flashier TVs – it’s where we all came together when I was still living in the UK. It’s also the room where I know my father’s wake was held four years ago, an event I missed. While wakes are not typical in Muslim families, Radia had told me that his many friends, colleagues and neighbours had all but insisted something be held to honour his memory and that didn’t surprise me in the slightest. I shudder as I sit on the sofa and imagine the room full of all my father’s grieving friends and family, but not me.
“You Toad, again?”
“Like always,” I say after clearing my throat.
Roxana turns the TV on and goes about connecting the console. As she does, I stare at the unit that surrounds the TV. Specifically, I’m running my eyes over the top shelf that houses a couple of my favourite masks that I wore while performing as DJ Lunar. They’re positioned in between other relics from that part of my past; the framed platinum records for my first, second and third albums, three Grammy awards, two BRIT awards, and a handful of other trophies I picked up during the height of my DJ career.
Height.How funny to think of that time as a high. Most of the time, it felt like anything but.
“Here you go,” Roxie says and half a second later a Joycon lands in my lap, bringing me back into the room.
“Thanks. So, how’s uni?” I ask referring to Roxie being in her second year studying Maths and Economics at Birmingham University.
“Fine. Bit boring sometimes.”
“You don’t fancy trying halls next year? It’s your last chance.”
“Why would I do that? They stink.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I’ve visited them. I’m only 80% anti-social. Sometimes I even surprise myself and end up at a halls party or in the student bar. And both categorically stink.”
“Maybe I didn’t miss out so much not going to uni,” I muse as we start to choose our vehicles for the first race.
“Pah! As if jetting around the world in private jets and schmoozing with the rich and famous can compare to 10% off fast fashion brands and BOGOF offers on sugary booze.”
My jaw tightens. “It wasn’t as great as it sounds. At first, it was a lot of work. I did endless gigs up and down the country for next to no money, just to get my name out there.”
“Which you did,” Roxie points out.
“Yes, eventually. But it didn’t happen overnight. And you have to remember I also sort of broke Mom and Dad’s hearts when I decided to give DJing a go.”
“Really?”
“Yes, they were desperate for me to go to uni. They’d saved up for it and everything.”
“Well, I can sort of imagine that.”
“Absolutely.” I huff out a quiet laugh. “First child of an immigrant family. I had Doctor, Lawyer, Teacher or justAnything but DJstamped on my forehead.”
“But they came around in the end,” Roxana says, and I know it’s not a question but I feel the unusual need to dwell on this more.
“They did, and I’ll always be grateful for that. I’ll always be thankful I got to make them proud of me in another way.”
“Baba was so proud of you.” Roxie nods at the shelves above the TV. “He polished those bloody awards every Saturday morning without fail.”
I swear my heart cracks.
“I grew up constantly hearing stories about you and how you’d made it big in LA. I felt so much pressure.” Roxana pauses and shrugs. “I still do.”
“It wasn’t as fantastic as Baba maybe thought it was,” I say slowly, carefully. “I was… I was very lonely. And I didn’t really grow up properly. I didn’t have the same kind of experiences you are having or that Radia had.”
“Is that why you joined a cult?” Roxie asks as simply as if she’s enquiring if I want milk in my tea but I am stunned into a moment’s silence.
“Yes,” I say truthfully. “I think being famous had a lot to do with why I joined RemiX.” I still can’t say the word myself.
