Page 34 of The Moon Also Rises
“I wish I was blind,” Jake says to me as he takes it all in. He breathes in deeply. “And had sensory issues so I couldn’t smell either.”
“No, you don’t,” I say as I hand our glasses to a server collecting empties. I briefly press the side of my arm against Jake as I speak. “Just because they are having a day like this, doesn’t mean you won’t one day in the future. Come on, let’s take a seat.”
Jake insists we take two chairs in the final row, and I don’t have the energy to argue with him. After we are seated, I peruse the ceremony programme that was left on my chair, and I choose not to comment on how Jake sat on his without picking it up.
“You okay after talking to Lionel?” I ask. I would like to say I’m not curious about what they talked about, but I am.
“Oh, yes, fine. Completely fine. He apologised to me for doing absolutely nothing wrong, and then I discovered he was on his way to confess his undying love to me when he first met Luigi. So, you could say I feel utterly let down by fate right now, but otherwise, I am absolutely fine and dandy.”
“That must have been hard to hear.”
Jake seems surprised by my response as he turns to study me. “It was, thank you for saying that, Rami,” he says before lifting his hand and waving around us. “And thanks for all this. For keeping me company. For running me that bath earlier. And for—”
“Moderating your alcohol intake?” I offer.
“I feel less grateful for that but considering I’m possibly seeing twice as many orange trees as everyone else, I suppose I should be.”
“You’re welcome, Forester.”
Jake flashes me a strange look but it fades quickly. He drops his eyes as he shifts in his seat and re-crosses his legs.
“Doyouthink I look older than you?” he asks a beat later. “Do I really look that haggard?”
“Jake, that sounds like it could be a dig at me but I’m going to ignore it and instead insist that you don’t need to worry, you look fine,” I say carefully.
“Fine? Fine is an adjective for the weather!”
I suck in a deep breath. “Jake, you look good. You are a handsome man. And this suit really does look fantastic on you.”
Jake blinks at me and we are both silent again for a moment. I almost start to think that the air feels more charged, loaded, but then Jake finally talks with pouted lips and that makes it dissipate. “That’s better. Wasn’t so hard, was it, Lover Boy?” He nudges his elbow against my side, and I don’t know why but that makes me smile.
A moment later, the ceremony begins and it is beautiful. There are sophisticated choices of music and readings. Their vows are poetic and heartfelt. And they both cry at various moments, as do most of the guests. When I see Jake wiping under his eyes, I reach inside my jacket’s inner pocket and pull out one of the tissues I placed there earlier. A few moments later, when I hear Jake sniff, I twitch to reach over and squeeze his knee, but I don’t. It’s not that it would feel inappropriate, it’s actually more that it would weirdly feel very appropriate to do so and I have no clue where that has come from. It strikes me then how much I am not hating pretending to be Jake’s boyfriend. Mercifully, I am pulled away from this stark realisation when I hear sudden applause. I look up and see Lionel and Luigi kissing – their first kiss as husband and husband. When I hear a throaty choking sound come from Jake, who is applauding nonetheless, I let myself reach over and squeeze his leg, just above his knee.
While I am stunned by how solid and warm he feels, Jake himself is startled enough by my touch that he stops clapping and stares at my hand. I remove it quickly and go back to applauding the happy couple, somewhat relieved when everyone else in front of us is standing so I can do the same. After a second or two, Jake joins me but I keep my eyes facing forward at the happy couple.
Minutes later Luigi and Lionel walk back down the aisle hand in hand while we all listen to a sweeping and moving operatic version ofI Will Always Love Youin Italian being sung by a woman who serenaded them with a similar interpretation ofUnchained Melodywhen they walked into the ceremony. As they approach us, I see Lionel spot Jake and somehow his already broad grin stretches further. I nod at Luigi who looks like he’s won the lottery in multiple countries, and then I quickly turn my attention back to Jake who has sat back down and is finally looking at the program, his fingers stroking the black-and-white photo of Lionel and Luigi on the front page.
Much to my surprise he doesn’t look like the emotional wreck I am expecting. He’s even smiling to himself.
“That was a beautiful ceremony,” he says without looking up. I sit next to him and wait for a ‘but’ or a punchline, but it doesn’t come.
“It really was,” I agree.
“I think I needed that… To see them get married, I mean. To know that they’re meant to be together and that we, Lionel and I, we really are in the past, and maybe there don’t need to be any hard feelings. Maybe we can be friends again, he and I, and me and Luigi too.”
I nod immediately very aware of how my name is missing from that sentence. To try and distract myself from this uncomfortable feeling, I focus on how people are starting to file out of the orangery.
“I could even stop being a bitch about their wedding,” Jake adds.
“Really?” I say, my disbelief intentionally audible.
“Well, I can try.”
“It’s good to have ambition in life.”
“You know your sarcasm has come on leaps and bounds today.” Jake taps my leg and when his hand lifts we both look at it before he places it on his own thigh.
“I have, have I?” I smirk.
